Reinvention of Hope
by phoenixhunter47
Summary: When her marriage falls apart, Bella returns home to Texas. With the help of her father and friends, can she find herself and hope again? AH
1. Home

**A/N: I cannot give enough thanks to miztrezboo, who has been my sherbet sprinkling cheerleader on every step of this journey since April. Thanks also to my fabulous beta, annanabanana, who definitely got the short end of the stick when she told me that a MCF was fine for my $10. I love you, ladies.**

**Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm a canon girl. This is a Bella and Edward fic. The start of this chapter is a little rough going, but if you can make it to the end of this one, you'll do just fine.**

**Chapter Music: Everything you Wanted by Lucie Silvas and Jamie Floyd**

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Chapter 1: Home

**:: Bella ::**

"Jake? What are you doing?" My voice shook as his hands moved roughly down my bare arms and he pressed his body into my back.

"Shhh." His strong fingers moved from my hands and pressed into the exposed flesh on my thighs. I gasped as Jacob slipped his fingers up under my negligee, quickly pulling it from my body. "Bella, please, I just need to try and—" Jacob's voice broke off as he dipped his head and scrapped his teeth along my shoulder.

I felt him naked behind me, my lace thong the only thing separating us. His erection sat against my cheeks and he ground into me, palming both of my breasts hard, his breath falling heavily in my hair.

"I don't think I can be gentle, Bella," he warned, and he slid one hand down my stomach and into my panties, stroking my clit quickly and exciting my flesh. He had never been so demanding before, had never been so aggressive, and he was starting to frighten me.

"Jake, you're scaring me," I murmured, but even as I spoke, my back arched into his touch and my feet shuffled, opening my legs for him. "This morning you were so…sweet to me." My voice was a breathy whisper in the dim light of our bedroom.

"I'm not going to force you, Bella." Jacob's fingers pulled at my nipple while his others continued to manipulate the wet flesh hidden by my panties. He slid a finger inside me, slowly, and I felt his moist breath on my neck as I ground my hips against him. "God, you're always so wet for me, so ready." Jacob's thumb pressed against my swollen clit and I arched back further, winding my arms up around his neck. The way he was touching me was new, but despite that, I trusted him.

"Take me," I whispered against his jaw as I turned my head and licked his skin timidly. I didn't know what he wanted me to do, but I would try and be what he needed. I always had.

"Are you sure?"

"However you want me, Jacob. I'm always yours."

"Fuck," he hissed and pinched my nipple hard, causing me to cry out. His finger moved in me momentarily faster before he hastily withdrew it and dragged it over my lips. "Open your mouth, Bella." I did as he asked and he pushed his finger between my lips. "Suck it." His voice was demanding, and as I closed my lips around his finger, he bit down hard on the back of my neck.

"I can't wait, I need you now." Jacob pulled his finger from my mouth and walked us awkwardly to the edge of the bed, keeping his chest flush with my back before pushing against my shoulder blades and dropping my upper body onto the bed. His thigh came up between my legs and forced them wider. "Put your arms above your head, Bella." I complied with his request and stretched my torso over the bed, leaving my legs hanging over the edge and my ass sticking up in the air.

Jacob yanked my panties swiftly down my legs, telling me to step out of them and resume my position. I did as I was asked while he palmed and pinched the flesh on my ass, spreading my cheeks and massaging my skin. He thrust two fingers back inside me, and I gasped and moaned at the surprise intrusion.

"It's going to be hard and fast, Bella." Jacob almost growled, and I whimpered quietly, wondering what had happened to the man who had made love to me only this morning. Jacob withdrew his fingers, and before I could catch a breath, he bucked his hips forward, seating himself inside me, hard and fast just like he said. I winced a little in discomfort as I struggled to relax my body. He set a grueling pace, and on each forward stroke, my nipples brushed against the bedspread and my insides fluttered deliciously, my body betraying my mind.

Fingers pressed into my hips, thighs slapped against thighs, and all the while, Jacob pulled my body back onto his as he pressed forward relentlessly.

"It's not…I can't…fuck!" Jacob gasped behind me, his pace quickening as my own orgasm built. "You need to come, Bella. I'm close."

I reached one hand down between my legs and started to rub my clit in frantic circles, trying to keep up with Jacob's rhythm. My breath hitched as the spark ignited in the pit of my stomach and Jacob's movements became more erratic. I was torn between wanting the sweet and tender touches from this morning and craving more of the animalistic man behind me, holding nothing back as he took me with abandon.

"Fuck, Bella. Now." His voice was strained with his release, and as the memory of his orgasm tearing through him this morning coursed through my mind, my own euphoria took over and my muscles tightened around him.

Jacob didn't linger, he pulled out almost immediately, avoiding looking at me as I turned and sat up to look at him. "I'm going to take a shower." His voice was detached as he moved past me, closing the door to our en suite.

Left alone in our room, I climbed into bed. Tears began to flow, and concern for the change in his attitude from the last time we had been together rocked my core. Jacob had never touched me like that, and now that he had, he couldn't bear to look at me or talk to me. I turned off the light, deciding that it was a conversation I couldn't have until morning. Forty minutes later Jacob re-emerged from the bathroom and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Bella?" he whispered into the darkness. "Are you awake?"

I stayed quiet, not ready to talk about the night's activities yet. Jacob's sigh resounded heavily as he sank deeper onto our bed. Did he regret taking me the way he had? Was that what he wanted to discuss? Or had he enjoyed it so much he wanted to incorporate it into our normal routine?

"God, I can't do this anymore," he sighed again, talking to my back.

I held my breath, unsure of what Jacob was going to say and trying to decide if I should let him know that I was in fact still awake.

"I'm not happy anymore. I'm not sure I… fuck," he mumbled. No, I should definitely stay still and quiet. "Jesus, I… this is so Goddamn complicated." He stopped and I exhaled slowly.

"I can't… I just…" I felt his hand hover over my shoulder and my body tensed. "I want a divorce, Bella." Jacob's warm breath ghosted across my skin and a silent tear slide down my cheek as he withdrew his hand. "God, I wish you were still awake." He said nothing else as he rolled over, and I fought against the sobs that began to heave in my chest.

~oOo~

I sat in the dining room, staring at the empty seat across from mine, wondering for the ninth evening in a row where Jake was. Two envelopes sat beside my plate as I pushed my salad around with my fork: one a large crisp manila, the other a slender office white. The old grandfather clock chimed twice in the foyer—half past eight. Even with his late meeting, Jake should have been home by now. In the three months since his animalistic urge and midnight confession, he had gradually become more and more distant, never mentioning a divorce again but never really touching me either.

Pushing back from the table, I walked surely into the kitchen, leaving both the envelopes for Jake on top of the polished wood and my weddings rings next to them. I had been ready since this morning; as soon as Mr. Newton had sent the papers over, I knew it was time. My note to Jake was simple: _Whatever you want._

There was nothing left for me here now. When Jake got home, he would find me gone. Even that was a joke. I had been drifting for weeks, trying to discern if I had done anything wrong, how things had changed between us, but I had concluded nothing. He hadn't tried to ground me once, choosing instead to leave me adrift.

_I want a divorce, Bella._

It was the only thing that I'd heard for weeks, cycling through my head on repeat, posing questions I had no answers to and eating away at my self worth. I had changed my life for that man. I was no one without him. I was Bella Black, housewife and homemaker. I had no job—hell, I couldn't even remember what I had enjoyed in college. I really had sacrificed it all to stand by Jacob's dreams and become his trophy wife. I had been a fool.

There was no denying that Jacob Black was successful, and I certainly reaped the benefits of being married to such an accomplished man but I couldn't settle for being married on paper. He had told me himself—he wasn't happy. A thriving business, pretentious cars and designer clothes wouldn't fill the void his emotional neglect was leaving. I had tried talking to him, in part, but he was unresponsive and evasive, and I just didn't have it in me to fight for something he clearly didn't want any longer.

Less than an hour later, I was heading away from Phoenix and driving straight for Masen, Texas. My home was waiting for me there, and I knew, without a doubt, he would be so happy to see me. All I had to do was hold it together for a couple more days.

Two days later, after an overnight stop just outside of El Paso, I pulled off of Ranch Road and headed out toward the lake. The old house was just as I remembered it, all pillars and white paint, accented with blue shutters.

I killed the engine to my Audi and slowly got out of the car, tugging at my tank top and smoothing down my jeans. He didn't know I was coming; I had no idea how to tell him that my marriage of only two years was over. Jacob and I had both grown up in Masen. We had graduated together, had been prom king and queen, had then gone off to college together, and had finally made a life together in Phoenix. We had left behind the tiny town that we thought would only dampen our dreams.

My throat suddenly felt tight and my skin clammy as my brain processed for the billionth time that the only dreams repressed were mine. I doubled over, dropping my hands to my thighs for support, and pushed my head between my knees. My long hair fell in a curtain around my face, and I welcomed the momentary isolation from the world still functioning around me.

"Bella?" The voice of my childhood rang like a soothing balm in my ears, and I was able to finally take a deep breath. As I righted myself, he called to me again and began jogging his way across the grass toward me. "Sweetheart, what are you doin' here? Are you okay?"

It was too much. I'd held it all back for too long, and when he reached me, I threw my arms up around his neck and held on for dear life. Three months worth of tears spilled onto his shirt and he enveloped me in his warm embrace, rubbing my shoulder blade as he squeezed me tightly.

"I've missed you. Everything's such a mess, daddy," I sniffled into his neck as I tried to take comforting gulps of his scent into my lungs.

"Shhh, it's okay. You're here now, sweetheart. Come on inside and talk to me." He kept an arm around my shoulders and pulled me in the direction of the house. Yes, I was home. Charlie Swan loved me and he wasn't going anywhere.

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A/N: Next update tomorrow, hope to see you here.

**There may be two types of music listed for each chapter as I post this story. **_**Chapter songs**_** support the chapter, providing a little something extra to what the characters have to say. **_**Mojo music**_** is anything that has helped me write the chapter—it offers no additional insight to that specific chapter but it helped me get the job the done.**

**N.B. Masen, Texas is a fictional town set in the geographical location of Mason, Texas. Where **_**Mason**_** is a fort town, **_**Masen**_** is not.**


	2. Promises

**A/N: Thanks again to my ladies. My pre-reader, ****miztrezboo who has also built me ma very own blog! And to my beta, annanabanana who kept my lemonade sweet.**

**Thank you for your response to this story so far; it's lovely to see some familiar faces as well as new readers.**

**Chapter Music: Smile by The Glee Cast **

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**Chapter 2: Promises**

**:: Charlie ::**

Two hours. That was how long my baby cried for that piece of shit, Black, in my kitchen. Two hours she spent telling me how he had broken her heart and she didn't understand why. I knew the day he took her out of Texas she'd come back broken and hopeless because of him. He never had treated her right. She gave up her dreams for that asshole and he tossed her aside. Well, if he made things more difficult for her now that she was home, he'd have Charlie Swan to deal with. It didn't matter to me that I'd know him since he was in diapers. Jacob Black had broken my baby girl, and I wouldn't think twice about breaking him.

I sat perched on the window seat, watching Bella, my gut twisting with disgust for Black. I didn't know what to do for her. I guessed this was where her momma might have stepped in and taken the reins a little, but with Renee gone, I would have to try and do the best I could.

I walked over to Bella and placed a hand gently on the back of her head as she lay, resting it on the table. She opened her eyes to look up at me and my chest tightened at how lifeless they looked. I knew she must have been tired from her drive, but I also knew she hadn't eaten since she arrived and God knows when before that.

"You hungry, sweetheart?" I crouched down so my face was level with hers, but she shook her head. "You need to try and eat something, Bella," I coaxed.

"I'm just tired, daddy. I'll eat tomorrow, I promise." She closed her eyes again and let out a heavy sigh.

"Okay. Why don't you go on up and rest? Your old room's just the same as when you left it," I offered. The chair scraped back as Bella rose to her feet and she shuffled her way to the stairs. "I put your bags in there already and there're clean towels in the bathroom."

"Thank you."

"Bella," I called before she disappeared. She hesitated and turned to look at me. "You know where I am if you need anything." Bella gave me a weak smile before she turned and headed on up the stairs. It wasn't long before I followed behind her, sticking my head in through her bedroom door on my way to my own room. Bella lay asleep on her bed, shifting restlessly, still dressed in the clothes she had arrived in. The doors out onto her balcony were open, letting in the warm Texas air.

As I climbed into my own bed, I wondered how long it would take for Bella's spark to return. The light of life that had carried us both through darker times, before she left for college, married Black and moved to Phoenix.

~oOo~

Come morning, I'd heard nothing but whimpers from Bella's room. By ten thirty I was standing in the driveway changing the spark plugs on my old truck, wondering if I should be trying to encourage her outside instead. A little after noon, Bella made an appearance. She poured herself some lemonade, grabbed a peach from the fruit bowl and headed back on up to her room.

Just after four, the phone rang in the kitchen.

"Hello?"

"Hello, may I speak with Mrs. Black, please?" The unfamiliar male voice sounded professional down the line, and my back stiffened at how he addressed Bella.

"Who's callin'?"

"Mr. Michael Newton, I'm her attorney."

"Hold on," I said as I placed the receiver down on the counter. When I got to the bottom of the stairs I shouted up.

"Bella, a Mr. Newton is on the phone for you." I waited. And I waited. Sighing I walked back to the kitchen.

"She can't come to the phone right now. Can I take a message? I'm her dad."

"Mr. Swan, of course. Mrs. Black informed me that she would be staying with you." He cleared his throat before continuing. "I was just calling to let Mrs. Black know that Mr. Black's attorney has been in touch. They're going over the paperwork and will get back to us as soon as possible."

"Yeah, I'll pass on the message," I replied.

"Thank you. Mrs. Black need not call me back, unless she has any questions, of course."

"Fine." With those parting words, the line disconnected and I made my way back to Bella's room. She was curled up on her bed, sleeping under a sheet. At least it looked like she had changed her clothes, though her face was blotchy and streaked with tears. My hands curled into fists at my sides as I thought about my baby shedding one tear over the asshole that had ripped her heart out, with no explanation.

Yes, Black had a lot to answer for.

I didn't see Bella for the rest of the night, and although I would have preferred that she eat something, I knew that she needed to deal with things in her own time.

~oOo~

Three days passed by in the same fashion. Bella slept late after a restless night, she skipped breakfast, picked at a small lunch, and avoided dinner—and me. On day four, I was chopping wood on the old stump by the shed when the familiar sound of a truck filtered down the road. I cast a glance at the house and smiled when I saw that Bella had made it out onto her balcony today. She was sitting wrapped up in her duvet, rocking back and forth on her grandma's old, large rocker. She didn't seem bothered by the warm sun as her eyes stared off, glassy and distant toward the lake, and I wondered how long she'd been sitting out there.

"Hey Charlie, need a hand with that?" Edward's voice sounded out of his open window, before he shut off his engine.

"Sure thing, son. You can stack 'em while I chop." My family had always lived in Masen and I had known Edward since he was a boy. He was a good man, well respected in town, hard working and honest. It was hard to find fault with him.

Edward tossed his over-shirt onto his truck-bed and grabbed his working gloves. I watched as he cast a glance up at Bella and quickly averted his eyes when he realized I was watching him. Striding over to the chopped logs, Edward waved his hand in Bella's direction.

"You know there's a girl up on your balcony, Chief?" He bent to start stacking the wood along the side of the shed.

"I haven't been Chief in this town for nearly three years now, give it up already," I said gruffly. Getting shot 'in the line of duty' had meant taking early retirement, which I was enjoying, but that didn't mean that I didn't miss the job. It was too bad that the muscle in my thigh was pretty torn up when the bullet passed through. Sure I could walk, but I'd never be a cop again.

"Whatever you say, Charlie. You know you'll always be the Chief to us." Edward chuckled, and I knew he was right. His friends were just as bad.

I had passed the reins over to my deputy, Eric Yorkie, and even though he was good at what he did, Eric still acted like the deputy when things got tough. I grumbled under my breath as I remembered the last time I had to bail Eric out of trouble because the Burton kids had left the cattle gate open. It had taken over six hours to get them all off Main Street and back onto the Miller's ranch, and another two to get all the cow shit off the street, but I'd left that last task to Eric and his own deputies.

"That's Bella." I nodded my head in the direction of the house, and Edward paused mid stride with several pieces of wood in his arms.

"Huh?"

"The girl. It's Bella. You know, my daughter," I teased, bringing the axe down hard on a larger piece of wood and picturing Jacob Black's neck lying across the old stump instead. The wood splintered into three before the blade stuck in the tree stump below it. Edward let out a low whistle, and I wrenched the axe free, feeling pleased that I could inflict that sort of damage but disappointed that Black was still nine hundred miles away.

"_That's_ Baby Bell?" Edward asked, staring up at Bella as she continued to rock on the old chair. I laughed.

"Not sure she'd take too kindly to that nickname right now, son." Bella had always hated Edward teasing her when she was little. She was only a year younger than his group of friends but had often felt left out.

"Sure, of course. But, wow. She sure looks grown up now, Chief." I let his comment slide. I knew he didn't mean anything by it. Edward wasn't like the other cowboys in town—_if_ he was going to be inappropriate, he certainly wouldn't do it in front of the father of the girl in question.

"Yeah, well she's home now. For good. Her piece of shit husband hurt her and she's here to…" What could I say? What was Bella here to do? Hide? Heal? Start over? I'd be here for whatever she needed; I just didn't know what that was yet.

"Husband? Hurt her?" Edward dropped the wood and clenched his fists, clearly angry.

"She married Jacob Black right outta college, and he moved them across to Phoenix." I watched as his anger turned to confusion. It was easy to forget that Edward had his own commitments and difficulties at home. Bella wasn't something that we usually discussed when he and the boys were over. He wouldn't have necessarily remembered the small wedding that took place in the judge's chambers just before Bella left town.

"She's alright, physically at least. He didn't hit her, it's not that kind of hurt," I explained and Edward visibly relaxed. "Three months ago he told her he wanted a divorce, no explanation." Edward began collecting the wood he'd previously dropped and set about stacking it with the rest.

"Three months? They been workin' it out?" He asked as he stood facing me, scratching the back of his neck.

"Not really. He told her when he thought she was asleep. Son of a bitch." I shook my head and swung the axe again, splitting another log. "Anyway, she was waitin' for him to bring it up again but he just kept gettin' more and more distant, he never mentioned a damn thing." I probably shouldn't have been telling Edward what had happened between Bella and Jacob, but I trusted that he would keep it to himself.

"So…she's just been…waitin'? For the last three months?" Concern and confusion flashed through Edward's eyes as he spoke, and I knew right then that if I needed his help with Bella that I could count on him.

"Waitin' and hopin', I guess. Not sure when she went to see her lawyer, but as soon as the papers were ready, she left," I said.

"How long they been married?" Edward asked.

"About two years. Two years too long if you ask me."

"Another woman?" Edward pulled off his Stetson and ran his hand through his hair.

"Better not've been, not if he knows what's good for him." If I found out that Black had been with anyone else, I wouldn't think twice about putting his dick in a vice.

"How long's she gonna sit up there?" Edward nodded toward Bella again.

"Beats me. Long as it takes, I guess. She's not talked to me about it since she got here four days ago. She hardly eats, and either sits in her room or sits out in that chair just starin' at the lake." I would give her till the end of the week, then I would maybe have to push a little harder.

"Want me to send Rose or Alice? Maybe she'd talk to one of them," Edward offered.

"I'll keep it in mind, son, but I don't want to force anyone on her right now."

"Sure thing, Charlie, but let me know if you want any of us to…you know," Edward mumbled, stacking the last of the wood.

Edward and his friends often stopped by the house, helping with bits and pieces, watching football or joining me for a day on the lake. They were all good boys, worked hard and were surrounded by people who cared about them.

As usual, once our work was done, Edward and I shared a pitcher of McCarty's lemonade and he left for the day.

Walking through the house, I quickly made my way upstairs and through Bella's room, joining her on the balcony. She looked tired and pale, her hair was lank and almost greasy looking and her lips were chapped and dry.

"Bella, I'm about to start on dinner. What do you fancy?" I asked, hoping that she would eat something tonight.

"I'm not really hungry," she murmured without meeting my gaze.

"Bella, this has to stop. Sweetheart, you need to shower and change your clothes and start eating something. Or I'm gonna have to make an appointment for you to see Doc Garrett." I hoped the threat would just be an idle one, rather than one I'd have to follow through on. The last thing I wanted to do was have her medicated.

Bella stood up and pulled the duvet tighter around her body. With her head hung low she walked right past me and headed back into her bedroom. I followed her slowly and watched, with tired eyes, as she collapsed on top of her bed, facing away from me.

"Tomorrow, dad. I swear." Another promise passed through her lips, muffled by the pillow, and I had to purse my own shut so as not to argue about the already broken promises from earlier in the week. I left her room with a sigh, making myself a grilled cheese sandwich before turning in for the night. As I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, I hoped that tomorrow would be different—hoped that Bella would start living instead of just existing.

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A/N: **I have about 70% of this story completed so far and my current posting schedule will be weekly on Saturdays. At the moment we're good until about November, until then I'm still writing.**

**The link for my blog is on my profile, and teasers will be posted there as well as on The Fictionators and PicTease. Thanks for reading, see you next week.**


	3. Dusk

**A/N: ****Thanks to ****miztrezboo for her hand holding, and to annanabanana for her red pen.**

**Thank you for all your wonderful reviews, I read every one. Unfortunately my laptop is fubar'd for the next two weeks and therefore my internet access is severely limited. This won't impact my posting schedule, but I may not be able to reply to your reviews in the interim. Rest assured I will reply to them all once my laptop is back up and running.**

**Chapter Music: Love Doesn't Last Too Long by The Weepies **

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**Chapter 3: Dusk**

**:: Bella ::**

Dawn. If you sit long enough awaiting its arrival, it completely eludes you. The sky brightens with dusky blues, soft grays and blushing hues of pink, all while you sit oblivious to the change overhead. The atmosphere shifts, particles in the air charge and change, and the temperature rises with the sun.

The little things often go missed; it's probably why I was sitting where I was instead of getting breakfast ready for Jacob. As the lake shimmered in the distance, I tried to cast my mind back several months to find the change. The atmospheric shift in my marriage, the particles and the temperature, but there was nothing.

I found myself again, rocking slowly on my balcony, looking out over the yard and down toward the lake. The routine had been the same for days now, maybe three, I'd lost count. Charlie would work in the yard, varying his tasks—chopping wood, tinkering with his truck, mowing the lawn—always stopping to stare up at me while I never truly acknowledged his efforts. He was trying so damn hard, but I didn't know how I had become so broken. I needed to figure things out in my own head first, before I tried to let anyone else in. But he was my dad and I hated shutting him out.

Everything started to shift last night as I lay awake trying, again, to figure out when Jacob had checked himself out of our marriage. Trying to understand how that day, three months ago, had started one way and ended so very differently.

Unable to sleep, I wandered out onto the balcony, wrapped up as usual in my duvet, and sat on my grandmother's rocking chair. It was easy to find solace in the simple movements, the creaking of the old wood keeping time with my breathing and the steady thump of my heartbeats.

I watched as the sun rose over the lake and the birds flew in and out of the apple trees. It wasn't long before mid-morning settled in and Charlie shouted up from the yard.

"Bella, I'm going into town. Do you need anything?"

I didn't. He knew I didn't, and he knew his simple question wasn't enough to pull me out from under Jacob's destruction, but I had to love him for trying. Out of my periphery, I saw him standing, waiting for an answer, one hand shoved in his pocket while the other shielded his eyes from the sun.

"Come on, Bella. Don't let him win, sweetheart." Charlie's voice was a faint whisper on the breeze, but it was loud enough to reach my ears, and it sent silent tears streaming down my cheeks.

"Okay," he called up, resigned to the fact that he wasn't going to get an answer. "Edward might swing by after lunch to pick up the crate on the front porch." He paused momentarily, waiting for me to answer. I didn't. Edward was of no consequence to me, he was Charlie's friend, not mine. With a sigh, Charlie turned and headed toward his truck. Almost as an afterthought he called over his shoulder, "I've got my cell if you change your mind, or if you need anything. I'll be back in a few hours."

I kept rocking silently until he drove out of sight. Even in the sun, my tears felt cold against my skin as they slid past my jaw and down my neck. I wiped at them briefly before deciding, for the first time in days, that a shower might just make me feel a little better.

~oOo~

After my shower I felt a little refreshed. My hair was clean at least, and my skin felt fresh and soft, no longer waxy and coated in a layer of grimy oil. Leaving my hair damp and loose, I towel dried my body and pulled on a pair of denim shorts and a white top. It was time to leave the house. I didn't want to be here when Edward arrived; I wasn't ready for small talk.

Stopping in the kitchen long enough for a glass of water and some fruit, I slipped on my green canvas tennis shoes and ran down toward the lake. Charlie had three boats tethered to the dock. Two row boats—one slightly smaller than the other—and his larger motor boat, used for fishing. Despite the fact that the sun was now hidden by puffs of white cloud, I untied the smallest row boat and climbed inside, lowering the oars toward the water. The tiny boat pushed away from the dock easily, ghosting through the water without restraint.

I worked the oars hard, slicing them under the glassy surface, keeping my knees slightly bent and folding myself in the middle with each new _sweep_ and _swish_ as the oars moved through the air and disappeared back into the gray of the lake. I had no idea if my form was right. I had watched Charlie row us out to the middle of the lake hundreds of times when I was little, but I had never actually done it myself.

The tiny vessel carried me over the depths of the lake as it swayed and rocked, seldom in a straight line. As I worked harder to keep the oars even, my biceps started to burn with the strain and exertion of my task. But the ache was good, it gave me a new focus. I was finally able to think of something other than the sound of Jacob's voice as he spoke despondently in the darkness that night so many months ago.

My shoulders started to twinge, and as the ache morphed into a delicious throb across my shoulder blades, I was again removed from the desperate rasps and grunts of Jacob moving almost savagely behind me the last night we were together. I choked back a cry, somewhere between a gasp and a sob, as my chest constricted and instead clenched my thighs and moved my arms faster, propelling the oars harder.

The boat began to move in a small arc as my left arm struggled to keep up with my right. A frustrated grunt escaped my throat as a fire spread down my tense legs and cramped in my calves. The cool breeze on my face was welcome and disengaged the thoughts and memories of Jacob's warm breath fanning across my skin.

No longer frustrated, anger overtook my body and a scream rattled out of my mouth as I threw my whole body into each stroke of the oars. _Sweep_ and _swish_. _Sweep_ and _swish_. How could he? How _dare_ he? I trusted him, gave myself willingly, and he took my _dignity_, not just my body. He _knew_ what he wanted before he bent me over our bed. He _knew_ being rough wouldn't change a damn thing.

My face felt hot and wet, and I silently cursed the fact that I was crying again over Jacob Black—even if they were tears of anger. My hands felt hot and blistered, and as I tried to adjust the oars, the left one slipped out of my hand, floating out onto the lake before I could retrieve it.

"Oh, come on!" I shouted to no one.

"Is this funny to you? Is my life funny to you?" I pulled the remaining oar over the boat and leaned heavily on the wood, gasping for breath, before turning my face skyward again.

"Is it too much to ask for a break? Just to cut me a little slack? Haven't I been through enough?" I had never really believed in God, I had no idea what I hoped to achieve by yelling at the sky, but as I did, a small sliver of sunshine filtered through the clouds and sparkled off the lake's surface.

"Yeah, thanks," I murmured. "Not sure what to do with that."

I turned and took in my surroundings. I was almost at the middle of the lake. I had always loved it here. A very small island was home to one large willow tree, there was room for nothing else. Charlie had often brought me out to it when I was younger, and we would just sit and watch life go by. He would recall stories of the old rodeos and carnivals that came through town and the annual fair the townsfolk pulled together for each year.

I had loved every minute of it, listening with rapt attention and without a care in the world. Nothing was more important to me than the excited lilt and steady timbre of Charlie's voice, and the way his hands would tell the story just as much as his eager tone. The faintest hint of a hearty laugh and a childish giggle drifted through my mind, and I closed my eyes, trying to lose myself to the memory. Taking a deep breath, my lungs filled with the scent of the trees in the distance and the moist air settling above the lake teased my senses. I was safe here; here in Charlie's and my place.

Lowering my remaining oar back into the water, I paddled over to the tree. The boat rocked as it knocked against the island, and I carefully climbed out and pulled it onto the small mound as best I could, before tying it off to the trunk of the tree.

I ran my fingertips across the bark of the old willow. Its texture was rough and it was tangible before me. It was real and honest and had been here for as long as I could remember. I could trust it. Unlike Jacob, this tree would support and protect me to the best of its ability. It was beautiful.

I settled myself among the exposed roots at its base, sitting close to the trunk and keeping the warm sun on my face. The breeze was crisp as it blew in off the surface of the lake and I held my raw palms out, against my exposed thighs, relishing the relief it provided.

Since that night three months ago, time had kept an odd pace. It never appeared to be regular anymore, often slowing completely or increasing rapidly, causing me to lose track of entire days. It wasn't long before the light overhead began to shift as the sun moved from south to west. I tried to pay attention as the world shifted and changed around me, but even as I forced my concentration, the pressure to try and observe even the smallest thing was too much.

_It will be here again tomorrow. Don't let him ruin you. You are stronger than this._

But I wasn't convinced that I _was_ strong enough. When things had become hard, I'd run home to my father instead of dealing with things myself.

I'd never gone out and done anything by myself. I'd gone from my father's house to Jacob's house, and back again. I'd never been alone.

And that was really part of the problem.

For only the second time in months, I set my head in my hands and openly cried, finally releasing the pressure in my chest as it cracked and ached. I cried for a marriage I was never sure I wanted. I cried for a move I was never sure I was ready to make. I cried for moving backward and returning home to Masen instead of trying to stand on my own feet. I cried for the fact I felt lost and unsure, worthless and inadequate, desperate and broken. And I cried for a dozen other reasons I couldn't even process or list off in my head.

Lifting my face back up toward the sky, I felt more tears slide down over my cheeks. My lungs filled erratically as I struggled to regulate my breathing, and I closed my eyes in an effort to concentrate and focus.

It helped a little, and as my breathing evened out, I realized that while I didn't really feel any better about my situation, things did seem clearer.

My eyes felt heavy as I leaned back into the old tree trunk, and I suddenly longed for sleep. A fine mist began to descend over the lake, shrouding it in an air of mystery and obscurity. I watched as it swirled and spread over the surface of the water, forcing it to relinquish the reflections as the mist swallowed them whole, spreading its darkness. There was a certain beauty found in its submission because I knew, come morning, the mist would recede. It would give the reflections back to the lake, no questions asked. A domineering dance, one that was ripe with give and take.

In hindsight, I had spent my marriage just like that. Being swallowed by Jacob's darkness, being consumed by his needs and desires, giving up my dreams and aspirations in favor of his. But there was no dance for us. No give on Jacob's part, only take. Our marriage had been shrouded in his mist, and only now did I have any hope of seeing my reflections again.

As the sun began to set over the lake, I knew. The mauve orange shades of the sky, the rapid drop in the air, the chill that washed over my skin. My marriage wasn't akin to dawn. It wasn't the beginning of something that I had overlooked, it was dusk. The dying of a day. There was no particle charge or atmospheric shift, only the sun disappearing over the horizon and the beginning of a deep seeded wariness that heightened even the weariest of creatures.

Crickets chirping in the night were my only companions, as my thoughts drifted into the murky depths of my silt filled mind. If I was lucky, when I woke, the mist would be gone, the reflections would have returned and the dawn would be beginning.

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A/N: Teasers as usual on PicTease and The Fictionators this coming week. Thanks for reading; Edward's up next.

**Mojo Music: New Moon (The Meadow) by Alexandre Desplat**


	4. Edward

**A/N: ****Thanks to ****miztrezboo for sitting at the counter with me, and to annanabanana for making my words look pretty. Thanks also to everyone who reviews. My laptop is still out of service until the 19th, so I promise if I haven't managed to replied before then, I'll reply as soon as I get it back.**

**Chapter Music: Girl in the Moon by Everly**

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**Chapter 4: Edward**

**:: Edward ::**

"Hey, Masen, you back here?" Jasper's voice called out through the cellar as I lifted another crate onto the stack in front of me.

"Hey, Jas."

"Hey man, thought I said you didn't need to come in today?" Jasper bent to lift one of the crates and started a third stack.

"Yeah, I know." I paused to wipe my brow with the back of my arm. "But I also knew you had this shipment coming in and thought you could use the help."

Jasper Whitlock and I had been firm friends since we could toss a ball, he was one of the few people I could rely on. He had bought his own bar two years ago, learning the ropes from the ground up, and I helped out where I could—keeping the cellar in line, working behind the bar, and tossing the drunks.

"Um...yeah, thanks. I forgot all about it," he said sheepishly, as he scratched at the scruff on his jaw.

"Thought you might." I laughed at how disorganized he could be. It wasn't the first time I'd taken a delivery without him, and it probably wouldn't be the last. He was great with people and the bar ran smooth as buttermilk, but if Alice was in a distracting mood in the morning, deliveries didn't have a hope in hell's chance of being checked.

"I hear the Chief's daughter is back in town." Jasper knew Charlie about as well as I did.

"Yep. She got back about a week ago."

"Didn't she get married?" Jas asked.

"Yeah, she did." I lifted another crate and started running inventory on the liquor bottles lining the shelves.

"Jacob Black, right?" he pressed.

"Think that's what Charlie said," I replied, my tone sounded more clipped than I'd like.

"He here with her?"

"Nope." And from what the Chief had said, it was just as well. I didn't like Jacob's chances if Charlie got his hands on him.

"Finally let her out of his sight, huh? God, that guy's a possessive asshole."

"Yep, sure is," I mumbled, squinting at the bottles in front of me. Bella's marriage had been news to me, but I could still remember what Black had been like in high school. So when Charlie mentioned Bella had married him, I had been surprised to say the least. They were both a year younger than Jasper and me, but we'd still all known about the games Jacob had played, and the way he'd treated the girls.

"You know that Charlie hasn't seen his daughter since she got married, right?" Jasper asked as he leaned against the newly stacked crates.

I knew that Bella hadn't been home to Masen, but I'd never given any thought to the fact that Charlie hadn't gone out to Phoenix. "No, I guess I hadn't thought about it."

"How long's she stayin' for?" Jasper quizzed. I didn't want to betray Charlie's trust, but if Jasper continued with his damn questions, it was going to get harder for me to avoid telling him what was happening.

"Not sure exactly, the Chief left it open."

"Huh." Jasper shrugged as the conversation closed, and I followed him up the steps and out of the cellar.

Four hours later, Jasper's bar was fully stocked, I had repaired the old plumbing on the Miller's ranch, and the broken shutter at Doc Garrett's was no longer hanging by a rusty hinge. Once I was finished, I walked across the town square to McCarty's Diner.

The bell above the door chimed as I walked in, and I smiled over at Maggie as she wiped down the counter. Sliding into the booth in the back, I took off my hat and set in down on the worn leather of the bench seat next to me. As usual, I picked up the menu from the end of the table and began to scan over the same listings I had looked at for at least the last seven years. I don't know why I bothered—I always ordered the same thing.

"Hey, Edward." Maggie bounced on the balls of her feet as she stood next to my table, tapping her pencil on her order pad. "Do you want to hear today's specials?" Her dark red hair was pinned back off her face, and the smattering of freckles across her cheeks made her appear younger than she actually was. I laughed at her question. She asked the same thing every time I sat in her section, and she always ended up with the same answer.

"Just the usual, please, Maggie."

"You know one of these days you're gonna wanna try the cherry pie instead of the peach cobbler," she smirked as she walked away toward the kitchen.

Less than five minutes later, Maggie returned and placed a tall glass of iced lemonade in front of me. "Here you go, Edward. The usual." She smiled and wiped off the already clean table. "You been busy today?" she asked, making small talk like always.

I raised the glass to my lips and took a long drink before answering. "Pretty much. It was nonstop this mornin', but my afternoon is good. I'm gonna go out and see Charlie after lunch." My fingers slid down the condensation beading on the glass as we talked—me about my morning jobs and Maggie about the diner's morning customers.

"Mags, this ain't gonna serve itself," Emmett hollered from the kitchen window. With a quick smile, Maggie spun away from me and went to grab my steak and fries. It wasn't until later, when I was eating my cobbler, that Emmett joined me with a slice of his sister's homemade apple pie for himself.

"Hey, Eddie."

"Em." I nodded my head in greeting. "How's business?"

"It's good, usually busy, but we could afford a quiet spell or two." He forked a large piece of pie into his mouth and chewed slowly, closing his eyes in appreciation.

"You need anything looked at?" I asked, washing down a mouthful of my own dessert with more lemonade.

"Nah, we're good for now, man. But you're my first call if it all goes to shit." The dimples in Emmett's cheeks became more pronounced as he grinned over the table at me. We sat in comfortable silence for a while, the click of our forks on our plates, and the hustle of other patrons the only sounds around us. The McCarty's had owned the diner since we were all kids. Five years ago, Emmett had taken over the day to day running of the place, and so far, he was doing a great job.

"I hear Baby Bell's back."

I grimaced a little behind my glass, but hid my reaction as I drained the last of my drink. "Yeah, she's stayin' with the Chief," I answered, before filling my mouth with some of the sweet peach filling, hoping to avoid more questions about Bella.

"Billy was in this morning. He told me she just up and left Jacob. Asked for a divorce, just like that. Any idea why?" Emmett settled his fork on his plate at the same time I did, and within moments, Maggie was clearing away our empties.

"Can I get you boys anything else?" Her smile was warm and infectious. Maggie was a few years older than us, but she was still pretty. Emmett shook his head and she once again wiped the table.

"Just a bottle of McCarty's lemonade to go, please, Maggie, and the check." I replied, smiling back at her before she left.

"So, any idea?" Emmett probed.

"What's it to you?" I wasn't trying to be difficult, but I didn't understand why he was so interested.

"Because when Alice finds out, she's gonna wanna know." Alice was a year younger than Bella, and two years younger than the rest of us, but as far as I knew, the two of them had always been close friends. I sighed, resigned to the fact that Emmett seemed to know more than he probably should anyway.

"I'm not a gossip, Em."

"I know that."

"I don't know much more than you."

"But you know something," he reasoned. I sighed.

"Charlie said that Black asked for the divorce first. Asked for it three months ago in fact. Bella tried to work things out, I guess, but…well you know the rest. I guess Golden Boy didn't pass on that gem to his dad when he was paintin' himself as the hard done by husband," I scoffed. Emmett stared back at me for a moment, his blue eyes lost in thought.

"You know, I didn't even know she was married until she'd left for Phoenix."

"I didn't know until the Chief said," I mumbled.

"All the times we were out with the Chief, and we never asked him about her. She's all he's got, and we…not once." He shook his head in disgust.

"I know."

We both sat with our heads in our hands. Charlie treated each of us like family; in hindsight we were almost surrogates, perhaps in place of his absent daughter. He was sweet and gentle with Rose and Alice, who usually kept his freezer stocked, and I couldn't remember a weekend when Emmett, Jasper and I hadn't spent time watching the game or gone out on the lake with him. He was always there for each of us, and not once had we given him the opportunity to discuss the one person he couldn't be there for.

"She's in pretty bad shape." The image of Bella rocking back and forth flashed through my mind and I felt a pinch in my chest.

"Bella?"

"Yeah. Charlie doesn't know what to do with her," I confessed, giving more information than I probably should have.

"I'll bring Alice and Rose. At the weekend. We'll make things right." Emmett nodded firmly, determined now his decision was made.

"Jasper will bring Alice," I teased, grinning at him.

"Whatever, man."

~oOo~

As I walked up the drive with Charlie's lemonade under my arm and a slice of Alice's apple pie in my hand, I glanced up at the balcony, expecting to see Bella. The old rocker was empty. I smiled briefly at the thought of her picking herself up and dusting herself off. She was too good for Jacob Black, anyone who knew either of them—even a little—could see that.

The front door was open when I got to it, and I knocked quickly before walking past the crate on the porch and into the house. "Charlie? You in here?"

"Edward? Is that you?" he called back from the end of the hallway.

"Yeah, your door was open. I brought over some lemonade and a slice of pie." I laughed under my breath. "Thought I would replace the pitcher we drank the other day." There was no reply as I closed the fridge, and I walked back out to the hallway. Charlie was frantically pulling on his boots, looking harassed and concerned in the dim light. "Chief?"

"Bella's missing."

"Missing? What do you mean _missing_?" My entire body stiffened and the hair on the back of my neck bristled. Charlie was like family. That meant Bella was too.

"I came home from town and the house was empty."

"Did she leave a note?"

"No note, and no message on my cell." Charlie brushed passed me and headed toward the front door. I followed quickly behind him, out into the yard.

"Her car's still here; she can't have gone far." Charlie's steps faltered for a minute and he seemed to be considering what I had said. "Maybe she just went for a walk. Why don't you check the orchard and I'll check the back paddock?"

Charlie scoffed, "Told you before, son, six trees don't make an orchard."

I offered a smile in return, happy I was able to distract him for a minute. I clapped a hand on his shoulder and shook him gently. "I'm sure she's fine, Chief."

"You're probably right, but she should've left a note."

"Meet you back here in twenty?" I glanced at my watch as Charlie grunted in agreement, and we both took off in our respective directions.

The grass in the paddock was long and swayed in the warm breeze. In an hour or so the sun would be getting ready to set and the air would start to cool. The stars would shimmer in a cavernous sky, and the fireflies would dance and play over the grass and among the trees. I wondered how long it would be before Bella would start to appreciate the simple things again, and I hoped, for Charlie's sake, as much as her own, that Jacob hadn't succeeded in destroying her completely.

I climbed the fence and scanned the small field. It was empty and the grass was undisturbed. Bella hadn't even been here. I quickly made my way back to the house, only to find Charlie there alone and still looking distressed.

"No sign of her?" he asked. I shook my head.

"She'll be back, Charlie. She can't go far on foot—besides, she has nowhere else _to_ go. Why don't you wait in the house, and when she gets home, call me. Just to let me know, okay?"

"Sounds like a plan. She probably won't be long," he said, absently scratching his head. I smiled in reassurance, and Charlie reached down, handing me the small crate full of clean jars. Rose and Alice would be busy filling them with fruit preserves in the next couple of weeks.

I started to head back to my truck, and as I secured the jars on the floor, I called back, "Call me; don't forget."

"Will do. Now go on, get." Charlie smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes, and he closed the door between us.

~oOo~

The sound of ringing and a heavy vibrating noise pulled me from an uncomfortable sleep, and I reached automatically to the end table, next to the couch, and grabbed my cell.

"Hello?"

"She's not back yet."

"Charlie?"

"She never came home. I waited up, and she's still out there."

"I'll be right over."

Less than fifteen minutes later, I was pulling up outside Charlie's house with my flashlight in hand. He was already pacing across the yard, one hand gripping his hair while the other hung loose at his side.

"You could have called earlier, Charlie," I said, approaching him, suddenly feeling bad for leaving him alone earlier. He stopped abruptly, and the whites of his eyes gleamed as he stared at me.

"I was trying not to worry. Maybe she just needed her space, but it's dark now, and late, you know?"

"I know, Charlie. It's okay."

"Sounded like I woke you. Sorry, son."

"I dozed off waiting for your call; I was only on the couch." Guilt flashed over Charlie's face as I spoke without thinking. "Don't worry about it, I'll catch up tomorrow. Let's go find Bella."

"I already called Yorkie. He's got a couple of his deputies out looking for her. I'm gonna take the truck and cruise out along the highway—"

I shook my head. "You should stay close to the house in case Bella or Eric call." Just as Charlie looked like he was going to protest, I gripped both his shoulders firmly. "Listen, if Bella comes back and the house is empty, how do you think she'll feel?" I had no idea. I didn't know Bella well enough, but if I had to guess, I'd say she would feel hurt and a little deserted. Either way, Charlie seemed to get what I was saying because he finally agreed to stay put.

"What about you? Where are you headed?" he quizzed desperately.

"Did you check the lake after I left?"

"No, I didn't think there was any point. The keys for the boat are still on the hook in the kitchen, and Bella can't row."

"I'll check the lake then. I've got my cell if you need me." I took off toward the dock and, after what Charlie had said, was surprised to find the smallest of his three boats missing. Did that mean that Bella was on the lake? I considered the possibility of the rope working loose and the boat floating out by itself, but Charlie was careful with his boats. It would have been secure.

The moon was high, though not quite full, and cast silver white slivers across the rippling surface of the lake. I hoped that, between my flashlight and the moon, I would have enough light to not only see where I was going, but to look for Bella as well.

I untied the remaining row boat and climbed in, fixing my flashlight between my knees. I pushed off from the dock and lowered my oars. With my back facing the direction I was headed, to say that rowing in the dark was awkward, was an understatement.

A dull _clunk_ resounded though the night as something hit off the side of the boat. Raising the light in my hand and aiming it over the water, I was able to see I had been struck by an oar, slightly smaller than my own. Pulling it from the water, I tucked it under the bench seats and let it lie in the bottom of the boat. Yes, Bella was definitely out on the lake, and she was out here with only one oar.

Cutting through the water, I periodically swept the light out around the boat and over the glassy surface. The only disturbances to the quiet night were my breaths, the steady splash of the oars as they sank and surfaced, and the occasional frog croaking by the shore.

I paused, letting the gentle current carry me while staring back at the house, lit up in the distance, and wondered if I was wasting time: mine, Charlie's, Bella's.

That's when I heard it. The even lap of rolling waves sloshing against the side of another boat. I twisted on my bench and lifted my flashlight over my head, scanning the immediate area for what I hoped would be the last time.

"Bella," I called out as soon as I saw her. She offered no response, and I began rowing quickly in her direction. She was nestled at the foot of the old willow tree near the center of the lake, her knees hugged close to her chest and her hair falling around her face.

I grounded my boat and tied it off to a thick root near the edge of the small island. Giving the rope a sharp tug, I inwardly smiled. It was secure enough, besides, I wasn't staying long. I pulled my cell out of my pocket, and sent a brief message to Charlie: I_'ve got her. She was under the willow. Have her home soon._

"Bella," I half whispered, not wanting to scare her, as I put my cell back in my pocket and crouched down in front of her.

"The mist…" Bella's eyes fluttered open before closing again sleepily. "Is it dawn yet?" she mumbled. "Are my reflections here?" She was making no sense, and as I placed my hand on her exposed knee, I realized she was cold. I silently cursed the fact that I hadn't thought to bring a blanket and quickly shrugged out of my jacket, ready to offer it to her.

"Bella, can you stand up for me?" I coaxed.

"I'm not ready," she whispered, her voice thick with sleep as her eyes opened and closed again.

"You can't stay out here, Bella," I said softly. "Your dad is worried about you." A muted whimper faltered in her throat, and she shifted slightly.

"I don't know what I did. It all changed." Bella's eyes looked grey and lifeless in the moonlight, and I felt my chest pinch, again, at the sadness etched across her face. Black had done that to her. She was a shell because of him.

"Shhh, come on, Baby Bell." My hand automatically seemed to make its way to Bella's cheek, and I thumbed away the tear that was rolling down over her skin. "Let's get you home." With a little maneuvering, I was able to slide my arms under Bella's legs and around her back, lifting her easily and lowering her into my boat. I wrapped my jacket around her shoulders and untied the boat from the old root. I would come back for her boat tomorrow.

The journey back to the dock was made in silence, and as I watched Bella, she stared, unfocused, at the house over my shoulder. Once the boat was secure, I offered her my hand to help her up onto the dock, but she remained perfectly still—not moving or acknowledging me in anyway.

"Bella?" No answer.

"Bella, I'm going to pick you up and carry you up to the house, okay?" She remained still. With a small sigh of defeat, I pulled her to my chest and secured her in my arms. By the time I reached the end of the dock, Charlie was already heading straight for us.

"Is she okay?" His arms reached out to take her from me, but he was exhausted and could barely stand upright himself.

"It's okay, I've got her." Charlie fell in step beside me and began to brush Bella's hair off her face with his fingertips. "She's fine, just a little cold."

"Just take her up to her room, son."

"Will do," I replied, walking through the front door and heading for the stairs.

Charlie disappeared into the kitchen while I took Bella up to her room. It was only as I settled her on her bed that she finally spoke again. "Edward?" Her voice was a little hoarse and she sounded confused.

"Hey, Bella." I kept my voice low and soft.

"Edward Masen?"

"The very same." I smiled at her as she looked up at me and a small frown appeared on her forehead. Bella opened her mouth and closed it quickly without speaking, obviously deciding not to share what she was thinking. "You should sleep." She swung her legs up under the duvet and settled her head onto the pillow, without changing out of her shorts and t-shirt. I didn't think she would be comfortable, but it was none of my business what the woman slept in.

Bella's eyes began to fall heavily, and she rolled onto her side, facing me as I kneeled next to her bed.

"You used to make fun of me," she murmured. Her eyes were closed, but she was still awake.

"Yeah, I guess I did," I whispered back, remembering how Jasper and I used to tease her in high school.

"Don't do that anymore, 'kay?" Her voice slurred, succumbing to sleep at last.

"Okay." She didn't hear me, but as I brushed the hair off her forehead and smoothed away the little crease between her eyebrows, I knew that I would keep my promise regardless.

After I left Bella's room, Charlie passed me in the hallway with a glass of water in his hand.

"The guest room's made up for you. It's late; you shouldn't drive home. Thanks for your help, son." It was my turn to feel guilty as I thought about Charlie making a bed up for me while he had been worried about his daughter.

"You didn't have to go to all that trouble, Chief, but thank you."

"It's no trouble. You're family." Charlie nodded his sincerity. "I'll be in Bella's room if you need anything. I'm gonna sit with her for a while."

"Sure thing, Charlie. She's taking things pretty hard right now, but we're all here for you both. You know that right?"

"Thanks, son."

"Of course. We can always start anew tomorrow. See you at breakfast. Goodnight." We both slipped from the hallway and closed our doors on the long day.

Tomorrow the sun would rise and bring with it a fresh morning, and a new set of challenges. And just maybe, if we all pulled together, Bella would see herself clearly and start to try just a little bit harder.

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A/N: Teasers as usual on PicTease and The Fictionators this coming week. Thanks for reading.


	5. The McCartys

**A/N: My infinite gratitude to my pre-reader, miztrezboo, who despite the odds, gave Alice her love, and my thanks to annanabanana, who stopped me from making what could have been a very embarrassing mistake this chapter. **

**Chapter Music: Not As We by Alanis Morissette **

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**Chapter 5: The McCartys**

**:: Bella ::**

My entire body ached as I rolled over and stretched my arms above my head. My back arched and popped, while the muscles in my legs flexed and pulled unforgivingly. I felt my shorts cutting into my thighs and hips and suddenly wished I had slipped them off last night.

Streams of gold filtered in through the open windows and the hanging voile fluttered and billowed gently in the warm breeze. Soft snoring permeated the quiet of the morning and I smiled, turning to watch Charlie, as he slept on my old daybed. He was still dressed, sitting propped up among cushions and worn ratty bears, with his arms crossed over his chest and a frown drawn heavily across his forehead. He looked exhausted and uncomfortable, but he had stayed.

Climbing out of bed, I padded over to his side and swept my fingers through his hair. He stirred for a moment but sank further into the large cushions, forcing his shoulder to press against the frame, causing the bed to groan in protest.

Leaving the morning sun behind me, I left Charlie in my room and headed for the bathroom, hoping that the heat of the water would sooth my stiff body.

Steam began to fill the room as the warm water circled the air, and I was immediately reminded of the shrouding mist coating the lake last night. I cleared the fog off the mirror over the vanity and stared at my reflection, shocked at what I saw. Purple-grey hollows sat under dull and lifeless brown eyes. The once full and wavy hair was now lank and flat. Skin usually dusted with the hint of a blush now looked pasty and dry. The reflection looked sad and pitiful, an unrecognizable shell of its former self.

I had allowed Jacob to do this to me, but I was, at least, partially responsible. This was my chance to start afresh. No expectations, no demands, no darkness or repression; just me and my own decisions. _I_ had granted Jacob his divorce. _I_ had left and come home. _I_ could move forward, but only if I tried. And I _could_ try, if only for Charlie's sake. I wasn't sure if I was ready to stand on my own yet. My self doubt and lack of understanding about where it all went wrong still felt like a weight on my shoulders. But I could shift from day to day with a modicum of grace and the pseudo appearance of healing, if that's what was necessary.

Stepping under the hot spray, I allowed the water to saturate my hair and flow down my back. As it ran over my skin, I relished the warmth it provided and basked in the sanctuary it offered. It wasn't long before the water cooled and my pinkened skin began to wrinkle. Wrapped in a towel, I made my way back to my room, only to find it empty upon my arrival. I dressed quickly in a sundress and made my way downstairs.

Voices floated out of the kitchen, among the sounds of breakfast cooking, as I reached the foot of the stairs. I faltered on the last step when I realized it was Edward sitting with Charlie.

"I'll go out and get the boat after breakfast," Edward said.

"I'll take you out on the _Bella-Marie_, she'll get you there faster." Charlie's voice was laced with pride, and I cringed as I heard the name with which he had dubbed his largest boat.

"I was just going to tie it to the back of the other row boat and tow it in. You spend some time with Bella," Edward dismissed.

The last thing I wanted was to be scrutinized as I stumbled and groped blindly in the dark, trying to find my own feet and a balance that would satisfy Charlie's need to see me whole again. No, today I was getting out of the house—by myself.

I moved quickly into the kitchen, before my entire day could be planned out for me, and reached into the fridge to grab the milk. Charlie was sitting at the table, nursing a mug of coffee as Edward stood in front of the large range cooking bacon and eggs.

"Morning, Bella. How'd you sleep?" Charlie asked, looking up from his mug.

"Morning, daddy." I walked over to the table and kissed the top of his head. He smiled at the gesture, and I took a steadying breath at the realization that, perhaps, my façade would be easier than I first thought. "I think a better question would be, how did you sleep? That old daybed isn't comfortable enough to sleep on, dad." He waved me off, and I sat down opposite him, sipping my milk.

"I slept just fine, don't you worry about your old dad," he scoffed, but I didn't miss the almost subtle flex of his leg as Charlie tried to straighten out his knee. His leg still gave him trouble when it got too stiff or when the weather changed and the temperature dropped. He really should have slept in his own bed.

Edward approached the table with a plate for each of us. Bacon and eggs with pancakes and fresh fruit filled the plates, and it was only then that I noticed the toast and maple syrup already sitting on the table.

"You must be hungry," Edward said, looking at me and sitting down next to Charlie. "You can't have eaten last night." He was right, of course—and I was starving—but the Edward I remembered used to hide my lunch and tease me mercilessly at school. I shrugged my shoulders, indifferent to his offering.

"I guess I could eat something." I felt Charlie's eyes on me, likely watching with anticipation and hope that I was going to finally eat something after a week of avoiding everything, including food. I tentatively pushed the fruit around with my fork before taking a small bite and forcing a smile, chewing slowing and deliberately. The fruit was juicy and fresh, but none of the taste registered in my mouth as I swallowed awkwardly, reaching for my milk to wash it down.

Edward and Charlie sat, watching me cautiously for a few moments until I spoke. "It's not going to eat itself, boys," I quipped, as I gestured toward their own, untouched plates. With one last look in my direction, they both settled down to their breakfast. I finished my fruit and a piece of toast, unconsciously pushing the rest around my plate while Edward and Charlie spoke about fishing at the weekend.

I needed to leave, to escape the house and any questions about yesterday's disappearance. Clearing the table of empty plates, I rinsed the dishes and stacked them in the sink, waiting for a gap in the conversation before I spoke.

"Daddy, can I borrow your truck today?" I asked sweetly. Charlie gave me a speculative glance before finishing his coffee.

"I can drive you, Bells. Where you headed?" he quizzed casually without making eye contact. He might not be the Chief anymore but he was still a creature of habit. I didn't want or need an interrogation, or a chauffeur; I just needed some time and space.

"I was just going to drive into town, Daddy. I could pick up some dinner from the diner and be back here before six." Charlie wavered for a moment before meeting Edward's eyes.

"That's a pretty nice Audi you have outside, Bella," Edward remarked. My gaze turned frosty and my voice lost its sweetness.

"It's not mine. The Audi belongs to Jacob." Edward's back straightened, shocked by my tone, but he dropped the subject. Charlie passed me the keys to his old truck.

"Back by six, Bella, or we'll be out looking for you."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, and as I reached for the keys, I kissed the top of Charlie's head before turning to leave the house.

Making the drive into town, my body shuddered and bounced as Charlie's truck jerked sharply over the divots and holes in the old dirt road. As I headed out toward the highway, I watched the heat haze ahead, shimmering over scattered stones, while a cloud of dust swirled in my wake.

The cracked leather on the worn bench seat felt cool under my thighs in the unforgiving, late morning heat. Rolling down the window, I closed my eyes for a moment and relished the feel of the breeze on my face, knowing that once the afternoon arrived the sun would become almost unbearable.

There were no other cars on the road as I made my way into town. The only other houses out by Charlie's belonged to the Masen family, and I wouldn't be surprised to hear that Edward was the only one to venture off the estate anymore.

In no time at all, I pulled into the parking lot at the back of the old movie theatre and smiled wistfully at the high school memories the building evoked. The fissure in my chest ached as I thought of Jacob, and I struggled to push memories of him to the back of my mind, choosing instead to focus on times spent with girlfriends and Charlie. Sharing popcorn, sprinkled with Milk Duds, and arguing over who would sit where.

Rounding the corner, I was faced with a parade of small stores lining the street opposite the town square, where I stood. The contrast to Phoenix was startling. Gone was the industry of the big city: the commercialism, the architectural design and the structure. This was a town of simple people and simple times. They set their own pace and weren't swallowed up by the world and its rapidly growing economy. Jacob had lost that, and in turn, so had I.

Most of the facings were worn, with paint peeling around the windows; the shop signs needed repainting and the moldings needed to be varnished. But the town was exactly as I remembered. The barber's was right next door to the hardware store, and the bakery was three doors down from that. The pet store was still right along the street, and McCarty's Diner had never looked better.

The store that caught my eye, though, was Masen's largest clothing store, Second Chances. The thrift store had been open for as long as I could remember, and by comparison to most stores, was still considerably small. More memories flooded my senses as I stared at the overstuffed window, full of hat boxes and mannequins dressed in vintage apparel: Alice and me, running through the store in flapper dresses and feather boas, the two of us spending countless Saturdays playing dress up, flicking through rack after rack of dresses and bootleg jeans, or micro minis and go-go dresses.

A vivid memory of Charlie taking me dress shopping for my junior prom overwhelmed me, and as I stood in the street I felt the world begin to spin as if in slow motion—watching the events playback in front of me like a movie reel over time. One dress tried on after the next, sharing happy smiles and teasing laughter. Matching shoes and crinkling noses as important decisions were made about colors and hair styles. The next image hit hard and fast: seeing myself in my senior year, laughing and talking with Alice and Lauren as we came out of Second Chances, bags and dresses in hand. Those days seemed so far removed now; they felt like a lifetime ago.

A strong gust of wind blew down the street, whipping my hair around my face and pulling me from my reverie. Before I could stop myself, I made my way across the street, taking deliberate steps, and walked into the familiar store.

"I'll be right with you." A young woman's voice drifted out from behind a stack of boxes, and I felt a pang of nostalgic sadness at the fact that Mrs. Cope wasn't sorting through the delivery.

"Take your time, I'm in no rush," I assured as I began to finger some of the clothes to my right. "I'm just going to look around."

"Okay, thanks. Shout if you need anything. I'll be done in just a minute." The woman sounded relieved to be able to continue with her work, and again, I was reminded of just how far removed Masen was from Phoenix. High strung sales assistants working for commission, following you throughout the store and pandering to your every whim in the hopes of securing your future business, versus a casual browse as you try on items at your own leisure. I hadn't realized how much I had really missed home until that moment. What had I let Jacob and the life we had built together do to me?

Boxes thumped and the occasional sigh filtered through the store, and when the store's phone began to ring, the sound of a palm slapping hardwood resounded in the air. I stifled a laugh under my breath when the sound of scuffling feet and frustrated muttering ensued as the woman moved to answer her call.

"Second Chances, Al—" she stopped, interrupted by her caller.

"Emmett McCarty! You can't keep ringin' me every twenty minutes, I'm busy!" She paused. "No, I didn't see who came in." I rolled my eyes and scoffed, a crazed laugh erupting from my mouth. We were both being less than discreet. Between my eavesdropping and her busy-body routine, we were like peas in a pod. After a moment, the woman's voice dropped to a whispered hiss.

"No, I don't know if she can hear me…No, I can't go to the window…'Cause she'll see me, you idiot." Her voice peaked as she spoke, and I maneuvered myself between two mannequins, facing the glass, to see what Emmett was talking about.

Casting my eyes along the street, I saw the unmistakable mass of Emmett, pacing in front of McCarty's diner, and realized he must have seen me enter the shop.

"Oh, my God. No way! Bella? Bella Swan?"

I tried to extract myself from the window quickly and quietly but only managed to twist my foot into a stack of shoe boxes and purses. As I reached to steady myself, my elbow knocked the second mannequin and sent a handful of scarves floating up into the air. I stood still, unable to react, while the chaos rained down around me, waiting patiently to be discovered. Laughter drew my eyes to the back of the store, and I couldn't believe what I saw.

"Ally? Is that you?" I tried to take a step forward but my foot was ensnared by a purse strap. Alice had hardly changed—dressed in a floaty bohemian skirt and lace cami top—she was still shorter than me, her frame petite and graceful. An elfish crop replaced the long hair she had once worn back in high school, highlighting her cheekbones and enlarging her luminous, rich hazel eyes. Her smile broadened as recognition settled over her face, and she spoke into the phone.

"Gotta go, Em." Alice hung up the phone on her brother and ran down the length of the aisle toward me, her flip flops slapping against the soles of her feet as she moved. Her swift embrace sent the mannequins in the window careening to the floor, and we both stumbled into the rest of the display when I lost my footing and fell backwards.

"Nice to see you, too, Alice," I groaned as my old friend squeezed her arms around my back, expelling all the air from my lungs.

"Don't you 'nice to see you, too,' me, Bella. Why didn't you say something?" Alice shifted and pushed herself up off my chest, leaving her hands on my shoulders for support.

"I didn't realize it was you, I swear," I gasped, rolling Alice off me. She lay back among the scattered sweaters and raincoats—not the sort of things you would expect to see for sale, considering the current Texas heat, but Ally never had been conventional—and stared up at the ceiling.

"You never called, Bella. Where've you been? What've you been doin'? Do you know what it did to Charlie when you left? Why're you back? Where's Jacob? What happened? How long are you stayin' for? You never called. Not once. I missed you." Her gaze never once met mine, instead remaining on the lighting overhead while her questions came in rapid succession, without hesitation. A trace of sadness and hurt lingered as she became quiet, and for a moment I considered leaving, unable to give a good reason for abandoning my friend. But I knew I couldn't. I was here to stay and it was time to try making amends.

"I'm sorry, Ally." I paused as she briefly looked at me expectantly and then rolled her head away again. Taking a deep breath, I answered her questions. "Phoenix, that's where I've been—being Jacob's wife. Charlie seemed okay the times we talked, he really did. Erm…I left Jacob, he's not here. Honestly, I don't know what happened. He asked for a divorce one night; it came out of the blue. We never discussed it—we didn't discuss a lot of things, actually—and I'm home for good." A sad and awkward silence descended over the space between us, and I watched Alice as she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.

"I really am so very sorry, Ally." I sat with my legs crossed beneath me, waiting anxiously for her to say something, _anything_.

"Why're you sorry, Bella? Because you cut us all off, or because you have to face us now?" She turned her head to look up at me and a tear slid down the side of her face. Before I could answer her, Alice spoke again. "Charlie was devastated, you know. He wore a brave face for you, but he missed you so bad—we all did."

"I'm sorry, for more than you can know, Alice. I really am." I knew amends were due but I couldn't, not today. I had made it out of the house; I had come into town. I had even managed to share a fairly civil breakfast with Edward, but I couldn't stand the guilt I was feeling for the way I had treated the people I had left behind—Alice and Charlie especially. Unfurling my legs I moved to stand up, but Alice stopped me before I could lift myself from the floor.

"So, tell me. Don't just leave. Let me back in, Bella," Alice implored, placing her hand on my forearm and pulling me back down onto our blanket of coats.

"I don't know where to start." I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I thought about my empty life and how short our conversation was going to be. I'd left Masen with dreams of grandeur and love; instead I had become nothing more than a Stepford wife. It was humiliating and heartbreaking.

"How about startin' with when you left Masen?" I watched as Alice stood and walked to the door, turning the sign in the window and locking up. She settled back down in front of me, offering a small smile of encouragement as she mirrored my posture: back straight, legs crossed with our hands resting in our laps. We sat for over two hours, talking about my life with Jacob in Phoenix.

I told Alice what had happened the night he asked for the divorce and how he had taken me roughly, lacking the sentiment of a lover's touch. I cried as I told her of those first few weeks I had spent in tears, desperately trying to understand why my marriage had failed and why Jacob didn't want me anymore, wondering why we couldn't work.

I told her of the following three months—the months that I had stayed, but not really fought for my marriage. The months that I had silently watched as Jacob had drifted further away from me, doing nothing to try and pull him back and anchor him to my side. I shared all the mornings that Jacob was often on his way out of the house by the time I awoke, and the evenings I was usually in bed by the time he returned home at night. Late meetings, business trips, functions, none of which I challenged or cared about.

In turn, Alice told me of Masen and how things had changed in my absence. She had taken over the day to day running of Second Chances, managing the store on behalf of Mrs. Cope. Ally talked about her work with passion and enjoyment; she was at home here, surrounded by our memories. She shared the fact that she was now living with Jasper Whitlock, and had been for just over a year, ever since Emmett and Rose had gotten married.

I also found out exactly how Charlie had taken my leaving with Jacob.

"He was a mess, Bella. He worked doubles. He barely ate. He even stopped fishin'." Alice's voice was pained as she recalled Charlie's misery.

"In two years, he never said a word, I swear," I whispered, feeling my heart break a little more in my chest.

"Of course he didn't."

"But why?" Never once had Charlie voiced any loss or sadness at my moving. I knew I'd missed him immensely, and a large part of me resented Jacob for the fact that I hadn't seen my father since we had moved away. But if I had known that Charlie _needed_ me, then I would have moved the earth to get back to him.

"You're his baby girl. He couldn't tell you. What could you have done? You'd only have felt bad, and he couldn't have that."

"So how did he…"

"Rose and I started taking him dinner. We always said we cooked too much, of course. Or we'd invite him over for supper." Alice laughed. "But boys will be boys, and one thing led to another. Dinner became watchin' the game, and that became goin' fishin' on the weekends."

"That'd be nice." Charlie would have liked that, something to keep him busy.

"We became his family, Bella, but it wasn't the same. We all still felt it. Still felt _you_ missin'." Alice reached for my hand and took it in hers. "Jacob had no business takin' you away from your family and your friends. Everyone hurt because of it. But you're home now, and that's what's important."

I smiled weakly and gave her hand a grateful squeeze. "Thank you, Ally. I can't ever repay you. You were here for Charlie at a time when—" I choked back another sob.

"Shhh, it's all done now. You're home now and it'll all be okay." Alice pulled me to her and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, speaking again into my hair. "So what's next?"

I let out a short and teary laugh. "I have to pick up dinner for tonight, and if I'm staying, I need to get a job."

Releasing me, Ally's eyes met mine and she smiled. "Well you're in luck, I know just the place."

We said our goodbyes and I promised to speak to her later in the week. Not five minutes later, I was entering McCarty's Diner while the bell tinkled over the door. Although it had been years since I'd been inside, nothing had changed. Worn red leather bench seats sat interspersed with white linoleum tables, trimmed with chrome. The matching counter caught the afternoon sun, shining through the large window, causing the bright rays to bounce and reflect off the mirror mounted on the back wall.

I perched on one of the stools in front of the register and ordered a cherry coke, watching as Maggie—my old sitter—dropped three cherries into the glass before she slid it over to me. I ordered burgers and fries to go and two slices of pie: one apple and one cherry. After Maggie had placed my order, she returned to wipe down the counter.

"Hey, Maggie."

She looked up and smiled. "Hey, girl. Long time no see."

I felt my cheeks heat in embarrassment, and I forced a smile. "Yeah, sorry about that," I mumbled. "Is Emmett in today?" I took a long pull of my coke through the straw and squeezed my eyes closed when the bubbles danced up my nose.

"He sure is, sweetie. You want me to call him for you?"

"No thanks, I'll just wait." I shook my head vigorously, and Maggie chuckled, walking over to a booth by the window to take a new order. Of all my high school memories, the ones of Emmett were sometimes the sweetest. Where Edward and Jasper would tease me, Emmett was always sincere; although most of his energy had been focused on Rosalie Hale—energy, it turns out, that had been well spent.

"Baby Bell!" The voice of Emmett McCarty suddenly bellowed from the kitchen serving window, startling me and causing me to spill a little of my coke.

"Hey Emmett." I winced and scrunched my nose as his grin continued to spread across his face and he stepped out to stand behind the counter. I reached for a napkin and wiped at the sticky mess, concentrating as the brown, carbonated syrup soaked into the tissue.

"What brings you back to town?" His dimples twitched while he watched me toy with the other napkins stacked next to the register.

"I need a job," I half-whispered, quickly glancing up and meeting his eyes before dropping my gaze back to my hands, then flitting it back up to his face once more.

"Well you've come to the right place." His face softened briefly and he turned, grabbing an apron and a notepad from under the counter. "Welcome to McCarty's."

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A/N: Thank you for reading and for all of your wonderful reviews so far. I have my laptop back now and I am getting through them all slowly but surely. Teasers will be found in the usual places this coming week.

I also posted a one-shot for Smut Monday this past week, so if you're looking for a little citrus, and you feel so inclinded, please check out: Fridays at Four. Thank you.


	6. Whitlock's

**A/N: Thanks to my pre-reader, miztrezboo, for all of her wonderful notes on this chapter. And to my beta, annanabanana—Jasper was thinking of you in this chapter, bb, long before you joined us. I'm still getting through all your wonderful reviews. Thank you so much for your encouraging words—I read every one.**

**I also wanted to say that my blog also has some extras for RoH: playlists for existing and future chapters, outfits and recipes etc. I may also start posting a mid week teaser, but we'll see how that goes.**

**Chapter Music: The Sun Will Rise by Brendan James**

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Chapter 6: Whitlock's

**:: Bella ::**

I stacked another buttermilk pancake onto the plate as I heard Charlie's feet on the stairs.

"Mornin', sweetheart," he greeted as he entered the kitchen and helped himself to coffee, briefly pausing to kiss the side of my head.

"Morning." I smiled, watching him settle into the kitchen chair by the window. "I made pancakes, are you hungry?"

"For your pancakes? Always." He grinned, and I set the stack on the table along with fresh juice and a bowl of fruit salad. We sat in silence, eating and drinking until our plates were finally empty.

"So when do you have to be at work?" Charlie asked, disrupting the stillness in the kitchen.

"Eleven. Emmett needs me there after breakfast to get ready for the lunch crowd. Will you be okay by yourself?" I asked, standing to clear the plates.

"I'm sure I'll manage, Bella. I'm a big boy, been on my own for a while now." His tone was playful, but his words fell heavy in the air. I had left him, and he'd had no choice but to get on with things by himself. The plates slipped from my hands and crashed into the sink, braking against the glasses in the process.

"Bella, I didn't mean—"

"It's okay, I know." I stopped him, before he finished speaking. I was trying for Charlie's sake, but I knew that I couldn't deal with him tip-toeing around me. I would carry my guilt, and it would be a reminder of how I had come to be here now and why I had left in the first place. I didn't want the easy way out. I needed to repair the damage I had caused, but it would take time, and I needed to heal myself first. The only flaw in that logic was, I didn't know how to begin the process, or how long it would take.

"I'm glad you're home, Bella." Charlie stood behind me, his hands on my shoulders while I cleaned out the sink, removing the broken plates and glass. "I don't know what Jacob was thinkin', sweetheart, but don't let him win. You need to pick yourself up and start over. Yesterday was a great step forward; workin' for Emmett will get you out with the townsfolk, but don't close yourself off to new possibilities, Bella. You're too important to me." He squeezed my shoulders once before letting go.

"I'm trying, it's not easy. But I'll get there," I tried to assure him.

"I see that. You know you can talk to me about anything that's on your mind, right?" Charlie moved to lean against the counter next to me and I saw him, staring at me, out of the corner of my eye. I nodded to show I had heard him and offered a weak, watery smile. "Okay then." He kissed the side of my head once more and pushed off the counter. "I'm heading down to the boat. The keys to the truck are on the hook if you need them. Try and enjoy your day, sweetheart."

"Thanks, daddy," I murmured, as Charlie left the kitchen and the front door closed behind him.

~oOo~

"Two cheeseburgers and fries with a side of onion rings for table three, and three strawberry sundaes for the girls at number seven," I called through the divide into the kitchen as I clipped the orders to the board.

"Table two is up," Emmett called back, sliding two steaks and a salad through the hatch. I balanced my tray nervously and made my way to the table.

"One medium-rare and one well-done?" The couple smiled and indicated their respective orders as I placed them down on the table. They both declined further drinks, and I left them to enjoy their lunch.

"So, how's your first day treating you?" Maggie asked when I got back to the counter.

"Good—busy—I have no idea what I'm doing." I laughed awkwardly, dropping my tray as I tried to stack it with the others.

"You'll get the hang of it, and Emmett's a patient guy." Maggie smiled reassuringly.

Ten minutes later, the orders for tables three and seven were called. Maggie and I retrieved them from the hatch, and took them out into the diner.

It was barely noon and I hadn't stopped since I'd arrived at McCarty's. I liked being busy, though; it meant I had little time to let my mind wander. I wiped tables, restocked napkin dispensers, and took order after order. Maggie and I worked together to clear the tables and booths, always keeping the counter clear for the regular customers. Just as I was filling the last of the salt and pepper shakers, the door chimed and Maggie called out across the diner.

"Hey, Rose. Good mornin'? How're the kids?" Maggie smiled as she leaned forward, her elbows resting on the counter. I followed her eyes and saw a tall blonde woman with soft features walking toward us both. Her floral print dress swung about her knees as she moved and her cardigan was fitted at the waist but was still modest. It took me a moment, but I finally recognized her as Rosalie Hale—head of the student body counsel and voted 'most likely to become a mom.'

Rose laughed. "You know what first graders are like."

"I know what the Burton kids are like," Maggie countered with a shudder, and I tried to place the familiar name she had mentioned.

"Them too." Rose laughed again, and as she did, her eyes met mine momentarily before flitting back to Maggie. It wasn't that Rose was cold; it was just that we'd never had the opportunity to become more than acquaintances. She was always Alice's brother's girlfriend, and nothing more. She was older than us both and kept to her own group of friends.

"You remember Bella, right?" Maggie introduced.

"Of course." Rose smiled and turned back to me again. "Emmett mentioned that you would be working here, Bella. It's nice to see you home. Alice has missed you. So has Charlie." My chest constricted. Rose was practically a stranger and yet she still had the power to make me feel guilty about events that were no longer in my control. I wondered how many more people from my past would have the same effect—widening the chasm in my chest further before I had the chance to right my wrongs and heal completely.

"Thanks, I missed them, too," I mumbled, by way of reply. Perhaps realizing my discomfort, Rose shifted the conversation, but it was too late—I already felt the tears welling up in my eyes and turned to wipe them discreetly.

"Is Emmett in the kitchen?"

"He is. Cookin' up a storm as always." I could hear the smile in Maggie's voice, and I longed for its warmth to reach me behind the counter. It didn't.

"I'll just slip back and say hi." Light footfalls indicated Rose's movements toward the kitchen. Before she made it behind the counter, the kitchen door swung open and Emmett's voice rang around the diner.

"Hey, baby. How's work?"

"I didn't come to talk about work, Em. Give me some love." A short squeal burst out behind me and I lifted my head, surprised by the noise. I had forgotten that the back wall of the diner was completely covered in mirrors, and I watched Emmett wrap his arms around his wife, lifting her easily and kissing her soundly before placing her back on the ground. The moment was so sweet, that this time the tears escaped, rolling down my cheeks.

Emmett caught my eyes in the mirror and bent forward, whispering something to Rose, before moving to stand behind me. I dropped my eyes and began fiddling with my apron, determined not to let him see me upset.

"Hey, Baby Bell. How're things goin' so far?" His voice was soft and low, keeping the conversation between the two of us. I nodded my head and swallowed hard, trying to regain my composure before I spoke.

"Good. Maggie's been great," I croaked.

"Glad to hear it." He patted my shoulder a little awkwardly. I lifted my face upward, slowly, willing my eyes to dry as the air conditioning unit powered on overhead. "Think you can handle a delivery?"

"Are you sure you want me to take it?" I garbled, somewhat panicked.

"Well, it's you or Maggie. Would you rather run things here while she's out?" His tone was playful, and I realized then that the delivery was more about me than it was anything else. One of the kitchen staff could have easily taken it. Emmett was giving me the chance to escape if I wanted it. I wasn't ready for this. I appreciated the job and his help, but I needed to get out for a while.

"Where am I going?"

"The bar on the corner of Bickenbach and Austin." Emmett walked to the kitchen and returned with a large paper bag, stamped with _McCarty's Diner_, on the side. Untying my apron, I stowed it under the counter and took the bag from him with a grateful smile. I offered a small wave to both Maggie and Rose and began to head for the door.

"Oh, and Bella?" Emmett called out after me. "Take your time. No need to rush back, okay?" He threw me a final wink and I slipped out of the diner, heading for the comfort and isolation of Charlie's truck.

~oOo~

Five minutes later, I pulled up outside the bar in question.

"You have got to be kidding me," I groaned, staring up at the sign on top of the large wooden building. There, painted in Southern Red, between two giant carved boots, was the name—Whitlock's. I fell forward against the steering wheel, resting my forehead on the top of the leather, breathing heavily through my mouth. Could today get any worse?

Grabbing the lunch order, I heaved myself out of Charlie's truck and slammed the door behind me, stalking toward the bar with determined steps. The main door to the bar was unlocked and swung open to reveal a large open area that I assumed was used for dancing. Tables and chairs were set out around the edge of the space, and booths lined the back wall alongside four pool tables while almost two dozen stools ran the full length of the polished wooden bar.

The lights throughout were dimmed, with only the lights over the bar shining brightly, illuminating the large stock of liquor on the shelves that lined the wall. For a moment, I considered the possibility that a drink might be nice, maybe dull some of the ache, but I dismissed the thought just as quickly.

"Hello?" I called out, walking over to the bar and perching on one of the stools. When there was no immediate answer, I sat for a few minutes, wondering if I should just leave the order on the counter and go. It wasn't like Emmett didn't know where to send the check. It was then that a scuffling noise from the door marked 'cellar' caught my attention. I turned toward it and tried again, hoping that it wouldn't be Jasper, but one of his staff instead.

"Hello? It's Bella from McCarty's with your order."

"Bella? Baby Bell?" The unmistakable sound of Jasper's voice carried up from the cellar, quickly followed by the pounding of his feet on the stairs. _No such luck_.

When he walked through the door, I sucked in a quick breath through my slightly parted lips. Jasper Whitlock had changed. He was no longer the lanky boy I remembered. The man that stood behind the bar was broad and muscular. His build wasn't as large as Emmett's, but Jasper's arms were toned and his shirt pulled tight across his defined chest and stomach.

"Baby Bell, you're starin'," Jasper joked. My eyes snapped up to his in an instant, and the deep blue I found there danced with laughter, at my expense. His sandy blond hair was disheveled and longer than he used to wear it, and his jaw was no longer clean shaven.

"Sorry," I finally managed to blurt, and I thrust the food bag toward him. Jasper reached for two glasses and put them between us on the bar top.

"Can I get you a drink? It's on the house." His smile was warm and inviting as he tossed some ice in the low ball glasses. I wavered momentarily, unsure of how to answer. Emmett may have told me to take my time, but he was still expecting me back—sober.

"Come on, name your poison," Jasper coaxed. "I'll make it a small one."

I sighed reluctantly, peer pressure getting the best of me at twenty-five years old. "Whatever you're having is fine."

"Thatta girl, Swan!" he all but cheered, reaching for a bottle of Jack. "Or is it Black?" he quizzed, raising a curious eyebrow in my direction.

I groaned, dropped my head onto the bar. I hadn't had anything stronger than champagne since college. "No, it's Swan," I affirmed.

"Here, I'll mix it with a little something since it's still lunch time." I heard him mix it with something before sliding it over the bar, leaving it next to me. He rustled the bag and, lifting my head, I saw Jasper produce two cheeseburgers and an extra large portion of fries.

"You expecting company?" I asked, getting ready to leave if he was busy.

"Nah, but I was hopin' that you'd stay and join me." He loaded the food, and our drinks, onto one of the trays and started to head to one of the booths under the dim lights. "You comin'?"

"Sure, sure," I grumbled, climbing down off the stool and following him to our new location. I slid in opposite Jasper just as he started eating his burger.

"Even cold, Emmett knows how to grill good beef," he said, speaking with his mouthful. I smiled for the first time since I'd arrived. Just like Alice in her store, Jasper looked comfortable and at home in his bar. Jasper swallowed and washed down his burger with a sip from his glass. "So, you wanna talk about it?"

"Talk about what?" I hedged, hoping to avoid another conversation about Jacob. He and Alice lived together; surely she had filled him in on the finer points of my situation. A more curious question, of course, would be—why did he care?

"Nice try, Baby Bell."

I rolled my eyes. Clearly the nickname the three of them had given me in high school had stuck and wasn't going anywhere soon. "What do you want to know?"

"Why don't you start with why you're home?"

I lifted my glass to my mouth and took a deep breath, hesitating for a second before I allowed the amber liquid to flow past my lips and coat my tongue.

"Sweet Jesus, what've you put in there?" I ground out, my mouth puckering, overloaded by the taste sensations: over sweet with a bitter burning aftertaste.

"Sweet tea, actually. It seemed like a fittin' afternoon drink," he replied with mock coyness. "Don't change the subject."

"You must have talked to Alice, I'm not going over everything again," I said shortly, taking another mouthful, but better bracing myself this time.

"Fair enough, just the basics then."

"Jacob asked for a divorce—while he thought I was sleeping—I waited to see if that _was_ what he wanted, and when he didn't give any indication of wanting to stay married, I went to a lawyer. The papers arrived, and I left." I polished off my drink and placed the glass back down on the table, the thick bottom hitting harder against the wood than I expected.

"Another?" Jasper asked, gesturing to the glass. I shrugged my response and he moved to get me a refill. The second glass was taller but the same color, and upon tasting it, seemed weaker than the first.

"Thanks."

"Alice mentioned late night meetin's and business trips." It was a statement, not a question, and I nodded my agreement. "Was he seein' someone else?" Jasper's question threw me. I hadn't considered the possibility of Jacob cheating on me, not really. He wouldn't, would he? I had given up everything…

"Bella?"

"I don't…He wouldn't…I'm not…" I couldn't engage my brain long enough to finish my sentence, so instead took a long drink of Jack and tea.

"Okay, slow down there, slugger." Jasper reached over and pulled my glass away from my mouth. "I was just thinkin' out loud."

"Something must have made you think about it." I could feel my stomach rolling, and I wondered if it was the alcohol or the thought of my husband sleeping with another woman.

"Edward and I—"

"Edward? So you've both been laughing and joking behind my back?" I slid across the bench and made to get up, but Jasper moved and his arm shot out, blocking my exit.

"For the last two years, I've listened to Alice talk about how much she's missed you, not sure if she should keep callin' after you stopped returnin' her calls." Jasper looked at me pointedly, but without judgment, and I tried in vain to swallow the awkward lump in my throat. I couldn't expect any of them to understand—or forgive me—but it had just been too hard to talk to anyone at home when I was so far away from it.

"I've listened to Charlie talk about how much he wished Jacob could have built his business here, instead of takin' you away," he continued. "When Edward told me you'd come home, I was happy for Alice. I was happy for Charlie. But their happiness comes at a cost, Bella, and I know that cost is yours. I'm just tryin' to help. No one is laughin' at you—behind your back, or otherwise. You have friends here, friends that care about how you're doin'. None of us want to see you hurtin'." Jasper relaxed his arm when I settled back into my side of the booth and began to take small sips from my glass.

We sat in silence while Jasper finished his burger and I picked at some fries. He refilled our glasses twice and retrieved a hidden packet of M&Ms from behind the bar, citing them as Alice's emergency stash. Jasper separated the blue ones—because food shouldn't be unnaturally blue—and I paired the rest into matching colors.

"You know, during high school, I knew all the other girls liked Jacob. But one of the things I liked the most about him was that he didn't seem to notice." I paused, popping two of the orange shelled candies into my mouth.

"Oh, he noticed, trust me," Jasper said with a hint of remorse in his voice. I felt my bottom lip quiver and sucked it into my mouth, trying to steady my shaky breaths at the same time. It was useless, my eyes pooled and the tears trickled down my checks before I could stop them.

"Explain yourself, please." My voice was barely a whisper.

"I shouldn't." Jasper shook his head. "None of us want to see you hurtin', remember?"

"Don't you think I'm already hurting? What kind of man has sex with his wife and then, less than an hour later, tells her he can't be with her anymore? What kind of man waits until she's sleeping and then tells her it's over? What kind of man…" My voice broke and violent sobs tore through my chest. Faster than I would have thought possible, Jasper was sitting next to me, pulling me tightly into his side. His strong arms wrapped firmly around my shoulders while he whispered words of comfort into my hair.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean—"

"Why, Jasper? Why does it hurt so much?" I hiccoughed, gasping for breath through my tears.

"It hurts now, but it _will_ get better. We'll get you through this, Bella. You'll be stronger and wiser; you'll love harder and with more passion. I know it's hard to see now, but you're loved, and you're beautiful, don't let Jacob take that from you." Jasper kissed my temple, and I lowered my head to rest my cheek on his thigh. I was suddenly so tired. My body felt drained, and my head hurt, my fingers and lips tingled from drinking the Jack, and my eyes felt puffy and red. I needed to sleep. I wanted to forget.

"You can sleep, but you won't forget—though time will make it all easier, Baby Bell. I promise."

I didn't realize I had spoken aloud until Jasper's soft voice washed over me, but as he slouched on the bench, stroking my hair, I knew he was right about one thing. I wouldn't forget, not yet anyway.

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A/N: Thank you for reading. Teasers will be found in the usual places this coming week.


	7. Fireflies

**A/N: Thanks as always to, ****miztrezboo and annanabanana. It takes all three of us to get these chapters to feel just right. I will always save you a booth in the back or a stool at the bar, ladies.**

**Thank you for your continued reviews; I'm getting to each of them in between writing new chapters.**

**Chapter Music: Easier To Be by Lifehouse **

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Chapter 7: Fireflies

**:: Bella ::**

My vision was hazy and the bar was darker than I remembered when I came to. My back was stiff on the ridged bench beneath me, and my head was throbbing, despite being cushioned by something soft coiled up under my hair.

Voices in the distance mingled with the clink of ice in glasses, and I scrunched my brow in a bid to combat the nausea rolling through my stomach. Jack and tea in the middle of the day might have seemed like a good idea at the time, but hindsight was a beautiful, clarifying thing.

Gripping the edge of the bench seat, I steadied myself in an attempt to get up but quickly froze when I realized who was at the bar, and what it was they were talking about.

"She spent most of the afternoon cryin' on my lap as she slept. She's a mess," Jasper confessed.

"Don't you think I know that? Why do you think I sent her here? I didn't want her feelin' obligated to stay at work, but she can't sit at Charlie's forever," Emmett fired back.

"What else do you suggest? I'm not sure gettin' her out is helpin'. Alice said she spent half the day cryin' on the shop floor yesterday." The sorrow in Jasper's voice was palpable and a fresh wave of guilt stirred in my chest as I reminded myself that I should be wearing my brave face.

"Well, for Charlie's sake, and for Bella's, it's gonna stop. No more wallowin' for our girl; today's gonna be the last day if I have anything to do with it."

I wished I could sound as sure as Emmett did in that moment. A little of his strength would go a long way.

"I'm not sure it's as easy as that, Em," Jasper replied wistfully. "She needs to know why."

"Is she ready for that?" Concern laced Emmett's words.

"That's what she's got us for."

I could hear the smile in Jasper's voice and I couldn't help the small smile that tugged at my own lips. I felt my eyes begin to tear again and knew that I had heard enough. I would not cry again today. Emmett was right—this would be the last day. The least I could do was keep my emotions in check and restrict my outbursts to the confines of my own bedroom.

"You know, I _can_ hear you two from over here," I groaned, sitting up and leaning my head back against the booth. "You could at least try and be discreet."

"Hey, Baby Bell," Emmett cooed softly from the bar.

"Hey, Emmett. Sorry about bailing," I croaked.

"Don't sweat it, I wasn't expectin' you back. You ready to head home? You probably shouldn't be drivin'."

"Sure, let me just call Charlie."

"I'll drive you," Emmett said as he walked over to me and hooked his arm around my shoulders, ushering me out of the booth.

"What about my truck?" I asked, my head still a little fuzzy from the alcohol.

"You can get it over the weekend," Jasper said simply. "I pulled it up 'round back while you were sleepin', so it's not like it's in the way."

"If you're sure..." I slid off the bench and leaned into Emmett for support. He laughed when I tripped over the toe of my boot and stumbled forward.

"Jeez, Jasper. What did you do to the Chief's baby?" Emmett chuckled as I tried to swat his arm away and stand on my own two feet. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt hung over. "I'm not sure I wanna be the one to tell him that she spent the afternoon drunk at Whitlock's." Suddenly the pancakes I'd made for breakfast seemed so long ago, and obviously the few fries I'd eaten at lunch had done little to absorb the alcohol I had consumed.

My brain was working just fine, my mouth didn't seem to have any trouble articulating what I was trying to say, it was just my legs and feet that seemed to be having the problem. Ironically, I would have given almost anything for the situation to have been reversed. It was my emotions and thought processes that needed numbing right now, not my motor functions.

"Sorry, Emmett. This might be a slow process," I moped.

"Enough of that," he scolded as he let me go and crouched down in front of me. "Hop on." He glanced back before reaching over and patting his shoulder. "Come on, Baby Bell. I won't bite." His smile softened, and with that, I wrapped my arms around his neck and Emmett hooked his arms behind my knees, before standing up and heading out of the bar to his car.

~oOo~

"Bella's drunk?" The disbelief in Charlie's voice was almost comical.

"Well, not so much drunk as…hung over." Emmett's voice peaked at the end, making his statement sound more like a nervous question.

"Whitlock," Charlie muttered with an amused snort.

"When you two are finished, can I get some help here, please?" I rolled my eyes and both men started forward across the yard, each offering me a hand in help. Charlie's cheek twitched, trying, in vain, to hide his smile. "You're enjoying this way too much, dad," I whimpered feebly while Emmett tugged me out of the passenger seat and to my feet.

"Maybe a little, sweetheart," he whispered against the side of my head. Scooping me up and holding me against his chest, Charlie turned to Emmett. "See you tomorrow?"

"Sure thing, Chief. Wouldn't miss the big game."

"Game?" I murmured, thankful to be floating and off my feet.

"Yeah, it's game weekend, Baby Bell. Rangers versus Mariners, baby, choose wisely. Losers clean up after the cook out," Emmett sang out as he climbed back into his mustang and leaned out of the window.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I sighed.

"Tomorrow, baby!" he yelled as he drove off, and Charlie laughed, his chest rumbling against my side.

"No, dad," I grimaced, the vibrations turning my stomach, and he laughed again.

"Come on, sweetheart. Let's get you upstairs to bed." He wobbled on his leg a little before walking toward the house. "You're heavier than I remember."

"I'm not twelve years old anymore, daddy."

Charlie sighed. "No, you're not."

The last thing I remembered was Charlie slipping off my boots and opening my balcony doors. Even the humid Texas air felt refreshing against my toes, as sleep claimed me for a second time.

It seemed like only minutes later, when the warm morning sun danced over the soles of my feet and the birds sang outside. I rolled onto my back and thought about getting a drink of water. My throat was dry, my mouth tasted disgusting, and my stomach was sore from hunger. No more Jack and tea for me—ever.

"Bella!"

I heard my name called in the distance, and wondered, for a moment, if I was still asleep.

"_Bella!_"

The voice was louder this time and I sat up slowly, pulling my patchwork quilt around my shoulders for comfort. Shaking my head, while sitting perched on the edge of my bed, the reality of my situation set in. I was no further forward today than I had been almost two weeks ago when I had arrived in Masen. I was still dressed in yesterday's clothes, my personal hygiene was slipping again and I had spent the better part of yesterday asleep in a bar. If anything, my bid to try and fool those closest to me was only taking a turn for the worse.

"_I know you're up there, Bella._"

I staggered out onto the balcony, still half asleep, and looked down into the yard. Emmett and Charlie were unloading two large coolers from the trunk of Emmett's car while Alice stood, staring up at me, her hand shielding her eyes from the sun.

"Mornin' sleepy head. Jasper said you'd feel a little worse for the wear today. Hot tea with a little honey'll pick you right up." Alice laughed and winked up at me, her comment even drawing a chuckle from each of the men at the car.

"No more tea," I sulked with a small groan.

"Suit yourself. Get in the shower, Bella. Rose is already down picking fruit, so you have until we get back from the orchard to be ready."

"Six trees don't make an orchard, Alice," I grumbled down to her, but offered a smile when she laughed back at me.

"You sound just like your dad," she called over her shoulder, turning toward the trees behind the house. "Now, get ready."

"Ready for what, Alice?" I shouted back.

"You'll see."

Twenty minutes later I was feeling rejuvenated and fresh. My teeth were clean and my breath no longer smelled two days old. I dried my hair, fixing it loosely off my neck with a pale yellow ribbon, before dressing in a white sleeveless blouse and a knee length skirt. I greedily drank down the iced water left on my bedside table and headed downstairs, following the laughter and chatter coming from the kitchen. Standing in the doorway, I surveyed the scene in front of me.

Charlie's large, ranch style kitchen was full of exuberant life. Emmett was crouched in front of the fridge stocking it with meat and beer. He was busy teasing his sister, trying to fend her off with one arm, as she advanced at him with a towel, snapping it occasionally against his bicep. Rose and Charlie watched from the center island, while she sectioned fruit and Charlie stole raspberries, his face twisting as the tangy fruit hit his tongue. I had missed this. I had missed my friends.

I kept myself hidden, watching them laugh and play. Alice squealed as Emmett lunged at her, grabbing her around the waist and hoisting her over his shoulder. Rose scolded Charlie, smacking his hand away, only for it to be replaced quickly with the other. He looked at her like a boy caught stealing cookies before dinner, a tiny pout playing on his lips, and her face softened. Rose raised herself onto her toes and kissed his cheek, ruffling his hair at the same time.

They were comfortable; they were family. I suddenly felt like I was intruding. I hadn't been here in so long, and they had all made lives without me—even Charlie. How could I expect to just walk in like I hadn't cut myself off for the last two years? The truth was, I couldn't.

I backed away quietly from the door and headed for the back porch. Despite the warm morning sun, the grass was cool beneath my bare feet and I relished the feeling of it between my toes. The house in Phoenix had backed onto desert and, even with the sprinkler system, the grass had been dry and course. There was still plenty of desert in Texas, but living so close to the lake meant that the grass and wild flowers thrived year round.

Walking down to the dock, I considered escaping for the day. Lying in the bottom of the small row boat, and floating out on the lake, sounded appealing, given the awkward alternative. I stood on the end of the platform, the grass tickling my heels while the blistered wood scratched the underside of my feet, and hesitated. Closing my eyes, I pulled the ribbon out of my hair and let the wind throw tiny wisps and tendrils around my face.

_You could try._

A deep and slow breath filled my lungs and I took a moment, forcing myself to absorb what was going on around me. The bank edging the lake smelled damp, and the surrounding grass and flowers hinted at the fragrance of summer. Birds flew over head, their song carrying on the wind, and the water lapped at the wood of the dock. I listened harder and heard faint laughter drift once more from the house, a reminder of what I had left behind.

I owed it to _myself_ to try, not just to Charlie. I wasn't sure who I was anymore. I'd been Jacob's wife, and Charlie's daughter… I wanted to be Bella Swan; I needed to find myself. I could do that in Masen, with the help of my family and these people who called themselves my friends, but only if _I_ tried.

I smiled out at the lake. "Not today, old friend," I whispered, stepping off the dock.

By the time I made it back up to the house, Edward and Jasper were pulling up in the driveway. Before Edward even turned the engine off, Jasper was out of the cab and hurtling toward me.

"There's my drinkin' buddy!" Jasper wrapped his arms around my waist, spinning me full circle before releasing me and taking a step back. "Did I see you down at the lake?" he asked, a curious look playing across his handsome face. I shrugged in response, unsure of how to explain my earlier feelings. He nodded slowly, watching my face carefully. "How you doin' today?" he asked quietly, as Edward climbed out of the truck.

"Better now," I answered honestly.

"Glad to hear it." Jasper smiled down at me before briefly turning back to Edward. "Don't forget the apples; Alice wants to bake a pie today."

When Edward rounded the front of his truck he was carrying a small box of apples and two bottles of McCarty's lemonade. "Mornin', Bella." Edward nodded and dipped his head in greeting. "Leave her be, Jasper, and take these to your wife." Edward teased, grinning at his friend.

"Don't you let Emmett hear you call her that," Jasper scoffed, his face reddening. "It's me that'd take the beatin' for it."

"It's your own fault. What did you expect? Going after the man's sister like a hound." Edward shook his head in mock disbelief. It was a side of Edward I had never seen before.

"Hey! My girl's not as sweet as she looks," Jasper defended, pointing a finger in Edward's general direction before taking the box of apples from him. Believing every word, I laughed, and it felt good. There was no guilt or remorse, just memories of mischief and humor. I recalled throwing water balloons off the top of the movie theatre, painting the bench in the town square and waiting for Doc Garrett to take his lunch there like any other day, and gluing quarters to the counter at McCarty's.

Growing up in Masen had been full of adventure and friendship, and while some of those memories were unpleasant—frogs in my locker, a grass snake in my book bag, my hair dipped in paint—most of them drew a laugh or a smile.

It took a moment for me to realize that both Edward and Jasper were staring at me.

"What?" I said, my laughter finally fading away.

"Nothing." Surprising me, Jasper leaned down and kissed my cheek. "You should smile more often, Bella." His tone was sincere, and he gave my hand a quick squeeze before walking past me toward the house.

I felt my cheeks heat and avoided looking at Edward, embarrassed by Jasper's comment.

"He's right you know." The sound of Edward's voice made me lift my head, and he handed me one of the bottles of lemonade, passing me and following Jasper into the house. I watched them both disappear before I started to move after them.

"Hey, Bella, thought you'd gotten lost," Alice said, as I hesitated in the kitchen doorway for the second time that morning. I opened my mouth to speak, floundering a little for words, when Jasper saved me.

"Nah, not lost at all. She just came out to help Eddie carry the lemonade. He's bound to be exhausted after spending half the morning rolling kegs in the cellar." Jasper quickly winked in my direction, and I smiled back, grateful not to have to explain my walk down to the lake. Everyone in the kitchen laughed at Edward's expense, but instead of outing me to the others, Edward merely leaned back against the counter and let a lazy grin play across his lips, keeping his eyes on mine.

I couldn't bring myself to look away, and after this morning's realizations, I held my ground and tried. Grinning back at Edward, I walked over to the fridge, bumping shoulders playfully with him as I retrieved his lemonade from the counter top. Storing both bottles on the top shelf, I turned back to find Charlie watching me with a look I didn't recognize on his face. Deciding not to press the issue, I reached into one of the drawers and pulled out an apron, tying it securely around my waist.

"So are we making jam, or what?" I asked, resting my hands on my hips. As soon as I had seen the spread of fruit and the array of copper and stainless steel pans earlier, I had known what the day had in store.

"Think you can keep up, sweetheart?" Charlie asked in a playful tone. "These girls have been making jam for the town fair for the last three years."

I smiled wistfully. Charlie knew very little of my life in Phoenix, and I had no one to blame but myself. None of them knew how I had tried to fill my days, waiting at home for Jacob. Interior design, gardening, the Food Network, and of course, making my own preserves.

"I'm pretty sure I'll be able to hold my own," I remarked, squaring myself up to the center island in front of some strawberries. I began cutting them into quarters, and as I did, Alice ushered the guys into the den ready for the big game.

Rose, Alice and I stood for over an hour, chopping, peeling and slicing fruit, mixing and throwing selections into pans ready for them to simmer on the range. We made small talk about Alice's store and we talked about Rose's class—the good kids, the exceptional kids and her difficulties with the twins. We never discussed Jacob, or my pending divorce, my move back to Masen, or how I was coping with all the changes I had made. We were just three girls from a small town in Texas, making jam and talking the day away.

"My pie is almost done," Ally said as she finished rolling out her piecrust. I watched as she blended lemon and cinnamon with sugar and flour, before coating her apple slices and a scattering of raisins, with the mix. She carefully spooned the apples into the deep dish set in front of her, before sealing it with the second piecrust she had rolled.

"This recipe goes no further, Bella." Alice looked at me with a grave expression on her face.

"It's hardly top secret, Ally," Rose laughed.

"That's beside the point. It drives the guys crazy that they can't guess what's in it." She giggled at her own admittance.

"What can't we guess, sis?" Emmett grilled as he strolled into the kitchen, empty beer bottles in hand.

"Nothing," Alice sang back.

"Did I miss the pie again?" Emmett whined. "You always get that baby closed over before I make it into the kitchen," he finished with a pout.

"I'm still making the cobbler, baby," Rose said, showing him the filling for her peach cobbler.

"Great, I'll send Edward in," he grumbled. "You know he loves your peaches." Suddenly realizing what he had said, and how it sounded, Emmett immediately blushed and tried to back pedal. "Your cobbler! Shit, Rosie, that didn't sound right," he mumbled. We all laughed as Emmett stuttered and cursed under his breath, finding simple humor in his innocent comment.

"Of course, they're actually Charlie's peaches…" Alice trailed off suggestively.

"Ew, Ally, gross," I laughed.

She raised her hands in defense. "I'm just sayin'." She ducked as I threw a towel in her direction, only causing more laughter to fill the kitchen.

"That's just wrong." Emmett defended his friend while he retrieved three more beers from the fridge.

"Emmett," Charlie hollered from the den. "Grab the chips, son. Game's about to start."

"Sure thing, Chief," he hollered back. Leaving him to it, Alice put her pie in the oven and Rose finished making her cobbler, placing it in the oven next to the pie, while I added the last of the sliced kiwis to a pan of strawberries. I sprinkled some crystallized ginger over the fruit and covered it with water, ready to simmer. With all of the fruit ready and sugared, it was time to start making the jam.

The guys could be heard yelling from the den, and they would periodically slip into the kitchen for more beer before ducking back out again. While we were waiting for the fruit to soften, Alice, Rose and I made turkey and cheese sandwiches for lunch, leaving the guys to their game and food while we continued to catch up in the kitchen and eat our own lunch.

Rose and Emmett were settling just fine into married life, though having been together since high school, Rose found that not a great deal had changed. The biggest difference had been moving into their own home.

"We waited, of course. The house was ready for our wedding night and Emmett was the perfect gentleman." Rose blushed and dipped her head shyly, and I reached for her hand across the island, giving it a gentle squeeze.

Alice groaned and hid her face with her hands. "You guys are rememberin' that he's my brother, right? I don't need all the intimate details." Her voice was muffled, and I laughed, shaking my head.

"Don't be such a prude, Ally. I think it's sweet that they waited. I'm surprised, though." I hesitated, meeting Rose's eyes for a moment before turning back to Alice. "The fact that Emmett was happy to wait that long is…well…amazing," I said frankly. I remembered all too well how anxious Jacob had been to get me in the back of his Volkswagon. Reminding myself that the past was in the past, I forced a smile. "You should be proud of your brother, Ally."

"Actually, Emmett's quite set in his ways like that. He was the one who wanted to wait," Rose said in a soft voice, clearly recollecting memories too precious to share. "He's a good man."

"He is," I confirmed with a sigh. "Not many of those left."

"I don't know," Alice spoke up. "There's a room full of good men just down the hall." The warmth in her voice seemed to spread through me, gently healing the aching fissure in my chest.

The atmosphere grew thick as we sat and thought about what Alice had said. Her words rang true when I thought about what each of the men had given me since my arrival back in Masen.

Charlie had opened his home and heart back up to me—after I had cut him out of my life—without a second thought for his own feelings. He had tried his hardest to protect me from the hurt and pain Jacob had caused, worrying about me and wishing he could do more. Emmett had given me a job, getting me out of the house and stopping me from falling into a depression so deep that I'd struggle to come back from it.

Jasper had been an unexpected friend—someone who had helped relieve the pressure building below the surface—and had allowed me somewhere neutral and private to purge my despair. Going so far as to offer alternative motives for a divorce I didn't understand, and forcing me to reconsider my own culpability. Finally there was Edward. He was Charlie's rock, the son he'd never had. Edward had given Charlie reassurance when I had none to offer and had come for me when I'd needed to be found.

They may not be perfect, but they were all good men.

It was Alice who broke the silence first, removing the tension and replacing it with a lightheartedness that was undeniably Ally. "Well, married life may be suitin' Emmett some of the time, but I know me livin' with Jasper is drivin' him crazy," she giggled. Rose laughed in response and got up to clear our empty lunch plates. I raised my eyebrow in question, and Alice moved to stir the pans on the range—for what seemed like the dozenth time this afternoon.

"When Em and Rose moved in together, I moved in with Jasper," she said, like it should have been obvious.

"Yeah, but you waited until we were on our honeymoon until you actually said anything to anyone, Ally," Rose teased.

"I don't see what the big deal is." Alice shrugged.

"Emmett is obviously traditional, Ally, and it sounds like as soon as his back was turned, you moved in with his best friend." I laughed. "I'm sure Emmett doesn't want to think about you and Jasper 'playing house' behind closed doors. You're still his baby sister."

"Wouldn't matter if I was married or not, I'd still be his baby sister, and Jasper would still be his best friend," Alice said pointedly with a wicked gleam in her eye. I knew that look all too well. Alice enjoyed making Emmett squirm, almost, I'm sure, as much as she enjoyed living with Jasper.

An hour later, Rose and Alice were ladling fruit jam into hot jars while I wrote out labels. Strawberry and Kiwi; Peach and Blueberry; Plum and Apple; and Raspberry—Charlie's favorite. Once we were done, we worked together to clear up the kitchen. I washed the pans and utensils, Alice dried them while she hummed and sang, and Rose stacked everything for storage. Both the pie and the cobbler were cooling on racks next to the range, and I basked in the late afternoon breeze blowing in through the open windows.

For the first time in weeks, I had genuinely enjoyed myself, and although I was happy with the progress I was making, it saddened me at the same time. I had spent the last two years merely existing. I remembered times with Jacob when I had been happy, or so I had thought. Events we had attended, weekends away, lunches at the country club, decorating the games room. They had all brought a smile to my lips, but at the end of the day, I'd had no one else to share any of it with. Outside of my marriage, I'd been alone.

Voices began to drift toward the kitchen and I knew the game was over. From the sound of laughter and cheers, it was clear that the Rangers had won. Within minutes the kitchen was a bustle of activity, and I smiled to myself. If I allowed it, I could have someone now. I could even have more than one someone. I just had to open myself to the possibility.

~oOo~

I sat on the old back porch swing, watching Jasper, Emmett and Charlie as they stood down by the grill—seasoning steak, marinating pork and preparing lemon trout. Rose carried the pasta and salad we had all made down to the large garden table while Alice went back and forth, retrieving bread and drinks from the kitchen for our dinner. They both fussed, making sure the food was covered, before stretching out on the large wooden loungers that Charlie kept down by the water.

"Do you mind if I sit?"

I shifted abruptly, causing the swing to twist and buck slightly. Edward reached out and wrapped his long fingers around the thick chains, stopping the swaying motion and stilling the movements. I lifted my legs, tucking them beneath me and smiled my thanks up at him.

"Of course not." I motioned with my hand for Edward to take a seat, and he gently released his grip on the swing before lowering himself slowly into one of the large wooden chairs next to me. In the last of the sun, Edward's eyes glimmered an earthy green, dusted with golden hues of barley. They were deep and rich, warm and open, and he held my gaze while I struggled to find something to say.

I watched expectantly as Edward swept his hands back and forth over the wide lacquered arms of the chair, his lips pursed in quiet contemplation, but he said nothing. I knew it would be less than an hour before the guys had the rest of our dinner ready, and I resigned myself to the fact that I could probably sit in silence with Edward for that length of time.

For what seemed like only a few minutes we sat quietly, absorbing the stillness of the evening, marred only by the occasional laugh or raised voice from the other end of the yard. The subtle shift in the night sky was the only indication that it had been more like half an hour. An inky blue blanket lay overhead, twinkling with stars. A slither of silver and purple nestled against the horizon—the only remaining hint of the setting sun.

I chanced a quick peek in Edward's direction and saw that his eyes were fixed on the fruit trees across the yard from the grill. Hundreds of tiny fireflies danced and moved through the branches and the long grass, oblivious to anyone watching them.

"They look pretty, huh?" Edward's voice startled me, and as I turned from the light show, I saw that Edward was looking right at me.

"Sure." I shrugged my shoulders. I had always loved fireflies, remembering how Charlie used to catch them in an old jar for me, so that I could still see them in my room at night. But the magic of my childhood had seemed to dwindle more rapidly over the last few months.

"It's okay to appreciate the little things, Bella. Taking baby steps is how you'll get through it," he said gently.

"He's left me with nothing. He's taken everything." I finally felt defeated. "I don't know how to take 'baby steps', Edward. What if I fall?"

"If you fall, we'll catch you—but you have to let us." Edward moved forward, perching on the edge of his chair and resting his elbows on his knees. "You're not left with nothing, Bella. You still have your dad, and you still have your friends."

"It's not the same," I reasoned, but noticed the hurt and rejection on Edward's face. "I didn't mean it like that," I said softly, feeling a little guilty at my prior dismissive tone. "I rebuilt my life for him. We moved away, we started over. Everything got put on hold, for the sake of his business—_everything_." I dropped my feet back down onto the scuffed wood of the porch and began to push myself gently.

"Everything?"

"When we were in college, Jacob spoke about having a family and I was excited, I wanted that. If I could be a mom, as well as Jacob's wife, staying at home and adjusting my dreams didn't seem like a trade off. I would raise our family and be supportive to my husband—my career could come later. Once we were married, Jacob promised that if I gave him one year to secure his investors, we would try and get pregnant." I took a shaky breath, remembering the many arguments Jacob and I'd had over the subject. I felt hot tears trail down my cheeks and quickly wiped them away. I didn't want to cry for him anymore.

"Needless to say, one year turned into two, and before I knew what was happening, he was asking for a divorce. We never even tried." That was the problem, we hadn't tried—to get pregnant, to talk about our marriage—and not knowing what I had done to provoke Jacob's request was the most painful part.

Edward stood up and hesitated for a moment, and I began to wonder if I had scared him off with my breakdown. I watched him step carefully around the low porch table and was surprised when he sat down next to me on the swing, draping his arm across the back of the seat. If Edward had reached out, his fingertips would have grazed my bare shoulder, but he kept his distance, respecting my personal space.

"It's not too late to rebuild it all again, to take back your life. You can find happiness with someone else, Baby Bell. You can still have your hopes and dreams," Edward soothed.

I turned once again to watch the fireflies. The sky had darkened a little further, and the yellow dots moved languidly, lighting that area of the yard.

"I don't know if I can. I don't know if I have any hope left, Edward."

"You should be able to have what you want, Bella—your family and your career. No one should ever stand in the way of that." It all sounded so simple when Edward said it. But I was weary; I couldn't trust myself not to make the same mistakes again.

"Dreams are like fireflies, Edward." I turned to look at him and was caught off guard to find he was already facing me. "You keep the brightest ones safe—locked away in a jar to chase away the darkest shadows. But eventually they die, and all you're left with is an empty jar." My voice sounded flat and hollow, and my heart stuttered in my chest while the warmth I had absorbed earlier began to dissipate.

"Bella," Edward whispered, his voice pained. "What did he do to you?" he uttered to himself, his question rhetorical, as he allowed the back of his hand to gently brush up and down my arm in comfort. His sad eyes focused on mine when he finally spoke again. "It's always darkest before dawn, Baby Bell."

No sooner had Edward voiced those words, I recalled the afternoon I had rowed out onto the lake. The mist hanging overhead and the reflections moving across the water, but more importantly, I remembered the promise of dawn and new beginnings.

Today had been full of 'baby steps'. It began with my epiphany at the lake and was quickly followed by the realization that I _was_ with friends and family who cared about me. Despite everything, I had enjoyed myself today, and this familiar group had been the key to that.

I wiped at my eyes, for what I hoped would be the last time this evening, and took a steadying breath. "Thank you, Edward."

"Just catching you, Bella." He smiled and squeezed my hand once before helping me to my feet. Charlie waved as the others milled around the table, plating their food and pouring drinks. "Come on, the day's not over yet." Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulders and led me off the porch. As we made our way down to the edge of the lake, I felt the hole in my chest warming, seeking the solace that could be found in these new friendships.

* * *

**A/N: Teasers as usual on PicTease and The Fictionators this coming week. You can now subscribe to my blog (link on my profile page) where you'll find outfits, playlists and possibly extra teasers throughout the week—because I'm impatient like that. Thanks for reading.**


	8. Like Old Times

**A/N: I know I say it every week but thank you to miztrezboo, who loves these characters almost as much as I do, and also to annanabanana who keeps me right with her red pen.**

**There's an important note at the bottom about next week's update, please take a moment to read it, thanks.**

**Chapter Music: True Colors by Eva Cassidy**

* * *

**Chapter 8: Like Old Times**

**:: Charlie ::**

I stood at the foot of the stairs, straining my ears and listening hard. I could hear Bella rummaging through her closet and muttering under her breath, and I couldn't fight the smile that spread across my face. For the last two days, Bella had been out the door before the sun was up over the trees. Emmett kept her busy at the diner, and I knew she was eating breakfast with Alice before her shift started. I didn't know what Edward had said to her on the porch, but whatever it was seemed to have worked. Bella was eating, and she was getting out of the house. Her heart would heal with time, and she wasn't giving up.

"Bella, you're gonna be late," I called up to her, before turning back to the kitchen to pour myself some coffee. Two minutes later, she rushed down the stairs and hopped through the hallway, struggling to put on her shoes.

"Daddy, can I use your—"

"Keys are on the table, sweetheart," I said, scratching the back of my neck sheepishly. I wasn't an idiot. Bella hadn't driven her fancy sports car since the day she had arrived.

"Thanks, daddy." Bella grabbed the keys and leaned up to kiss me goodbye. "I'll bring home dinner," she yelled back, closing the front door behind her.

As I finished the last of my coffee, the phone rang and I pushed myself off the counter to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Urm, hi, is Bella home?" Chills shot down my spine when I recognized the voice on the other end of the line.

"You've got a damn nerve calling my house, boy."

"I'm not looking for any trouble, Charlie. I just want to speak to my wife."

"Yeah, well, Bella ain't home." I didn't try to hide the satisfaction I got from stopping him in his tracks.

"When will she be back?"

"You listen to me, Black; whatever Bella does now is her own goddamn business. You don't get to decide her life for her anymore." My body was stiff with the tension rolling through my limbs. Who the hell did Jacob Black think he was?

"Look, she left me! She walked out on me! I came home to divorce papers and an empty house," he defended.

I'd heard enough of his bullshit.

"That's how you remember it, is it?" I was seeing red. "Let me remind you how _I_ remember it, shall I?

"Three years ago, you stood in this house and promised me you'd make her happy. You told me you'd never hurt her and she'd always be safe." My voice was harsh and laced with venom as I spoke. "And I told you there'd be hell to pay if you didn't keep your word. I knew what you were like—saw it with my own eyes—but you were what Bella wanted, and I sure as shit wasn't gonna be the bad guy." I laughed a sickly laugh. "But you proved us all right, and you let Bella down the most." If Black had been standing in my kitchen, I would have knocked his head clean off. "You think long and hard about what happened in that house, you son of a bitch."

"I think I need to speak to Bella about this, Charlie," was all he could muster.

"The hell you will! You'll stay away from my daughter or it'll be the last mistake you make," I seethed, my voice getting louder by the second. Jacob's single breath came loud and heavy down the line.

"Can you just tell her that I miss her? Please?"

"You don't get to miss her, boy. Not after what you did." I swiftly hung up the phone, ending a conversation that had already gone on too long.

I paced the length of the kitchen, thinking back over the last couple of days and the changes in Bella. It wasn't just working at McCarty's that had made a difference. Something in her attitude had changed. She seemed lighter and more carefree, happier almost. My gut twisted as I thought about the damage Jacob could have caused if he had managed to speak to Bella today.

Needing to get out of the house, I grabbed my working gloves and my overshirt and headed for the shed. Chopping some logs would be a good way to vent my frustration and anger over Jacob Black. After almost twenty minutes, my shoulders were stiff, beads of sweat had formed across my brow, and my arms were aching. I placed a thick piece of wood on the stump at my feet and raised my axe over my head. As I brought it down hard, splitting the wood in half, the sound of tires kicking up the loose stones at the end of the driveway caught my attention.

I turned to see Edward's red Chevy pulling up behind Bella's car, and I propped the axe against the stump, wiping my forehead with my handkerchief. While Edward ambled across the yard, I stacked the chopped wood up against the shed with the rest.

"Mornin', Chief."

"Mornin'," I grunted in response.

"You okay, Charlie?"

"Black called. He wanted to speak to Bella." I pulled off my gloves, and Edward followed me up to the house.

"He did what?" Disbelief and anger were both clear in Edward's tone.

"Yeah, that boy's got some set on him." I shook my head and helped myself to some lemonade from the fridge. I cocked my head and held up the pitcher, but Edward shook his own, declining a glass for himself. "Listen, I need to get out of the house. Did you need something, or can you grab some lunch in town?"

"Lunch sounds good."

Fifteen minutes later, we were both sitting in McCarty's, ready to place our orders.

"Hey, daddy. Edward." Bella rushed over, smiling at us both as she took our order. It wasn't long before she returned with our lemonades and wiped the table down. Excusing herself, Bella continued taking orders from the other tables. Her smile never faltered; she made small talk with unfamiliar faces and even laughed with Doc Garrett when he came in to get his lunch order.

"She's lookin' much better," Edward commented, watching Bella walk to the kitchen hatch.

"Yeah, I don't know what you said to her at the weekend, but she's been like this ever since."

Edward shook his head, turning back to face me. "All I did was remind her that she has friends and support here. The rest is all Bella."

"Well, I'm just glad you guys came over. She's starting to look…alive again," I said as I watched Bella move around the diner. Edward opened his mouth to speak but shut it abruptly when he saw that Bella was making her way back to our table.

"One chicken burger with onion rings and salad." Bella set my plate down with a disapproving look. "Maybe try the chicken salad next time, daddy." Edward laughed as Bella told me off with a cheeky glint in her eyes. "And one steak and fries." Bella set Edward's plate in front of him with a smile, and he returned it with a wink.

We ate in silence while Bella refilled our drinks and brought a second basket of fries to the table. It wasn't long before our food was finished and our plates were cleared away.

"Can I get you anything else?" Riley, the young busboy, asked while shuffling his feet. He wasn't the smartest kid in town, but his momma worked hard and had raised him right.

"I'll take a slice of apple pie with a scoop of vanilla." I had no idea what Alice put in it, but it was, hands down, the best homemade pie I had ever tasted.

Edward ran his hand through his hair as if he was thinking about what to order. He quickly scanned the menu before saying, "I'll have the cobbler, thanks." Riley turned to the kitchen and tripped over his feet as he cast a quick glance in Bella's direction.

"So, are you gonna tell Bella?" Edward asked, lifting his glass to take a drink.

"Tell Bella what?"

"That Jacob called."

"Not if I don't have to." I paused for a minute before continuing, "Look at her. She's smilin' and laughin', and it's like she's not forcin' any of it. I'll be damned if he's gonna rip it all away again." I smiled at Bella when I saw her walking over to our table with our desserts.

"Cobbler and pie," she said, laughing and shaking her head as she slid the plates in front of us. I gave Edward a pointed look, and he shifted his gaze to Bella.

"You can't be surprised, Baby Bell. It's all I've been thinking about since the weekend," Edward said in a playful tone, picking up his spoon and sinking it into the peachy sweetness.

"No, I guess not." She laughed again and smiled at Edward.

For the last two weeks, it had felt like something was crushing my chest. Bella was hurting emotionally, and there was nothing I could do about it. It killed me to be so close, yet helpless to help her at the same time. But over the earlier part of this week, I could see her spark slowly returning.

"I'll see you at home, daddy." Bella quickly kissed the side of my head and went back to her other customers. It wasn't long before Emmett joined us with a slice of pie for himself.

"Hey, Chief. Didn't expect to see you here." He grinned at me from across the booth. I looked over my shoulder and saw that Bella was busy at the counter making milkshakes with Riley. Happy that she wouldn't overhear our conversation, I turned back to see Edward leaning over and speaking quietly to his friend.

"He did what?" Emmett's voice echoed through the diner, causing people to turn and look in our direction. Riley dropped the tray of glasses he was carrying, spilling coke and milkshake over the floor. Quick as a lick, Bella was by his side with a cloth in hand, wiping up the mess he had made.

"Nothing to see, people." Emmett waved his hand at his customers and tried to stretch a smile over his face. "You got that, Bella?" he asked, changing his tone.

"Sure thing, Em," she replied with a lightness in her voice that had been absent until recently. "No use crying over spilt milkshake," she said as she squeezed Riley's hand.

"That boy's useless," Emmett grumbled. "If it wasn't for the fact that his momma's a friend of the family, he'd have been out on his ass long before now. I swear, it feels like he costs me more in broken glasses each week than he gets paid." Edward and I both laughed at Emmett's exaggerated remark. Riley was eager to please, always had been, but at least he made the effort. The mood changed in an instant when Emmett focused his attention back to me.

"When did he call?"

"This mornin'—after Bella left for work."

"He's got some nerve," Emmett fumed, taking a deep breath in an effort to calm down. "Does he know Bella works here?"

"I doubt it. He never asked; I just told him she was out." It didn't escape my notice that none of us were finishing our desserts.

"She's been doin' so great, Charlie. Maggie's out for a few days and Bella's been picking up the slack like a pro. She didn't even think twice about it." Emmett shook his head and leaned back in the booth. "When I think back to her first day…well, you know how that ended."

I chuckled at the memory of Bella unable to put one foot in front of the other. "How could I forget?" I replied, not looking for an answer.

"What happened?" Edward quizzed.

"Whitlock's." Emmett and I spoke at the same time, and for the second time since he'd sat down, his dimples appeared as he smiled.

Edward laughed. "Say no more."

"We're not tellin' Bella, right?" Emmett looked at Bella as she passed a customer her change.

"She doesn't need to know. Black had three months to talk to her before she left, and he said nothing. He's not upsettin' her now." Both Edward and Emmett nodded in agreement, and the three of us sat in silence, watching Bella as she continued moving happily around the diner.

~oOo~

"Daddy?" Bella yelled from her room. "Have you seen my boots?"

"They're by the back door," I called up to her. She rushed down the stairs and flew past me, gasping a quick 'sorry' as she brushed my arm. "Bella, where's the jam?" I had checked the pantry but couldn't find the large box of jars.

"Rose is bringing it, though I saved a jar of raspberry for you." She winked, and I focused on the toes of my boots. It was just like her to look out for me.

"You ready to go, sweetheart?" I asked, opening the front door.

"Sure," she said, smiling at me before ducking under my arm and heading out to the truck.

Five minutes outside of town, Bella started playing with the stations on the radio. She skipped through them all twice before turning it back off. It was another warm day, and the Texas sun showed no mercy as it beat down on the road. The windows were open in the truck, and Bella had twisted in her seat, hanging both her arms out of the window. She was humming something, and I smiled to myself, enjoying her mood.

"You seem excited," I commented, trying to sound indifferent. Bella turned back to me, placing her hands in her lap, and began picking the thread on her shorts. She took a deep breath and exhaled quickly, laughing as she did.

"You have no idea. I really _am_ excited." She laughed again, and this time, I couldn't help but laugh right along with her. "I can't remember the last time I went to the town fair." Bella shook her head and glanced out of the window briefly.

"You were seventeen. I was workin' and you went with Alice." I chuckled under my breath as I recalled the events of a day from years ago. "Doc Garrett called me up at the station to say you girls were sick. By the time I got into town, you were both lying in the town square, spread out among the hay bales, lookin' green as could be."

"Oh God, yes! I do remember!" Bella buried her face in her hands and groaned.

"Too much cotton candy and too many fried Oreos."

"Gross. I haven't eaten cotton candy since."

"And with good reason. You girls were sick all night." I shuddered, remembering back to the night that I'd held hair off both their faces.

"Well, I promise, there will be no candy today," Bella said as I pulled my truck to a stop outside of McCarty's diner.

Most of the roads were closed, in and out of town, due to the fair. It was the same every year. I met Bella at the back of the truck, she linked her arm with mine, and we began to walk down the street.

The fair was bigger than last year's. All four sides of the town square were closed off to make room for tables, stalls, and a mix of different activities. The biggest changes this year were the arrival of the ferris wheel, rigged on the south side, and the carousel, sitting on the north-west corner. As usual, half of the square was roped off for horse rides and a small stage had been set up for local bands at the other end, under the trees.

It wasn't long before we found Emmett's stall. The diner was providing the food for the day, and Emmett had three large grills going, flipping burgers, cooking hotdogs and grilling steak.

"Hey, Baby Bell. Charlie," Emmett greeted us both with a smile, and I nodded back in response.

"How's it goin', Emmett?" I asked as he gave Bella a hug.

"It's goin' good, Chief. The girls are settin' up, Jasper and Eddie are sortin' out the drinks and I'm just gettin' started." Emmett turned back to his grill and threw on some sliced onions. I knew that Jasper was providing the beer for the fair. He'd done it every year since buying Whitlock's.

"Daddy?" Bella gave a gentle tug on my arm, and I chuckled at the enthusiasm on her face. "I'm going to go help Alice and Rose, okay?"

"Sure thing, sweetheart. Do you need any money?" I reached into my pocket and pulled out a twenty, offering it to her. She shook her head, biting her lip, but when she stood on her toes to kiss my cheek, I slipped the money into her pocket. She laughed and her hand caught mine as it retreated. I shook my head slightly, telling her with my eyes that it was okay, to go and have fun. She smiled, and I took a deep, comforting breath.

"Thank you, daddy," she whispered before she walked off to the stall housing the selection of jam. The women in town always pooled together, making a selection of sauces in addition to the different jams and jellies on offer.

I surveyed the rest of the square, my old police instincts taking me back to a time when I felt useful in this town. Now that Bella was home, it was enough to feel needed by her, and she was filling the void and loneliness that her leaving had brought two years ago.

"So, Chief," Emmett spoke, distracting me from sadder times. "What're the plans for today?"

"Just hopin' Bella has some fun. That's it, that's my only goal."

"Sounds good. Ally packed a picnic and we made some fresh lemonade, and if I know my sister, there's a pie in there too, Chief." Emmett laughed as he emphasized each word with a wave of his spatula.

"God, love that woman," I laughed. "She's always treated me well." It was true. There was no substitute for Bella, but Alice had certainly eased the pain of being separated from her. They had grown up together and often spent as much time at each other's houses as they did their own.

"Yeah, you're totally spoiled. Mom still can't figure out why you ain't the size of your boat. She had to stop bakin' so damn much for dad when the doc told him his cholesterol was too high." Emmett shook his head, humor etched all over his face. "Dad sulked for a week straight."

"I can imagine." It was the same reason that Carlisle had taken early retirement from the diner. Esme had given him an ultimatum—it was the diner or his family. With the rate he was working, he wouldn't get to keep both. It was the kick in the ass he'd needed, and Emmett took over shortly after that.

"Take a seat, Charlie, and I'll send over a hotdog with everything."

"Thanks, son, that'd be great."

I took a seat at one of the many picnic tables set out in front of Emmett's stall and watched as the townsfolk moved from one stall to the next.

Jessie Call and her husband Embry were standing in front of the candy stall, handing their kids cotton candy. I shook my head in amusement—those kids didn't need any more sugar. Angela could talk a mile a minute, just like her momma, while Benji couldn't stay still for longer than a minute. How they weren't both the size of water barrels was beyond me.

Old Mrs. McKenna was as crazy as ever—sitting on one of the benches talking to herself. She was harmless enough, but more than once in my days as Chief, I was called out to a domestic disturbance at her house, only for her to be arguing with her own shadow when I arrived.

"Mr. Swan?" Riley drew my eyes from the crowd as he set down my food—ketchup, mustard and onions piled on top. "Can I get you anything else, sir?"

"Not right now, thanks." I nodded my head in thanks toward Emmett and smiled at Riley as he moved away. I let my eyes wander again, and this time, they settled on Bella. Alice was twirling her all over the street, both of them laughing hard and loud. I flashed to a memory of them doing the exact same thing across my front yard—Bella was eight, Alice seven. It was the same day that Bella had asked if Alice could move in and be her sister.

I took a bite of my hotdog, relieved that Bella seemed to be picking up right where she left off. Alice had missed her just as much as I had, and I knew it was one of the reasons that Alice had spent so much time at my house on the weekends.

Wiping the mustard from my chin, I swallowed my last mouthful and stood up from the bench. Emmett was busy trying not to scowl at the Burtons as their twins demanded plain hamburgers, having requested cheeseburgers only moments before. I threw him a small wave and began to walk around the square.

Kids from the high school were setting equipment up on the stage, tuning instruments and adjusting lights, ready for the evening. Walking past them, I made my way over to the horses. The Clearwaters had brought three of their mares into town for today's fair, and Leah was brushing the smallest one.

Just as I approached the fence, loud shrieking stopped me in my tracks and I turned my head in the direction of the noise. Jasper and Edward had joined Alice and Bella and the boys each had a girl hoisted up over their shoulders.

Bella laughed as she smacked at Edward's back, and Alice kept her arms outstretched while Jasper spun in circles on the road.

"She looks happy."

I turned back to face Leah and smiled. "It's taken a while, but yeah, she does."

"No thanks to Jacob, I'm sure," she remarked with distaste. Leah was older than her cousin and was only too aware of the type of man he really was.

"What did you hear?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"Only what Uncle Billy told me, which wasn't a lot." She shrugged before continuing. "Jacob made some mistakes, 'errors in judgement,' he called it, and he had a tough decision to make. But before he could talk to Bella, she'd left." The scepticism was clear in her tone; she knew there was more to the story, and she either knew not to ask, or she didn't care.

Leah was a hard working woman and didn't stand for any bullshit. Her dad had died six years ago, and when her mom couldn't get out of bed, Leah had stepped up to run her family's ranch. She had little time for Billy, and by extension, Jacob. They were the only other family her mom had, and neither had offered any help.

Leah was too proud to take handouts, but Sue had taken that much longer to grieve without her brother's support.

"Bella was too good for him anyway; always thought so," she declared.

I couldn't disagree.

"Yeah, well, she's home now, and if Jacob knows what's good for him, he'll stay away." I crossed my arms on top of one of the wooden fence posts just as Leah laughed.

"How likely do you think that is? When has Jacob ever known what's good for him?" She was right of course. Jacob could be an idiot, that much was obvious—he'd let Bella go.

"Leah, Leah! We wanna ride!" Angela Call bounced on her toes next to her brother as she waved ten dollars in the air.

"Every year," Leah grumbled. "I have no idea why I let myself get talked into this—I hate kids." She rolled her eyes at me and smiled good-naturedly. I laughed as she tightened it into a forced grin and called, "Coming right up, kids!"

~oOo~

Alice passed the potato salad, and Emmett set a plate of grilled steaks in the middle of the table. Bella finished pouring lemonade for everyone while Rose broke it to Edward that there was no cobbler. I passed the garden salad to Jasper, who loaded a large portion onto his plate.

"Hey, mister," Alice scolded. "Don't forget everyone else has to get some too." She shook her head in mock disbelief. "You'd think I didn't feed him at home." Emmett cringed, still sensitive to his sister's living arrangements, but said nothing as Rose rubbed his hand.

I watched in amazement when I saw Bella not only plating her own food but helping Edward with his as well. It only seemed like the other morning that they'd barely spoken at breakfast. Their bodies were angled toward each other, and Edward's eyes flitted from his plate to Bella's face.

Bella's attention never left her task, and after a moment, I cleared my throat discreetly. Edward's eyes shot in my direction, and for a second, he looked almost guilty. I laughed to myself and cut into my steak, taking a bite and chewing the meat slowly, and as I turned to speak to Emmett, I could have sworn I heard Edward let out a shaky breath.

With the sun sitting low in the sky, the lanterns strung around the square cast a dim light overhead and swung in the breeze. We ate our supper surrounded by other families taking time out of their day to regroup and catch up on the day's events. Bella, Rose and Alice talked about losing at the ring toss but eventually beating the Burton kids when it came to the ball toss. The stall they had set up was doing well—most of the jams and jellies were gone by mid-afternoon.

Jasper mentioned that he'd had to make a trip back to the bar for more stock. This summer was warmer than last year's, and evidently, the locals were feeling the heat, turning to the makeshift bar to cool off. The stage had needed some minor repair work, and without Edward's help, the mini concert planned for tonight wouldn't have been going ahead. Emmett had been busy all afternoon—the usual customers from McCarty's stopping by his grill in lieu of the diner being closed.

Both Bella and Alice had traded cotton candy for chocolate chip funnel cake, limiting themselves to only one piece, and Rose had enjoyed some caramel popcorn with a root beer. Bella's hands told one story after the next, just as eagerly has her mouth did, frantically twitching and waving in front of her face. Edward leaned to the side, narrowly missing a blow to the cheek more than once, and it wasn't until Emmett made a comment that she realized just how enthusiastic she was being. Her cheeks pinkened, but she laughed, and Edward bumped her shoulder with his, encouraging her to continue.

"Well, I can't eat another bite," I said, rubbing my stomach and licking the last of the apple pie off my fork.

"Me either," Jasper agreed, leaning into Alice and kissing her forehead. He whispered in her ear and she giggled, tucking her head into her neck as though it tickled. "I'm gonna have me some fun. You comin', Baby Bell?" Bella laughed and shrugged her shoulders.

"Sure, why not?"

Jasper held out his hand to her, and Bella took it, letting him tug her gently into his arms. He danced her down the street, much like Alice had done earlier, and I wondered if it was something Jasper and Alice practiced often themselves. I watched as Jasper helped Bella onto the carousel. They walked past the couples' carriages and weaved through the tandem horses. Bella circled the platform once before settling into the carved saddle of a green and peach mustang, baring its teeth and glittering in the sun. Jasper saddled up next to her, tipping an imaginary hat and dipping his head politely.

"He's such a fool," Alice laughed, as the carousel began to move.

"But, look at her, Ally," Emmett piped up. "She's lovin' it." Bella tilted her head back and held her arms out to the sides. Over the crowd, it was possible to faintly make out her shouting something about flying. We all laughed at her display as Jasper shook his head and mimicked her actions.

As the others talked and laughed around the table, I watched Bella, her knees pinching the sides of her horse as it lifted her up and down. The music started playing from the stage in the square, and Bella raised her arms high above her head. She was suddenly five years old again, sitting up there with her momma, squealing at me to watch her.

Tears began to prickle my eyes and I rubbed my hands over my face. I missed my wife, but at least I had my daughter back.

"You okay, Charlie?" Alice whispered, leaning her head against my arm.

"How could I not be, honey?" I offered her a small smile which she returned. "Bella's home, and she's getting over _him_. She's makin' friends again—I'm a happy man," I said honestly.

"Mmhmm," Alice murmured knowingly. "I miss her too, Charlie." She always was so observant. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Alice squeezed my hand once, long and hard, before releasing it and standing up. I watched her curiously, as she turned her attention to the rest of the group. "Come on, let's get this packed up." She gestured to the empty plates and plastic cups, throwing the scraps of wilted salad in the trash.

Less than ten minutes later, Bella and Jasper joined us in the line for the Big Wheel.

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea," I said out of Bella's earshot.

"She'll be fine, Charlie. I'll stay with her and we'll watch from the ground," Edward assured me. I raised my eyebrows and gave him a sceptical look.

"You really think Alice is gonna let her get away with that?"

He laughed. "Probably not, but she's less likely to be pushy if you're already up there."

"Next!" Brady Collins yelled, opening up the next car that stopped.

"You're up, Chief." Edward grinned and nudged me forward. Secured in the seat, Collins turned the motor on and the car chugged forward at a slow pace. What a piece of crap. I heard Bella talking to Alice on the ground, and from the way the conversation was headed, I knew that Bella didn't have a prayer. Sure enough, two minutes later, Edward was sitting with Bella in the car under mine.

Alice and Jasper were up next, followed by Rose and Emmett. Each couple sitting cosy in the middle of their cars, arms wrapped around each other and nuzzling each other's necks. I leaned over to catch a glimpse of Bella and Edward, and couldn't suppress the laughter that escaped my throat. Bella was pressed up against the very edge on her side, while Edward slouched casually with his arm running along the back of their seat.

They were polar opposites.

Bella had always been so methodical. Everything had to be planned; she was rarely spontaneous, while Edward was usually laid back and relaxed. He always took the world in his stride; it was like nothing ever fazed him, never had. Edward took one day at a time and did the best he could with the hand he was dealt.

As the cars swung up to the top, the old wheel groaned and creaked before shuddering to a stop. I darted a glance back down toward Edward and Bella's swaying car—while Bella's head whipped from side to side—and swept my hand over my face.

"Just hold on, sweetheart," I shouted down. "We'll be moving again in no time." Bella had never liked heights. She'd been terrified of being stuck at the top of the Big Wheel since she was a little girl.

"I'm okay, dad," she yelled back, her voice a little shaky. "Stop worrying."

When was she going to learn? I was her father; it was my job to worry. Hell, all I'd done the last two years _was_ worry. I was just glad to finally have her home.

I watched relentlessly as Edward spoke to Bella, trying his best to engage her in conversation but unable to distract her. I could see her back was rigid and her shoulders were tense, and I just knew that her little hands would be curled tightly around the safety bar until her knuckles were white.

Sighing, I leaned over the side of my car. "Hey, Collins! Any day now. I ain't gettin' any younger."

Edward cast me a brief look, and his apprehensive grimace told me that Bella wasn't doing so great. I looked back down at Brady and saw him cranking the motor. That damn thing was older than he was. Crossing my arms over my chest, I sank down into my seat, keeping my eyes on the back of Bella's head. I knew she was safe with Edward, but I also knew she would be panicking.

Without warning, Bella snapped her head toward Edward, her mouth moving quickly and her face becoming pale. Edward's eyes widened fractionally before he raised his arm and lowered it again, cautiously, around Bella's shoulders. I watched in shock, as his fingers disappeared into the back of her hair, his eyes locked onto hers and his face inched slowly forward.

I sucked in a breath, nearly choking, suddenly aware of what was happening in front of me. "Don't do it, son," I muttered under my breath, my words dying in the wind whipping around me. "She's not ready."

Just as their noses were about to touch, the wheel jerked and spasmed and we started our descent.

Edward shifted back to his side of the car, letting his hand fall from Bella's hair but linger on her shoulder a moment longer than necessary. By the time they joined me on the ground, Bella's cheeks were crimson and she avoided my look of concern. She moved off to the side, keeping her eyes trained on Alice, who was next off the wheel.

I turned to Edward and fixed my best fatherly stare on his baffled face.

"Don't make me ask, son."

"Charlie, I—" he began, his brow furrowing.

"Well?" I probed.

"It wasn't what it looked like?" It was a question. The poor boy had no idea what I was asking.

"I hope not," I laughed. "I'd hate to have to kick your ass," I teased, unable to resist winding him up.

"Chief, I…it was…well, when…she…" Edward stumbled over his words and I laughed again. It was clear from his confusion that my concern was unnecessary. I didn't know what Edward and Bella had been talking about up there, but he obviously wasn't rushing anyone into anything.

By the time Edward unraveled his tongue, Bella had returned to her normal color and we all made our way over to the edge of the town square. The music was playing loudly, and the girls were sharing a bag of cotton candy. The air had turned cooler and the sky had darkened as the night crept in. Over the next hour, we sat on the grass, drinking beer and coke, planning a day on the lake for the following weekend. It would be Bella's first since she'd come home, and Emmett was more than happy to arrange the shifts at McCarty's so that he and Bella could get the time off.

Without warning, the sky overhead lit up as the air cracked and thunder sounded around us. Before anyone could speak, the heavens opened and the rain began to fall heavily, soaking us all. Alice shrieked, and Rose jumped up, running for cover. Emmett followed after her, shouting a quick goodbye over his shoulder, and almost immediately, the rainfall obscured his retreating form.

"Come on, Ally," Jasper yelled over the down pour, grabbing her around the waist and carrying her off to his truck. "Thanks for a great day, catch you later!" he yelled, and I waved in his direction.

Edward helped Bella to her feet, and as I made to move toward my truck, I saw that Bella hadn't. Edward stood in front of her, watching her in bewilderment as she held her face up to the sky, allowing the rain to wash over her skin. Her hair was drenched, the water running in thick streams from the ends of her loose curls.

"Bella, you have to move!" Edward yelled over the sound of the rain. "You can't stay out here."

I scanned the square and watched as the townsfolk packed up sound equipment under tarps and threw hay bales into the backs of trucks. People were running everywhere, scattering in all directions. A thunderstorm in Texas was almost unheard of in June.

Edward clutched Bella's shoulders and drew her from her haze; their eyes met and she smiled. He laughed at her expression before he spoke with amazement in his voice. "What are you doin'?" His eyes flitted across her face, and she laughed a light and breathy laugh.

"For the first time in a while, I'm having a good time."

Smiling to myself, I grabbed Bella's hand and we all made a dash for the shelter and warmth of my truck.

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A/N: See? Bella's smiling, she's happy, she's having a good time. Fingers crossed this chapter means no more 'Poor Bella' reviews—at least for a little while... ;-)

**Mojo Music: Follow Me by Uncle Kracker—hummed by Bella in the truck.**

**A wee change to the posting schedule next week guys. I'm in training at work and haven't had much time to write, so there will be no update for the main RoH story on 16****th**** Oct, HOWEVER, I've written an outtake for this chapter which I will post instead. It's Bella's POV and takes place 50 feet above Masen. Pop me on alert as the outtake will be posted under a separate listing. Chapter 9 will be posted on 23****rd**** October.**

**Teasers on PicTease and The Fictionators as usual, and as always, thanks for reading.**


	9. Aro

**A/N: Thanks to miztrezboo, who laughed with me through this chapter, and to annanabanana, for making sure you weren't distracted by my mistakes.**

**Chapter Music: You and Me by Lifehouse  
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**Chapter 9: Aro**

**:: Edward ::**

My truck rumbled to a stop at the end of the driveway, and I blew out a slow breath. Coming here was always hard. I knew he would never improve—he had better days than others, of course, but he would always be deteriorating.

I made my way up the steps to the front door, and as the fifth one from the top creaked under my weight, I made a mental note to fix it before I left. The door opened as I reached the top step.

"Mornin', Edward."

"Mornin', Carmen. How's he doin' today?"

"He's been better, but it's not a bad day." She smiled kindly, and I squeezed her arm gently as I passed her in the doorway.

My grandfather sat in the sunroom, his frail body tucked under a blanket even in the morning Texas heat. My grandmother's photograph rested in his lap, his fingers reverently tracing her face as he stared out of the window. In the almost nineteen years she'd been gone, I'd never seen him without her picture.

As I moved into the room, he lifted his head and smiled. "Anthony." His voice quivered in greeting, and my heart sank.

"It's Edward, grandpa. Dad's with grandma, remember?" I knew he wouldn't.

"Yes, of course. Edward." He nodded absently, turning back to the window to watch two birds playing in the stone bath out on the porch. I sat down in the armchair opposite him, letting him think for a moment and digest the information about his son—again. "You didn't bring that girl of yours, did you?" he asked after a few minutes. "Libby?" he probed, his top lip turning up.

This exact conversation was why I dreaded coming here. I looked just like my father had at twenty-six.

"Now, Aro," Carmen interjected, offering me a wistful smile, "you know that Edward doesn't have a girl. In fact," she said, turning her attention to me, "have you _ever_ had a girl?" I laughed, and my grandfather looked at me with mild indignation etched across his face.

"Of course he's had a girl! Little Victoria Williams," he said with conviction.

"Vicky Williams? Second grade, Vicky Williams?" I asked incredulously. He couldn't remember what he'd eaten for breakfast, but my first kiss he remembered with perfect clarity.

"Who else would I be talking about? Your grandma loved her bouncy red curls. The two of you would always run about the yard, and you would tug on her hair…" his voice trailed into a laugh.

I laughed again, with him, as he reminisced over my childhood, and though it often hurt to spend time with Aro, it was moments like these that made the difficult times bearable.

"It was a shame she moved away," my grandfather lamented. "She would have been good for you." His eyes shifted, becoming vacant once more. "Far better than that Libby woman."

And just like that, he was gone again. I let my chin drop to my chest, sighing in defeat. He had never liked my mother.

"Edward, can I have a word?" Carmen kept her voice low, and I glanced up at Aro before meeting her eyes. A small smile graced his lips, and I followed his line of vision to see a butterfly hovering over the cut daisies sitting on the table just inside the window.

Getting up, I leaned over my grandfather, bracing myself on the back of his couch and kissing the side of his head. "I'll be right back." He hummed in absent acknowledgement, and I followed Carmen into the kitchen.

"How're you doin'," she asked, handing me a glass of iced tea.

"I'm okay; business is good." I nodded and set the glass on the table. "Is he giving you any trouble?"

"No," she scoffed, pulled out a chair, and sat herself down. Carmen pushed the chair parallel to hers out with her foot and jerked her head. "Park your backside, sunshine."

I chuckled at the endearment she had used for the last eleven years, but took the seat anyway.

"So, how's he doing?"

She laughed. "_I'm_ doing fine, thanks for askin' Edward." She pushed at my shoulder playfully, calling me out on my rudeness.

"Christ, I'm sorry, Carmen," I said ruefully, dragging my hand through my hair. "I don't know where my head's at this week." Out of nowhere, Bella's brown eyes, filled with timid apprehension, flashed behind my closed lids. The lights from the ferris wheel caught her face, momentarily blurring my vision, and I knocked my glass over.

"You ain't kiddin'." Carmen reached for a towel and began to mop up the golden liquid as it pooled across the table. "You wanna talk about it?"

I shook my head. "Nah, it's nothing." Even as the words came out of my mouth, they didn't sound right, but I had more important things to think about. I knew Doc Garrett had been out yesterday for a start. "How's grandpa doin', really? And don't go holdin' anything back and tryin' to spare my feelin's like last time." I raised my eyebrow, challenging her. It had been almost a month before I'd found out that he wasn't bathing himself anymore.

"Well, you know the doc was here yesterday," she started slowly and I nodded in encouragement. "He had to change your grandfather's meds." I knew it was coming, he'd suggested as much during his last visit.

"What else?"

"That was pretty much the extent of the excitement with the doc. There have been a couple of other…incidents. He fell out of bed two nights ago. His hip's pretty bruised, but he didn't break anything, thank God. The doc isn't sure how he avoided it. He was a little disorientated, but that could have been from hitting his head or from being, you know, Wednesday," she said with a shrug, widening her eyes.

More and more frequently, my grandfather had been losing his balance, taking dizzy turns and tripping over his own feet, and muddling one day with the last.

"I don't know how you can joke, Carmen. Not when you see him like this everyday." I wasn't berating her, far from it. She spent more time with Aro than I did, and I found it heartbreaking. It must have crushed her to see it day in and day out.

"It's my job, Edward. I'm used to it."

"Don't give me that BS," I almost snarled before softening my voice.

"If I didn't joke, just a little, I wouldn't be able to face it—face him."

"If you need to take a break, you know you can—"

"I shouldn't," she cut me off, not meeting my eyes.

"What aren't you tellin' me, Carmen?" My stomach started to churn and cramp as I feared the worst. "Come on, just like when I was a kid. Like a band-aid, remember?" I tensed my jaw on reflex, steadying myself for the coming news.

"Doc Garrett says he doesn't have much time."

And just like that, she ripped the air from my lungs. I ran my hands over my face, replaying her words over in my head.

"Nothing needs to change, Edward. He wouldn't want anything to be different." She reached over and squeezed my arm.

"How can it not be?" I implored.

"Because _he_ doesn't know any different." Carmen smiled sadly, tilting her head. "He still smiles when he gets up in the morning. He believes he sits with your grandma during the day, and in his head, he still gets to see his son as well as his grandson." I stared up at the ceiling and wiped at my eyes before the tears fell. It didn't seem right. Aro was the only family I had left.

"Still, I should have been here, come by more often," I said regretfully.

"You shouldn't feel guilty, twice a week is plenty. We both know he doesn't remember how often you're here anyway. Don't change your life for this now, Edward. I won't let you. Your grandfather would hate it."

Carmen was right. Aro would despise knowing that I was doing nothing but sitting by his side waiting for the inevitable to happen, but it was just a few months.

"I should—"

"I won't have it," she argued, interrupting me. "You've entrusted me to know what's good for Aro, and you sitting here, wallowing in grief before he's even gone, is not going to do your grandfather any good, Edward Masen."

I laughed. "You sound so much like my momma used to when you scold me like that." I stood up and kissed her forehead. "Thank you." Carmen always had a way of putting things in perspective.

"I'm not old enough to be your momma," she grumbled, walking over to the sink and rinsing out our glasses. "And you're welcome."

I smiled as I walked back into the sunroom and sat down next to Aro. For the next hour, I read aloud from his worn copy of _Tom Sawyer_, his eyes staring unfocused out at the trees in the yard and his smile never faltering. I took a moment to study his profile. He almost looked like the same man I'd watched growing up. The lines on his forehead were a little deeper, his hair had whitened with age, his lips had become thinner, and his nose seemed more pronounced as his cheeks had hollowed.

Time had evaded us all, but it had stolen something richer from my grandfather.

I continued to read until the familiar sound of Aro's heavy breathing and sleepy murmurs reached my ears.

"Sleep well, old man," I whispered, closing the book and placing it on the end table, kissing his forehead again before I left.

Carmen was standing out on the porch, holding her face up to the sun, enjoying the heat. "He asleep?" she asked without opening her eyes.

"Yeah."

"See you Monday?"

"Not sure what day it'll be yet—next week looks busy. But I'll be here," I assured her.

"Good," she said, a self-assured grin across her face, satisfied no doubt that my world was still going to spin despite her news about Aro. "See you then."

"Not so fast," I laughed, taking the steps back down to my truck. "I'm comin' back up to fix that damned step."

"Leave it," she called back, waving her hand dismissively.

"Like that's gonna happen." I grabbed what I needed out of my tool box and ran back up, taking the steps two at a time. "Come on, get outta the way," I teased, and she laughed as she relented, letting me get to work.

~oOo~

"Come on, Edward, it's the weekend," Alice griped. "Lose the serious, pensive face."

"Ally," Emmett warned in a low voice. He knew I'd been to see Aro.

"Nah, it's okay, Em. She's right." I shielded my eyes from the sun and squinted at Alice from across the water. "Sorry, Alice. It's just kinda been a long week."

"All the more reason to kick back and watch the world go by." She dipped her arm into the lake and flicked her hand in my direction, splashing water everywhere.

"Hey!" Bella yelled. "That got me, Alice." The two girls bickered playfully back and forth as Emmett and I continued to row our boats further out onto the lake.

Bella reclined back into the stern, lifting her legs and resting her feet carefully on the bench between my thighs. I watched as she wiggled her toes, letting my eyes follow the line of her bare legs. She looked happy as her fingers grazed the surface of the lake—far happier than the last time the two of us had made the same journey in the small boat.

"You two be careful with my girls," Charlie yelled from the bow of the _Bella-Marie_ as he set up his fishing gear.

"Just you be careful with my wife, Chief," Emmett shouted back, cupping his hands over his mouth and wedging the oars to the side of the boat with his knees, rocking it in the process. Bella laughed as Alice's eyes opened wide in momentary terror, before chiding her brother. She hated being stuck in the boat with Emmett, but Jasper was sifting through receipts from the bar, ready for an appointment with his accountant on Monday, while Rosalie graded papers. Both were keeping Charlie company up on his boat.

It was the first time we'd all been out on the lake since Bella's return, and although we'd usually all be on the _Bella-Marie_, Alice and Bella had wanted to go out in the smaller row boats. We all knew Emmett would do just about anything to keep Alice happy, and for some reason, I had felt compelled to do the same for Bella.

I kept an easy pace through the water, taking my time. We weren't in any rush; we had all day.

"I love this," Bella said, closing her eyes, and lifting her arms up, tucking them behind her head. I watched as her top rode up, resting just above the button on her shorts. Her sun-browned, honeyed skin looked perfectly soft, and I watched, lost in the motion of her stomach rising and falling with each breath she took.

"Edward?" Bella laughed as my eyes snapped to hers. "Are you even listening?" she asked, amusement coloring her tone.

"Sorry I was miles away," I replied, hoping that my staring had gone unnoticed.

"I said, do you want to talk about it?"

Did I? Although Emmett may have known about my day at Aro's on Wednesday, he didn't know about the changes in his health. It would be nice to talk to someone impartial, someone like Bella, who didn't have the same familiar, current connection to Aro as the others did. But I knew that Bella was dealing with her own issues—she didn't need to hear about mine to boot.

She was looking at me expectantly, and I considered telling her for a moment before shaking my head.

"Sure, I understand." Bella sat up, shifting to straddle her bench and stare out at Alice and Emmett. "It's personal and we're not…" she trailed off, waving her hand between us.

"We're not what?" I asked, lifting the oars and allowing the boat to ghost through the water so I could focus on Bella.

"Well, you know," she mumbled, avoiding looking at me. "I just thought…" Bella shrugged and her bare shoulders dropped in defeat. I watched as the string tie from her top swayed between her shoulder blades and the sun shimmered off her lightly oiled back.

I didn't _know_, but I was pretty sure I could guess what she meant.

"Bella…" I wasn't sure exactly what to say.

"Two weeks ago," she hesitated, casting a brief, unsure glance in my direction before looking back out at Emmett and Alice, "someone told me you still have your friends. They led me to believe that when times are hard they can catch you, or at least provide an ear or a shoulder for support."

I swallowed thickly, remembering our conversation in front of the fireflies on Charlie's porch.

The boat rocked as Bella slipped off her sandals and lifted her legs over the side, letting her toes dip in the water. I lowered the oars, providing a little extra balance, and saw a smile spread slowly across her face in appreciation as she closed her eyes.

"I know we're not—" she stopped abruptly and sighed. "Not like Emmett or Jasper, or even Rose, but I can listen, Edward. Maybe it'll help a little," she offered.

"Bella, it's not that," I rushed to explain. "Of course we are." I could hear the doubt in her voice, could hear her questioning her self-worth again. All I was trying to do was keep her from having to deal with any more problems, and instead I was making things worse. "I know you're already dealing with—" I stopped as she inhaled sharply.

"Please? It's selfish, I know, but it'd be refreshing to think about something else for a change." The optimism in her voice was unbearable. Although I couldn't argue with her logic, my grandfather was dying; there was no way _that_ news would be 'refreshing'—even with the emotional turmoil Bella had been through in the last few months.

I sighed. Maybe we could both be a little selfish today.

"Do you remember Aro?"

Bella nodded, leaning forward on her legs and wrapping her arms under her thighs. I shifted my body backward, counterbalancing my weight to hers, allowing the small boat to rock and dip in harmony. Being with Bella was becoming so easy. Her deep brown eyes pooled like warm maple syrup as she watched me intently, and the gentle wind blowing across the surface of the lake stirred the loose hair around her face.

She was no longer the girl I'd teased and taunted in school. The Bella sitting here in our boat—broken and fighting to find herself—harbored a vulnerable sweetness that I was slowly becoming enamored by.

"He's sick," I said, watching as she bit her lip in trepidation. Needing to focus on something else while I spoke, I sank the oars beneath the glassy reflection of the lake and indicated to Bella that I was going to start moving us. She unfolded her body, leaving her legs over the side, but reaching back and gripping the edge of the boat behind her.

"Sick?" she murmured before lapsing into quiet contemplation. I let Bella have a moment, trying to decide how much I was going to tell her. She was no stranger to sickness herself, and the last thing I wanted was to dredge up heartbreaking memories from her own past. I knew it was hard for Charlie; it would be no different for her.

"How sick is he?" Bella asked, squinting at me as I turned the boat through the water and the sun hit her face.

"Sorry," I said, quickly trying to maneuver us so the sun was to the side.

"It's fine," she replied quietly. "I like the warmth." But as she spoke, her voice was flat and filtered with the sorrow I was hoping to avoid. There was no warmth there, only the absence of it.

"Maybe we should talk about something else," I hedged. I wasn't _so_ selfish that I would deliberately force her to suffer. I could see the shift in Bella's demeanor as her shoulders become stiff and her jaw set in determination. She was going to be stubborn, just like I knew her father could be.

"Are we friends or not?" she said curtly.

"Bella." Her name sounded faint, and I shook my head as I laughed quietly. I was right, and just like Charlie, there was no beating around the bush. "I already said we are."

"Okay then." She nodded her head, happy with my answer, and obviously happier knowing that she would finally get hers. "So, how sick is he?" she repeated.

That was all it took and I didn't hold back. I told Bella everything that had happened over the last eight years since Aro's official diagnosis. The difficulties I'd faced during my senior year, my decision to stay in Masen and work as an apprentice instead of going off to college, and the continual strain of not knowing what to expect whenever I was with my grandfather.

Bella listened quietly, allowing me to share my burden without interruption. Still holding onto the oars, but leaning forward—my elbows digging into my knees—I explained how, for a long and weary time, Aro's health had balanced on a knife's edge, and from one day to the next, the people around him never knew how much he would remember of his own life.

It was with a sense of unease that I finally revealed what I had learned earlier in the week. That death had a plan for my grandfather, and he wouldn't be with us much longer.

I allowed the stillness of the lake to settle over us; only Emmett and Alice's tomfoolery filtered through the air. It was Bella who spoke first, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"Edward." Her voice was pained. "All this time?" She struggled with what she was trying to say. "You've kept this to yourself all this time?"

I leaned back, pulling the oars slowly through the water as I moved, turning my head to focus on their movement. Had I? Not really. Everyone in town knew Aro wasn't well, and Charlie had been more than supportive, in his own way, given his own memories. But at the same time, I always went to see my grandfather alone. The journey down the long drive was always lonely, knowing what awaited me at the end of it.

"In a way, I guess," I reasoned. "But he's my family, and I'm all he has." I smiled sadly at Bella, knowing that soon enough, he'd be gone, and although I'd still have my friends, a large part of me would be missing.

"That may be true," Bella agreed, "but he's not all _you_ have." My smile widened as she voiced my own thoughts. "I could go with you."

"Huh?" I faltered for a moment, almost losing the oars. I wasn't sure I'd heard her right.

"To see your grandfather. You know, so you aren't alone?" she offered, her warm eyes sparkling as the sun's rays reflected off the lake's surface.

"I'd really like that," I said sincerely, meeting her eyes. "Thank you."

She afforded me a smile so radiant that it made my own face hurt as I smiled in return. It wasn't that Rose and Alice hadn't offered before; but there was something about the way Bella had asked, leaving herself open and exposed, and I wasn't about to reject her.

"Great, just let me know when," she enthused. "I can't wait to say hi." Bella relaxed back into the boat again, and the anxiety and pain I'd felt earlier evaporated swiftly as she began humming a tune I didn't recognize.

I rowed us closer to Emmett and Alice, their bickering getting louder as we approached.

"I ain't sittin' in here with you any longer," Emmett goaded his sister.

"You sit your ass back down, Emmett McCarty!" Alice glowered at him as he stood up, rocking the boat he was in.

"Don't you tell me what to do, woman!" he gibed back as he began to straddle the two row boats.

Bella shrieked, trying to sit upright, but not quite quickly enough to unhook her legs from the side of the boat. "Don't you dare! Get your foot out, Emmett. You're gonna tip us both!"

"Come on man, she's right," I tried to reason, doing my best to steady Bella's and my boat with our oars.

"Shut up, dude, you're bein' such a girl," Emmett quibbled as he wobbled with his arms outstretched.

As Emmett shifted his weight from one foot to the other, Bella attempted to shuffle backward to make some room. At the same time, Alice also moved, trying to stop her own boat from spinning away from ours, while Emmett lunged desperately for the side closest to me, his foot catching on the boat he was trying to exit.

"What the hell are you boys doin'?" Charlie's voice rang out across the lake amid shrieks and guffaws. But it was too late, the damage was done.

Emmett hit the water first, followed by his sister, and I watched helplessly while Bella slid of her bench and into the water behind Alice, as both boats tipped, taking on water. I heard Charlie laughing from his anchored position a few yards away, and I pulled the oars into the safety of the boat before reaching out a hand to haul Bella back into the craft.

"That better not be a smile on your face, Masen," she spluttered, treading water, and glaring at me.

"Wouldn't dream of it," I replied, covering my mouth with my free hand to hide my smirk. Before I could stop him, Emmett reached for my extended arm and yanked me from the boat, submerging me a few feet from Bella. "You happy now?" I asked with a grin, as I came up for air.

"I'd be happier if I was dressed for it, but the water's nice and cool." She smiled playfully, splashing me as she spoke. I splashed her back, enjoying the fact that Bella was smiling more and more frequently, and for the next twenty minutes the four of us soaked each other in our attempts to get back into our boats.

"I can't," Alice finally gasped. "My arms…too weak…" she trailed off, pulling herself up awkwardly into Bella's and my boat.

"Ally, that's the wrong boat," Bella said, swimming over to her.

"No way," Alice replied, lounging back on the bench, draping an exaggerated arm over her forehead in mock exhaustion. "You row back with him. I've had enough," she laughed.

"Come on, Baby Bell," Emmett whooped, pushing me under the water in an effort to get to Bella. By the time I resurfaced, Emmett had his arm hooked around Bella's waist and was swimming an awkward one armed backstroke to his own boat.

"Emmett!" Bella laughed. "Let me go." Her wriggling was useless, and as Emmett lifted Bella into the boat, without effort, Alice offered me her hand. I smiled, and raised an eyebrow, mockingly questioning the futility of her gesture, as she shrugged and withdraw her arm.

"Thanks anyway," I said as I drew myself out of the water. Charlie signaled that he was heading back to the dock, and I waved back, showing we would follow.

Alice and I sat in a comfortable silence, and it wasn't long before the sun began to dry the beads of water off our skin. Bella's laughter sounded from the short distance between us and Alice smiled.

"She's so different," Alice marveled. "It's like she never left, but at the same time, she's grown so much. But you've already noticed that, haven't you Eddie?" I _did_ know what she meant, though there was a teasing tone to her voice that I didn't quite understand.

"Bella does seem happier, though, you'd know that better than anyone." After all, Alice and Bella had been friends since they were little.

"You looked like you had a pretty good idea last weekend." Alice picked at the hem of her shorts, a little too casually.

"Last weekend?" I asked, not sure what she was getting at.

"The ferris wheel, Edward," she said, almost sounding frustrated, and I laughed.

"She was terrified, Alice, that's all," I reasoned.

"That's not what it looked like from my car," she teased. I pulled back hard on the oars, satisfied with the way our boat coasted through the water swiftly. My eyes sought out Bella, as my mind cast back to the events of the town fair a week ago.

Her panic and the way she rambled, spilling her secrets—and Alice's. Her plea for a distraction and the feel of her hair under my hand. The need I felt to protect her and soothe her fears. The way her eyes searched mine and the warmth of her breath on my jaw.

Those were the things I had a good idea about, I just didn't know why I was only noticing them now.

I felt my forehead pinch as I thought about what it might mean. Bella was unavailable to me. Even though she was separated, she was still married on paper, and emotionally she was still healing. Alice's laughter drew my attention back to her.

"Oh, Eddie," she sighed. "Don't hurt yourself. I see you thinking hard over there; just let what happens, happen." She laughed again sweetly, though obviously at my expense. Changing the subject, I looked back across at Emmett.

"What did you say to get him all riled up, anyway?"

"Jasper and I were playin' pool late at the bar last night," she said, averting my eyes.

"And…?" I probed.

"Let's just say, Emmett's probably gonna think twice before rackin' 'em up next time." At least she had the good grace to wince.

~oOo~

Before we'd left the lake, Jasper had gotten a call to say that he'd be short at the bar tonight. I knew Whitlock's inside and out and I'd offered to help without a second thought. I usually pitched in when it was busy anyway, so with the live band playing tonight, I'd probably end up behind the bar at some point.

I'd been right, it was busy. For the first hour after the doors opened, the bar was stacked two deep, helped by the fact that people had driven from Kimble and Gillespie Counties for the band.

Emmett had brought the girls, and Jasper had reserved the big booth near the bar for them. It hadn't escaped my attention that Emmett was staying clear of the pool tables.

"Hey, Eddie, I'm outta bourbon. Can you cover me while I run down to the cellar?" Lottie shouted over the music from her end of the bar.

"Sure thing." I winked over my shoulder, as she slipped through the door, and turned back to continue mixing drinks for the group at the bar. Lottie—Charlotte Milton—had worked at Whitlock's for a little over a year. She was new to town, growing up in Austin, and her father owned a chain of bars and restaurants, but she didn't want success based on nepotism. Lottie was happy to work her way from the bottom to the top, and that's exactly what she was doing.

She was easy on the eyes, with legs as far as you could see, thick blonde hair that hung in waves down her back, and sun kissed skin. But Lottie tolerated none of the usual teasing from the regulars, holding her own and taking it all in her stride. She kept the customers happy, the glasses full, and her register balanced at the end of the night. She was good for business, and Jasper knew it.

"You seen Lottie?" Jasper yelled as he rounded the bar.

"Cellar," I called back. Just as Jasper opened the door, Lottie reappeared carrying two bottles of bourbon and a bottle of gin.

"Hey, boss." She smiled at Jasper as she stowed the bottles with the others behind the bar.

"How you doin', darlin'?" Jasper drawled. He knew as well as I did that Lottie was doing just fine, but with the bar full of more than just his regulars, he liked to keep a check on things.

"You worry too much, Jas. You're startin' to sound just like my daddy," Lottie teased, and I laughed as Jasper grimaced.

"Thanks, I just don't hear that often enough," he deadpanned.

"Right, so get out from under my feet." Lottie swatted him on the ass as she ushered him toward the booth that held Alice and the others. For the next forty minutes we worked together, getting through the patrons lining the bar. I poured liquor while she collected empties, then while she filled the ice buckets, I wiped down the bar and swept up the broken glass by the pool tables.

The band was good, putting their own twist on some country classics and covering newer and alternative tracks too. I watched as Alice and Rose pulled Bella up to dance, the three of them twirling and twisting through the crowd and kicking up their heels to the music. Bella's head fell back as she laughed and Rose pulled her forward before spinning her back out toward Alice. I lost them in the crowd but knew they were having a good time.

Checking the clock, I saw that Lottie and I only had twenty-five more minutes before Peter and Claire arrived. Jasper had pulled them from their usual midweek shift to help out tonight. Not that it would make a difference to Lottie—she'd just sit at the end of the bar and watch Peter all night anyway, waiting for the day he pulled his head out of his ass and asked her out. She wasn't for being manhandled but she was nothing if not traditional.

"Gimme a beer, and a shot of anything from the back."

"Burton," I acknowledged my old classmate as he slumped down onto a stool at the bar. "Always a pleasure," I murmured under my breath.

"Just get me my damn drinks, Masen, don't be smart," he bit back. I pulled a longneck from the fridge and twisted the cap off before putting it down in front of him. Grabbing a glass, I poured a shot of whiskey and slid it next to his bottle. He handed me a twenty and I turned to get his change.

"Hey, Edward!" Bella's voice called out over the sound of the music, and I smiled before turning around, handing Burton his money. "You nearly done?" she questioned as my eyes met hers.

"Gimme about twenty minutes," I replied, grabbing another longneck from the fridge and passing it to her.

"Keep 'em comin', Masen," Burton ordered as he raised his bottle to his mouth. Bella glared at him and then glanced back at me.

"Swan." He nodded in her direction, leering at her from head to toe, and I felt my face twist into a scowl.

"Burton," Bella mocked as she rolled her eyes in my direction. I laughed, loving the fact that she wasn't intimidated by him.

"I see you're here all by yourself tonight," he sneered, downing his shot.

"Nope. I'm here with Edward," Bella smile at me and winked, "and the rest of my friends. You on the other hand, _are_ here alone," she said, pointedly sweeping her hand out in front of her before taking a long pull from her bottle. "No Lauren tonight?"

"Someone's gotta stay at home with the kids," he deadpanned. It was no secret that he had only married Lauren because he'd knocked her up. "But you wouldn't know anything about that now, would you?" Bella's smile faltered, and I could see he'd hit a nerve. Jacob's broken promise sprung to mind, and I knew it would be brought to the surface of Bella's.

"Back off, James." I glowered at him, and grabbed two more beers, handing them off to Bella. "Why don't you take these to Emmett and Jas?" I asked gently over the din of the bar, brushing the back of her hand as I did.

"Sure," she said with a thankful smile, licking her lips before disappearing from view.

"Fuck, Masen. Is Black's side of the bed even cold yet?" James goaded, chugging his beer back, making me want to shove the bottle right down his throat.

"What did you say?" I dared him to repeat it.

"Is she still nice and tight? Christ, after twins, Lauren just don't feel like she used to, know what I mean?" He motioned with his hands and his hips, and I felt my blood boil at the crude way he spoke about both women.

"Get the hell outta my bar, Burton!" Jasper's voice sounded over the music as he appeared behind James. "I mean it. Right now." Emmett pushed through the crowd and, grabbing James' elbow, began to maneuver him toward the door.

Jasper leaned over the bar, staring at me intently. "You okay, man?" I nodded, taking a deep breath. "That can't have been easy to hear."

"Not especially. I now know more about Lauren than I ever needed, or wanted, to know." I exaggerated a shudder through my body to emphasize my point.

"That's not exactly what I meant," Jasper said as he raised an eyebrow at me.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I didn't think so, but you heard it too, right? So, what's the difference?"

"Seriously? Are you that oblivious?" Jasper swept a hand through his hair as he shook his head at me.

"What?" I shrugged my shoulders and raised my hands, really not having any idea what he was talking about.

"Whatever you say, man."

No sooner had Jasper joined Alice on the dance floor—causing Emmett to head for the sanctity of the booth—Rose appeared at the bar.

"Don't think I don't see you watching her, Edward." She smiled at me before her eyes drifted back across the dance floor.

"I don't know what you're talkin' about, Rose. Watchin' who?"

_What was up with people tonight?_

"Bella. Who else?"

"I promised Charlie, that's all." _I had right?_ I cast my mind all the way back to when I had first seen Bella rocking up on her balcony. Yeah, I was pretty sure that during that time I _must_ have given Charlie _some_ indication that I would look out for her. "Yeah, I'm just lookin' out for her," I reaffirmed aloud.

"Uh huh, sure," she replied, dragging out the words before she drained the last of her beer. She placed the bottle on the bar and I cleared her empty. "But you know what's funny?" she asked, trying not to smirk.

"No," I sighed. "But I'm sure you're just dyin' to tell me." I shook my head and laughed, waiting to hear what she had to say.

"You didn't seem so intent on 'looking out for her' until last weekend." Impressively, she winked _and_ hitched an eyebrow at me before slipping through the crowd, heading back to Emmett and leaving me even more baffled. Why couldn't any of them just say what they meant?

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A/N: Thanks for reading. I'll tweet with any updates or links, but in the meantime, teasers in the usual places this week and extras on my blog.

**Mojo Music: Perfect Day by Lady Antebellum; Heartache Tonight by Michael Bublé; Save A Horse Ride A Cowboy by Big & Rich**


	10. Moments Lost

**A/N: Thanks to miztrezboo and annanabanana, who both had a sniffle while working through this chapter.**

**Chapter Music: Hello World by Lady Antebellum **

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**Chapter 10: Moments Lost**

**:: Bella ::**

"He's pretty bad," Edward warned as we made our way down the winding driveway in his truck.

"It's fine, Edward. You aren't going to scare me off." I turned from the window to look at him and saw that his brow was pinched in contemplation.

"I just don't want you to feel obligated, that's all."

"And why would I feel obligated?" I asked, more than a little confused. Edward glanced over at me, his expression softening and the lines on his forehead disappearing, but I couldn't read the look on his face. "From what I remember of the few times we met, your grandfather is a sweet and funny man. You know, charming and playful, humble and welcoming. I always liked the fact that even as a recognized figure in town he seemed to have time for people." I laughed. "He sort of reminds me of Charlie, actually."

"Of Charlie, huh?" His voice held a hidden meaning and suddenly his previous comment made sense.

"Edward," I started, reaching across the seat for him before changing my mind and pulling my hand back to my lap. "I appreciate what you did for Charlie—what you all did—while I was away, more than I can ever say. But I didn't offer to come with you today just because of that."

"You didn't?"

"Of course not." This time I forced myself to reach across the cab and brush Edward's hand. "I'm here because I want to be, because we're friends." His breath stuttered and his hands tightened on the wheel.

"Honestly?" he murmured with a wistfully boyish optimism.

"I hope so." At least, that's what he'd said on the lake.

"Me too." Edward laughed gently through his nose, easing the atmosphere that had built in the small space. Putting the truck into park, we both got out and headed up to the house.

"Edward." A blonde woman greeted him at the door with a grin. "I see you brought a friend." Her tone was suggestive, and her arched brow was playful and teasing. I covered my smile with my hand, choosing to focus on the swing at the end of the porch for a moment.

"Don't start, Carmen. You know who Bella is."

Of course she did. Retired or not, there was no one in town who didn't know who the police Chief's daughter was.

"I think I'd remember meeting _this_ friend, sunshine." Carmen's teasing continued, and I laughed as she winked at me. Edward sighed.

"_Sunshine_?" I whispered, quirking an eyebrow at him. Edward cocked his head, staring down at me, a cheeky glint dancing in his narrowed green eyes. A giggle escaped my lips and he huffed his retort.

"Carmen, this is Bella Swan, the Chief's daughter." Edward stared at the woman pointedly, and her eyes widened as sudden mock recognition dawned across her face. "Very funny," he mumbled, turning to look back at me. "And this is Carmen. A dear family friend, and my grandfather's live-in nurse."

"Hi," I said, extending my hand. Carmen slid her hand into mine, squeezing gently before releasing it with a smile.

"Nice to finally meet you. Charlie speaks highly of you, so does Emmett," she enthused.

I felt my cheeks heat, discovering that people really didn't have anything better to talk about as they sat and ate pie in the only diner for miles.

"Thanks," I murmured.

Carmen smiled again before turning back to Edward, her face becoming somber. "The lawyer stopped by; he brought the new draft for you to look at."

"Let me say hey first, okay?"

"Sure thing," Carmen replied, stepping out of the doorway. Edward reached for my hand and pulled me into the house behind him.

We didn't linger in the foyer, instead walking straight into the sunroom.

"Hey, grandpa. I brought someone to see you."

"Edward?" Aro sounded a little confused as Edward released my hand, leaving me at the door, and squatted down in front of his grandfather.

"Yeah, it's me," Edward said with a smile. "How've you been?"

"Busy. Your grandmother's been planting her favorites around the garden again."

I watched as Edward's shoulders sank and he released a heavy breath.

"It's always like this," Carmen whispered as she stood next to me.

"Pardon me?" I asked, not expecting her to be standing so close.

"Aro," she nodded her head toward him. "He can have lucid hours, sometimes even days, but it usually only lasts for moments at a time. It cripples Edward. He hides it well, but I know. He can't hide it from me."

"It must be hard for him," I whispered back, watching Edward interact with his grandfather. Before she could say anything, Aro's voice rang out through the room.

"I see you brought Renee Swan." The words felt like a knife twisting in my stomach, despite Aro's warm smile, and I fought to keep my tears at bay. I leaned against the wall, desperate for the support, and I barely felt Carmen's hand on my arm as she reached for me.

"Bella, I'm sorry," Edward began, his voice giving way to his panic and obvious concern. "He didn't mean—"

"It's fine, Edward," I waved him off, keeping my voice low so as not to upset his grandfather. "I just wasn't expecting it, that's all."

"Can I get you anything?" Carmen asked, her eyes flitting from me to Edward and back again.

"No, thank you. I think I'm going to get some air." I offered Edward a weak smile before slipping out of the room and onto the porch.

Breathing deeply though my nose, I tried not to think about my mother's face the last time I saw her, focusing instead on the smell of freshly cut grass and wisteria. The morning breeze felt cool on my face and dried my tears before they fell.

"You okay?" Like a healing balm, Edward's voice began to sooth the deep ache creeping through my body. I smiled and nodded, turning toward him and crossing my arms over my chest. "I'm sorry. I should have warned you that he's sometimes stuck so far in the past."

"Let's not, please?" I didn't want to rehash what had happened. I understood, but that didn't mean that I was eager to discuss it.

"Sure," he said softly, brushing my hair off the side of my face.

Movement behind Edward caught my eye and I saw Carmen wheeling Aro out of the house.

"Aro wanted to spend some time in the yard. He said your grandma spent all morning out there, and it was only right that he took the time to appreciate her hard work." Aro smiled serenely as Carmen spoke.

"That'd be nice, grandpa. I'm sure she'd love that," Edward said, placating his grandfather. I silently wondered how often he had to do that at the expense of his own heartache.

Carmen pushed Aro to the end of the porch as Edward led me toward the steps. I turned my head, trying to see where Carmen was taking him.

"Where are they going?"

"About three years ago I built an elevator system of sorts into the end of the porch. It's a little crude and works on a motorized pulley but at least he's not totally house bound." Edward dragged his hand through his hair sheepishly, as if embarrassed by his revelation.

"Seriously? You built that?" I pointed as I watched Carmen descend with Aro. "Edward," I said, my voice full of awe, "that's totally great." I had no idea that his skills extended so far.

Walking down the steps and into the yard with Edward, I briefly wondered what he was still doing in a small town in the middle of nowhere. It only took a moment for me to realize that his reason was now making its way across the lawn toward us.

"It's not a big deal," Edward replied humbly. At his discomfort, I dropped the subject, paying him the same courtesy he had paid me earlier.

Carmen stopped a couple of feet away, pausing to ensure that Aro's blanket was tucked securely around his hips. "So who's taking this old man for a walk?"

I smiled, watching as Aro became captivated by two hummingbirds playing in the flowers. In the midst of my overwrought emotions, his expression carried a childlike innocence that drew me in and warmed my fragile heart.

"I'll take him." The words slipped easily out of my mouth. "You have paperwork in the house, right?" I asked Edward. He nodded slowly, looking at Aro and then back at me, his brow creasing with uncertainty. I touched his forearm, trying to provide a little reassurance. Edward's muscles twitched under the skin and his arm tensed before relaxing again, and I ran my thumb across the back of his wrist in an effort to subdue him further.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course she's sure, sunshine," Carmen interjected. "She doesn't need to be coddled." Carmen winked at me while Edward rolled his eyes, and I dropped my arm back to my side.

"Is that okay with you Mr. Masen?" I asked, stepping forward.

"That would be just lovely," he replied. "Though do call me Aro. Mr. Masen sounds awfully formal and stuffy." He pulled a face and stuck out his tongue. "You can tell me all about that husband and daughter of yours, my dear," he said, smiling.

Edward grimaced, clearly sorry for Aro's mistake, and opened his mouth as if to correct his grandfather. But I was ready for it this time, so I shook my head minutely and smiled. I knew it was said without malice; besides it had been a while since I'd had the opportunity to talk about Renee.

"Charlie's fine, Aro," I said, acting the part of my mother. "He's busy looking after Bella today. You know, he just doesn't get the chance to spend enough time with her, what with his long hours at the station." I moved to wheel Aro across the yard, glancing once more in Edward's direction before turning my back on him. A grateful smile lingered on his lips as he mouthed the words 'thank you'.

As we walked through the garden, I could vaguely remember summer barbeques held on the estate as a child; most of the town would be in attendance. Thousands of tiny white lights would be strung through the trees, winding around trunks and branches. Everyone knew the Masens. The town had been founded by Edward's ancestors, and his entire family line had lived on the estate that Aro now called home, at one time or another.

The parties had stopped after Edward's grandma died. Mom had always said that after the death of, first his son, and then his wife, Aro had been too devastated to continue the tradition.

"That husband of yours works too hard." Aro's voice broke through my moment of reminiscence.

"Yes. Yes, he does," I lamented. I knew that in all the time my parents had been married, the time that Charlie had spent away from his family was one of his few regrets.

I pushed Aro slowly through the wildflowers growing in the garden, his hand reaching out tentatively to brush against the blues and yellows of the summer blooms.

"How's Bella coming along? Last I heard she was starting ballet." He chuckled under his breath and I stupidly found myself pouting at the humor he found in the situation. Relieved that he couldn't see my face, I replied quickly.

"She's doing just great." I tried to stall, buying myself some time while I thought about the sorts of things a proud parent might say about their child, but came up with nothing. "As for the ballet," I said, scrunching up my face and pursing my lips. "Well, the ballet lasted three weeks."

Aro laughed outright this time. "Didn't work out, huh?"

Smiling to myself, I remembered sulking in my room when I hadn't been able to perfect the arabesque my second lesson in. "Something like that."

A bench nestled under a pergola caught my eye, its covering vines and flowers blowing wild in the mild breeze. I steered us toward it, knowing that the bench would still afford us a beautiful view of the garden and the birds playing in it.

"Bougainvillea. They were my wife's favorite." Aro's voice was quiet but clear as he fingered the red and orange petals. Talking about his wife in the past tense was so significant that, for a moment, it took my breath away. I sat on the edge of the bench, trying to decide if it was best to run and get Edward.

"Mr. Masen?" I asked gently, trying not to scare him.

"Yes. And you are?" Aro asked comfortably, a curious smile turning the edge of his lips.

"I'm Bella, Mr. Masen. Bella Swan, Renee's daughter," I prompted.

"Little Bella?" he asked, obviously shocked.

"Yes, that's right," I smiled at him, hoping to provide some reassurance.

"Oh, my sweet girl. You're so grown up," he said sadly. "What else have I missed? I seem to keep losing track of people. You all seem to change so much," he murmured absently, his forehead pinched as though he were trying to recall a lost memory.

"What do you remember?" I asked, not wanting to overwhelm him, dubious about taxing him any more than necessary. I had no idea how long this moment of lucidity would last.

"I remember Anthony, and my dear, dear Sophia." Tears slid down his face as he relived their deaths. Muffled sobs escaped his throat, and I struggled with my own tears as I wondered how many times he had grieved for them like this.

"Should I get Edward?" I offered, but Aro shook his head.

"I remember Edward, too," he said, clearing his throat softly. "He reads to me you know." Aro scattered some of the blossoms across the blanket draped over his lap, pushing the petals over the cashmere with his fingertips. "How much have I missed?"

I hesitated, not sure if I should tell him. "He'll be twenty-six..." I trailed off, seeing the horrified look on Aro's face.

"All that time." He sounded winded, as if I had just punched him firmly in the stomach. "It's wasted."

"Edward's a good man," I assured him. Despite Edward's behavior in high school, I couldn't fault him for his recent actions. He had more than proven himself to Charlie, and I had no reason to doubt what I had seen since my return. The very fact that he had remained here in Masen with his family was a testament to the sort of man Edward had become.

"Tell me about his life."

"I don't really know anything," I said apologetically. "I should really get Edward. He'd want to talk to you."

A bittersweetness dulled Aro's eyes and when he spoke, his words tore at my heart. "I would love nothing more than to speak to my grandson, but I may not be here when you bring him back." He pulled a flower from the vine and brought it to his nose, inhaling its scent. I knew that Edward wouldn't want to miss this opportunity, but at the same time, a part of me knew that Aro needed it more. He had been without for longer.

"Okay." I took a shaky breath. "What do you want to know?"

"What does he do? Does he have a family? Do I have any more grandchildren? What are his friends like?" he enthused, and a watery laugh bubbled out through my lips.

"As far as I know, Edward is quite talented with his hands." I felt my blush rise over my neck and cheeks as Aro arched his eyebrows at me. "He's the town's handyman," I said hurriedly, hoping that I had given the right title for what it was Edward actually did.

"I see," Aro mused, enjoying my discomfort. He always had been more laid back than the other grandparents I'd known—able to see the funny side of a situation, never taking things too seriously.

"He made the elevator on your porch."

Aro cast his eyes back up toward the house and his eyes lingered there for a while as he sat in silence, absorbing what I had shared so far.

"Edward's friends are good and honest, all hard working, right here in town," I said reverently. "You don't have any more grandchildren, and I don't think Edward's seeing anyone right now." I bit my lip momentarily. I hadn't seen him with anyone, and he hadn't mentioned anyone special, but I probably shouldn't assume... "Well, not that I know of. Edward really would be the best person for this conversation, Mr. Masen."

"Call me Aro," he said, for the second time since I'd arrived, though this time at least he knew he was talking to me. "Twenty-six and no girl, eh?" He moved his jaw as if he were chewing over what I had said.

"I'm sure he'll get around to it," I replied, almost certain that if Edward wasn't seeing someone, his commitment to his grandfather was, in part, the reason for it.

"Mmhmm," Aro murmured distractedly, before turning his attention back to me. "And what of you Bella Swan? How has life treated you?" I shifted my eyes from his, focusing instead on the honeybee collecting nectar from the surrounding blossoms. "Not so well then, my dear?"

I had managed, over the last few days, to go without spending any real time wasting my thoughts or energy on Jacob. I didn't really want to monopolize whatever precious few moments this sweet man had talking about him now.

"I'm finding my way back," I evaded, dropping my eyes to my lap. "With Charlie's help."

"And Edward? Is he helping?" Aro asked. I couldn't fight the smile that spread over my face as I tucked an unruly strand of hair back behind my ear.

"They all are," I replied honestly. "I forgot how comforting being home can be."

The light in Aro's maple colored eyes flickered for a moment, and I held my breath, unsure of how much longer he would really be here.

"Edward needs to find someone. I need to know that he won't waste his life." Aro's voice was earnest as he grasped my hands in his. "He can't spend it alone, wasting away like I have. No memories from one day to the next, a family he can barely remember. Promise me, Bella. Promise you'll help him—now and when I'm gone," he implored.

"It's not something I can—" I stopped short as Aro surged forward.

"He needs to find a good girl, someone wholesome and honest. Someone who won't take advantage of his good nature, who won't see his name as a means to an end," Aro continued with barely a pause. "Someone who'll know when to encourage him, but when to give him space, too. He needs that you know—space. Even as a boy he didn't like to be crowded." He squeezed my hands hopefully, waiting for my answer.

"I can try. I will promise you that much," I confirmed sincerely. "I'm not sure how much weight I'll hold when it comes to the kind of girl Edward chooses to spend time with." I hoped my promise wasn't being made in vain.

"Thank you." Aro breathed a sigh of relief and released my hands, relaxing once again in his chair. "Renee was a good mother, Bella, she raised you well. God took her from us all far too soon." It was surreal hearing Aro talk about my mom. Charlie and I rarely spoke of her—I knew that it upset him too much.

I nodded in agreement. "I would give anything to have her back."

"We would all trade something for a treasure lost, my sweet girl." He smiled a sad smile as another tear fell down his cheek. We sat quietly for a moment before I noticed Edward waving from the porch.

"Shall we head back?" I asked.

"That would be lovely, Renee. Now, do tell me about that husband and daughter of yours, my dear."

My tears fell silently as I walked back the way we had come and I listened to Aro hum in the afternoon sun while the butterflies danced above the purple shades of the larkspur.

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A/N: Alzheimer's and dementia are both heartbreaking diseases that affect many families. I've tried to focus on the emotional and personal aspects rather than the medical facts, drawing from my own family's experience with both of these.

**Thank you for reading, teasers will be in the usual places.**


	11. Release

**A/N: Thank you to miztrezboo for her amazing words and to annanabanana for keeping mine right. Thanks also to the people who read each week, and for those who review I am gradually getting through them—thank you for your words.**

**Chapter Music: In the End by Linkin Park**

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Chapter 11: Release

**BPOV**

Steam billowed out into the hallway as I opened the bathroom door. Showered and fresh and wrapped in a towel, I made my way back to my room. With Charlie fishing out on the lake with Edward, I thought about how I should spend my day off from the diner. I smoothed moisturizer over my skin and inhaled deeply, letting the scent of vanilla flood through my senses. I dressed leisurely, pulling on a simple yellow daisy print bra and matching panties before settling on a casual t-shirt and a pair of jeans.

My mind wandered, filling with memories of the time I had spent with Edward. The way his thigh had felt against mine in the ferris wheel car, and the sound of his voice as he had beckoned me closer. The way his eyes had traveled the length of my body on the boat, and the way he had spilled his heart to me about his grandfather. The way his hand had held mine, and the tender way he had brushed my hair off my face at Aro's. Something was changing, a deeper connection was developing, and I wondered if Edward felt it too.

As I began to untangle my hair, the brush slipped from my hand. I watched as it bounced and skittered across the floor before finally coming to rest under my bed.

"Pay attention, Bella," I scolded myself quietly.

Kneeling by the side of the bed, I reached underneath, groping around for the brush, but instead my hand closed around my old memory box. With a sigh, I dragged the box out and shifted on the floor, tucking my legs under my body.

It smelled musty and a thick layer of dust covered the lid. It had been six years since the deep round box had been opened. I lifted the lid with a sense of trepidation, trying to remember what I had left stored in there for so many years.

Edward's voice echoed through my head. _Taking baby steps is how you'll get through it__._

With a deep breath, I tipped the box up in front of me, spilling the contents over the floor. I smiled as I picked up one childhood memory after the other. My first stuffed rabbit, an album of family photographs showing mom's last spring with us, candid shots of me and Charlie fishing on the lake, my ballet ribbon and mom's homemade awards. I placed one item after the other back into the box, not wanting to forget how happy I'd once been.

I refolded my mom's favorite scarf, holding it to my nose and desperately inhaling, hoping her scent still lingered there. It didn't. Snapshots of me and Alice playing dress-up caught my attention, as well as a few from the diner—all of us squashed together in a booth and grinning at the camera. Emmett had always tried to include Alice at school and, by extension, me, almost making it his job to watch out for us. An image of the three of us pulled at my heart—Emmett was standing in the middle with an arm around each of us. _"My two little sisters,"_ he had said as Rose snapped the picture.

After tucking the memories back in the box, only two items remained. _Class of 2004_ was emblazoned in large gold letters across the front of my yearbook, which sat next to a final album: _Bella Swan, Graduating Class of 2004_. I placed the yearbook back in the box and lifted the album. An envelope slipped out from between the photographs, landing in my lap. I took a moment to look over the official portrait shots, in addition to glossy prints of me and Charlie, as the proud father.

Storing the album with the rest, I opened the envelope and immediately felt faint. My morning spent sifting through a lifetime of memories was about to be ruined, but I couldn't stop myself. One photo after the other slipped out of the envelope. Jacob and me at graduation, Jacob with his arms wrapped around me, Jacob kissing my cheek, me laughing at Jacob's side.

Jacob. Jacob. Jacob.

His grinning face taunting me as he beckoned a teenage version of myself into a life he clearly didn't want. I tore every picture in half, but it still didn't make me feel any better. I wanted to slap his smug face.

I forcefully shoved my memory box back under the bed and began picking up the mess in front of me. Within minutes I was rifling through the drawers in the kitchen, looking for what I needed.

"Come on!" I yelled, just as my hand closed around the little book of matches I was searching for. With deliberate steps, I made my way to the back yard, stopping in front of the fire pit and tossing in the memories I couldn't bear to think about. One match was all it took, and I watched with renewed enthusiasm as the photographs blistered and charred, eradicating the happy faces.

The sound of the phone ringing in the house forced me to put the lid back on the pit and extinguish the flames. I tucked the match book in my pocket and ran back into the house.

"Hello?"

"Good afternoon, may I speak with Mrs. Black, please?" The deep voice of Mr. Newton carried down the phone line to me, and I cringed at the reminder that I may still be Jacob's wife.

"Speaking," I said through a grimace.

"Ah, yes, hello, Mrs. Black. I'm calling to inform you that we received the paperwork back from your husband this morning—well, your now ex-husband. Everything seems to be in order, there was no contest to any of your requests; it all went quite smoothly, considering." When I had told Mr. Newton I just planned to leave, he had advised me to be prepared for Jacob to drag things out, to fight for me to come home or at the very least to try and talk me into some form of counseling or reconciliation. He hadn't. I'd not heard from him at all since my arrival in Masen. Jacob had to know where I was, I had nowhere else to go.

"I didn't expect there to be any issues, Mr. Newton, but thank you. And please, call me Bella." I didn't feel comfortable with the formality, especially as I was no longer married.

"My associate Mr. Crowley has organized the documents to change your name back to Swan. They will be finalized later on today." I could hear the inflection of a smile in his voice. Even though I'd had very little interaction with Mr. Newton's firm, he knew that the change back was important to me. "You'll also receive your settlement check within the week," he said, a little pleased with himself. I shuddered at the thought. I didn't want to think about keeping anything associated with Jacob. It was more important for me to move on. But I remembered the hunger in Mr. Newton's voice when we had initially spoken about serving Jacob the papers.

_"What exactly do you want from this divorce, Mrs. Black?" Mr. Newton said, twirling his pen between his fingers._

_"I don't want anything. I just want things to be over as quickly as possible. It's what he wants, and I've never denied him anything." I willed myself not to cry as Mr. Newton stared back at me, his mouth agape in shock._

_"I'm sorry, forgive me, but more often than not, wives try to take their husbands for everything they have."_

_"I'm not certain what clientele you usually work for, Mr. Newton, but I assure you that money is not my motivation here," I said defensively. His back stiffened and he placed his hands on the desk in front of him, peering at me over the top of his glasses._

_"Please don't misunderstand me, Mrs. Black. I will advocate, within the law and to the best of my abilities, at your request. But if I may, I'd like to point out to you that you have supported Mr. Black through two years of marriage, emotionally and socially. It could be argued that you have been a fundamental asset in establishing your husband's company. Without that continued support, we have no way of knowing what affect that could have had on his success. While you bring no income of your own to the situation, in this case, your _time_ has been money."_

_"I understand your position, Mr. Newton. This may sound callous, but I don't care about the money. I don't have the energy to fight for it." I picked at the tissue I was clutching in my hands before meeting his eyes again. Mr. Newton sat straight in his chair, his blond hair slicked back off his face and his hard blue eyes fixed back on mine._

_"With all due respect, that's what you're paying me for, Mrs. Black. Let me do my job." His tone was firm and left no room for negotiation._

_"Whatever you feel you need to do, Mr. Newton," I sighed, resigned to the fact that I would just have to leave things in his hands. "I don't want to be involved with the process at all; I just want to know when it's over."_

_"As you wish." He smiled at me from behind his large desk, a devious smirk that sent a chill down my spine. I was suddenly thankful that Mr. Newton was my attorney and not Jacob's._

"So, as of tomorrow, I'll be Bella Swan again, officially?" I asked hopefully.

"That's right. Mr. Black really did hurry the papers back without contesting anything. He also enclosed a letter. Should I forward it on to you at the address in Masen?" he inquired.

"Actually, could you just open it and read it now, please? I'd much rather have everything closed and final today; you know, start tomorrow afresh."

"Of course, I'll just get it." He cleared his throat and I heard the ruffle of papers in the background. "Are you ready, Bella?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Very well." Mr. Newton cleared his throat again and started reading Jacob's letter.

" 'Dear Bella, I've tried to give you what you asked for, I'm sorry you felt that you couldn't talk to me about this. I hope you can be happy, it's all I ever wanted for you. If you ever want to talk, you know how to reach me. I hope that things are going well for you in Masen with Charlie. Yours, Jacob.'

"That's all there is, Bella," Mr. Newton advised.

I remained silent for a moment, mulling over what Jacob had said. _I've tried to give you what you asked for, I'm sorry you felt that you couldn't talk to me about this. _He was sorry that I couldn't talk to him! It was Jacob who couldn't talk to me, without the cover of darkness and the perception of me sleeping. It was Jacob who had set the wheels in motion and now he was acting like it was something he never wanted. True, I hadn't asked him to confirm what I had heard, but his growing distance as the weeks went on seemed indication enough of what he wanted.

"Bella?"

"Thank you, Mr. Newton. Do you need me for anything else?" My throat felt tight with the anger that was beginning to course through my body.

"No, that concludes our business, Bella. Please don't hesitate to contact either myself or my associate should you have any other questions, and of course, should you need our services any further, our office in Dallas would be more than happy to help."

After a quick goodbye, the call disconnected and I was left standing dumbstruck in the kitchen. Tears I hadn't been expecting ran down my cheeks and I wiped at them roughly. I had given Jacob seven years of my life, and now that it was over, I expected to feel unattached to what we had built together. But instead of feeling free, I couldn't help the overwhelming sense of loss. It wasn't as simple as sectioning off that part of myself and closing the door to the past. The edges were still raw and my heart was still hurting. The unknown portion of my marriage would never be closed. Shadows remained and secrets were still hidden.

The only way to truly move past Jacob would be to unearth the _why _behind his original request to end our marriage. My shoulders slumped forward, and I suddenly felt like any real progress I had made over the last few weeks had been for naught. I tried to breathe but my lungs wouldn't take in the air they needed, it felt like I was suffocating.

I needed to speak to him. I needed that closure. I tried to steady my breathing and quell my tears and sniffles. I filled a glass with water and drank it slowly, thinking about what I might say. Finally, with shaky hands, I reached for the phone and dialed the familiar number. The phone rang three times before the line connected, and my blood ran cold as I heard a stranger's saccharine voice down the line.

_"Jakey, don't be long, I'm almost done with dinner."_

_"Sure thing, babe."_

My throat began to close as my breathing tried to quicken. Clutching onto the counter in front of me, I fought to take a deep and calming breath.

_"Hello?"_

My face felt like it was on fire, and my vision began to blur with angry, unshed tears.

"Fuck you, Jacob Black. How could you?" I didn't wait for his reply before slamming the receiver back on the cradle.

I ran from the house, more tears streaking down my cheeks as the phone shrilled behind me. Several strangled sobs burst from my chest, and I tried in vain to inhale the gentle warm breeze blowing my hair around my face. I was being torn in two. It felt like I was dying, he had taken everything from me, and had left me with nothing.

As I passed Charlie's truck, through watery eyes, I caught a flash of red—his emergency gas tank. Without a second thought, I ran back into the house and searched for my keys. With them firmly gripped in my hand, I headed back to the truck and grabbed the canister from the flat bed, not hesitating for a moment and lifting the crowbar lying there too. I made my way to the Audi, choking back my tears, trying desperately not to shed another one for the man who had destroyed my confidence.

I stood and looked at the shiny brown paintwork—deep chocolate shades with a dusting of shimmered gold—seeing my warped reflection on the side of the car. My face was blotchy and strands of hair were stuck to my wet cheeks. I hated how weak and desolate I looked. I raised my hand, the keys biting sharply into the flesh of my palm, and looped my finger under the ignition key. Pressing the tiny piece of metal against the door panel, I flicked my wrist, leaving an angry scratch in the metallic paint.

It felt good to inflict damage on something tangible, and in Jacob's absence, I would settle for the Audi. My hand moved of its own accord, stripping the paint right down to the undercoat in some places. It took less than ten minutes to distort my image beyond recognition, reflected now only in small fractions and narrow slithers. But my fingers ached and my wrist protested as my mind convinced me that the damage wasn't enough.

Opening the door and storing the canister on the passenger seat, I got in and laid the crowbar across my lap. Turning the ignition, I yanked the car into reverse, my movements surprisingly smooth and calculated. I drove down the dirt road back toward the highway, stopping halfway and parking at the side of the road. Clutching the crowbar in my hand, I stepped out of the car, determined and graceful. It was as if my body had taken over and focused all of the emotions running through me.

Jacob Black could shove his anniversary gift up his cheating, whoring ass. I didn't want anything of his. A rush of anger and adrenaline flooded my system and I violently stabbed the bar through the driver's seat. Repeatedly, I gouged at the rich creamy leather, scoring the smooth finish and shredding the material, synchronizing my breaths with each rip and tear that echoed through the air. When the seat was decimated, I stood back and stared at the damage. My senses were still on high alert, not satisfied with the destruction I had already caused.

I slammed the door closed, catching my reflection in the glass. My face was flushed and my eyes looked wild; the woman staring back at me was almost unrecognizable. Before I could stop myself, I swung the bar still clutched in my hands and shattered the window. It felt good. Less than an hour ago I thought _I_ had done something to push Jacob away, causing him to become distant. But no, it wasn't me. All along Jacob had been redirecting his attentions elsewhere. Where I had been left feeling neglected, he had been anything but.

I moved fluidly around the car, breaking each of the windows, one after the other. Glass shards flew through the air and I turned my head, feeling them pull on my hair as they landed among the dampened strands. I lifted the crowbar high above my head and brought it down hard on the windshield, the point of impact whitening with the stress of the crushed glass. I watched as fractures spread over the glass, the tiny hairline cracks symbolic of the twisted web of lies Jacob had hidden under.

It took three more swings at the glass before it broke, falling back inside the car and covering the dash with broken chunks. I continued to bring the crowbar down, pounding on the hood and watching the metal dimple and buckle under the strain. My shoulders ached, my back felt tight, and the impact of each blow had sent continuous shudders along my arms. I dropped the bar on the ground at my feet, and the _clunk_ sound it made brought me out of my haze.

The twisted and mangled remains of the car looked pitiful. It was exactly how I felt. Falling to my knees, I cradled my head in my hands, heaving and sobbing.

"No!" I yelled abruptly, smacking my hands against the rough surface of the road. I was _not_ going to let Jacob do this to me. Lifting myself up off the ground, I stalked around to the other side of the car.

I reached in through the passenger window and retrieved the canister from the seat, still not able to stem the flow of tears. I uncapped the odorous and scratched container, and poured some of the gasoline over the interior of the car. When I was sure the seats were saturated, I stepped back, and began to swing the can back and forth, shaking more of the fuel over the paint work, the road and the tires. My eyes and lungs began to sting and burn with the fumes as my body shook and heaved with each new sob. I staggered backward, losing my footing twice before dropping Charlie's canister away from my feet.

With shaky fingers I retrieved the book of matches from my back pocket and wiped at my eyes with the back of my hand. I briefly turned my face to the sky and fisted my hand in my hair, a feral scream ripping from my throat. Glass pinched at my palm as my hand fell away from my head, and I winced at the tiny trickles of blood seeping from my skin. More tears slid down my temples as my breath hitched and loud broken cries sounded heavily in the surrounding silence.

Pulling my attention back to the car, I tore a match from the book and lit it, staring at the flicker and glow of the small flame before throwing it at the car. A satisfying roar coursed through the air and I quickly stepped back, watching with rapture as yellow and orange flames licked at the torn seats and the dash. I stood for a moment, mesmerized as the fire moved in a lustrous dance across the paintwork and through the windows. The blaze began to burn higher and higher, a raging inferno crackling in front of me, the embodiment of everything I had felt in the last two hours right back to the last two years.

Thick black smoke billowed and twisted up into the humid blue sky, and I grew frustrated at the way the destruction spread slowly, under and through the shell. I began to tear off and strike one match after the next, throwing them toward the wreck until the book was empty. I heard my name being called over the rush of the fire and the hiss and crack of the ruined leather.

Just as my knees started to give out from under me, two strong arms circled around my shoulders and waist as Edward held me to his chest, his breath cool as it fanned over my flushed face. I felt limp in his arms, the last of the adrenaline finally expelled from my body.

"Shhh, Bella, it's okay. I just need to move you, we need to stand back." His voice was soft, almost a whisper in my ear. I couldn't stop crying and I wiped my bloodied hand across my cheeks. "Hold on, don't…not with that hand. Christ, baby, what've you done to yourself?"

I couldn't speak, my throat was thick with tears still left unshed and I whimpered into Edward's chest as he turned me, cradling me against him. Charlie's voice permeated the air and I heard him tell Edward to take me back to the house.

My legs felt heavy and the space around me felt thick. I couldn't move; I was too tired. Emotionally and physically the day had been too much. I was spent.

"It was never me," I whispered. "There was someone else."

"What do you mean, Bella?" Edward's breath felt warm on my temple. Warmth was good, I needed warmth.

"I was never enough." I felt the last of my tears dry on my face, the skin feeling stretched and tight. Edward braced one arm around my back and gently hooked his free arm behind my knees, taking steady strides back home. My eyes flickered closed, the sunlight too harsh for me to keep them open. Edward began murmuring above me and the smooth lilt of his voice, coupled with the gentle vibrations through his chest as he spoke, calmed my body and I felt sleep fighting to take me. My breathing was under control, for what felt like the first time all day, and I was only able to pick out some of what Edward was saying.

"Who else, Bella?" His arms tightened around me. It could have been to provide comfort or out of desperation, but I didn't care. I felt safe and that was all that mattered. I hummed softly, trying to understand his question.

"It doesn't matter, baby. You can tell me later."

When I could no longer feel the breeze on my face, I knew I was home. Edward carried me to the bathroom and set me down on the vanity counter. He filled the basin with water and gently cleaned my hand, careful to remove any remaining glass. He tenderly brushed out my hair and I heard the glass shards bounce off the counter. Edward wiped my face with a warm cloth, and as I sat feeling helpless and hopeless, I stared into his eyes. They looked sad and tortured, but I couldn't fathom why.

I reached up and touched his cheek with my fingertips, while he wrapped gauze around my injured hand. "So sad," I said with a soft sigh.

Edward's eyes met mine and he tried to offer me a weak smile. "My friend is hurtin'. So yeah, I'm sad."

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, dropping my gaze.

"Don't be sorry, Bella, it's not your fault. Is it?" he asked lightly.

"He didn't want me."

"He's a fool."

"I wasn't enough." My voice cracked and my vision blurred once again. Edward lifted my head and wiped my eyes with the damp cloth.

"You are enough, Bella." With that, Edward lifted me from the counter and carried me to my room. Once released from his arms, I stood staring out the window and saw the black smoke in the distance. The sound of fire trucks disturbed the easy silence and I took another shaky breath. I was done for today, I couldn't take anymore.

"You need to change, Bella. Your clothes…you can't lie down in these." He fingered my t-shirt briefly before moving to my dresser, retrieving shorts and a vest for me to change into. "Do you need any help?"

I tried to unbutton my jeans, but my hands felt numb. I nodded slowly, knowing there was no one else to help me. Edward stepped forward and kneeled down in front of me. He lifted my hands to rest on his shoulders and slowly unlaced my shoes, slipping them off one after the other. I looked down at him and saw his eyes were fixed on my stomach as he deftly unbuttoned my jeans. His eyes never wandered, remaining fixated on the sliver of skin I knew would be visible just below my t-shirt.

Once my legs were free and bare, Edward lifted each one carefully so that I could step into my shorts, dropping his eyes to the floor only once. I brushed my fingers over the top of his hair and was surprised by how soft it felt tickling my skin. He hesitated for a moment before pulling the cotton up past my thighs and to my hips.

"You okay?" Edward asked as he stood up. I looked up into his face and shook my head infinitesimally. "Do you need me to stop?" he asked, squeezing my shoulder lightly. He was trying to comfort me in a way that only Edward seemed to be able to. He didn't have to be here, he chose to be. But unlike so many other times, his presence didn't have its usual calming effect. Even as I tried to focus on his reverent touches and the steady intake of his breath, I could feel my senses numbing and my chest aching.

"Please don't."

He moved behind me, affording me some privacy, before placing his hands on my waist and lifting the hem of my t-shirt. "Lift your arms for me, Bella," he whispered.

I did as he asked, and he pulled the fabric over my head. The act was intimate but lacked desire and want. This was about Edward giving me something I needed and no one else could provide. I felt small and weak, lost and unsure. The fissure in my chest was crumbling again, gaping wide and exposing my bleeding heart. My epiphany at the lake, the steps I had made forward, the way I had tried to rebuild and mend friendships—it was all forged on the assumption that I was at fault, that the demise of my marriage sat on my shoulders, that I had pushed Jacob away. There was strength in that; in being the wrongdoer, not the wronged. But it was all based on a lie.

I tilted my head to the ceiling, blinking rapidly and trying to dispel the tears sitting in my eyes.

"It's okay, Bella. Just let go." Edward's soft voice reminded me that I had promised myself I would only cry in the privacy of my room. I only had to wait a short while longer until Edward left and then I would be able to breakdown. "If you need to fall, I'll catch you." Warm breath ghosted across the top of my head just before Edward pulled my vest over my shoulders, smoothing it down my body respectfully.

I held my breath as he guided me over to the bed, scared the expansion of my lungs or the exhale of an unsteady breath would send the moisture down my cheeks. Edward lifted the duvet and I stumbled under the sheets.

"I can stay, if you'd like," he offered, and my bottom lip began to quiver. He needed to leave; I couldn't do this with him watching me. I rolled onto my side, keeping my back to him.

"No, thank you," I rasped, my throat hoarse from the emotions that had swept through me today. Silent tears ran down my temple, falling onto the pillowcase under my head, while I listened to Edward's retreating footsteps. He hesitated at the door and my breath hitched.

"I'll be downstairs if you need…" Edward's voice trailed off, and I heard him sigh before closing the door.

My chest was tight and my lungs burned, desperate for air, and as I gulped in deep breaths, I let go. My body trembled and shook, and loud sobs resounded throughout the room. I buried my face against the cool cotton, hoping that if I couldn't hear myself break all over again, that I wouldn't feel it either. But it was no use. I fell hard and chose to do it alone.

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A/N: *runs to hide* RL has knocked me for six this last week, guys, so the next chapter for RoH will be posted on 20th Nov. It's the one you've been asking for so I hope you think it's worth the extra wait. That said I will be posting another outtake on 13th Nov, so if "RoH: A Slice of Hope" isn't already on your alerts then pop it on just now.

**I'll post a teaser on Fictionators this week, and as always, thank you for reading.**


	12. Reasons and Excuses

**A/N: Sorry this chapter is so late. There was a delay getting it to my beta and then TG holidays arrived. Hugh thanks to annanabanana for staying up so late with her red pen, fixing my embarrassing mistakes. Thanks also to miztrezboo who was so supportive and held my hand as I wrote this chapter.**

**Chapter Music: Cry Me A River by Michael Bublé **

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Chapter 12: Reasons and Excuses

**:: Bella ::**

As I lay staring at the ceiling, the phone rang again for the ninth time this morning.

"I mean it! Stop callin' my house!" Charlie's voice filtered up from the kitchen. I cringed, knowing that he was dealing with Jacob.

Hungry, I swung my stiff legs over the edge of my bed, pausing for a moment and hoping that Edward hadn't stayed like he said he would. I wasn't ready to face anyone yet. Things had gone too far yesterday. I sat and thought back over my life, realizing I'd gone from police chief's daughter, to housewife, to divorcée with arsonistic tendencies.

The things I'd done as a kid were enough to turn Charlie's hair grey, but none of them had been criminal.

Shame flooded my body as I walked over to my daybed and settled onto the old and tired mattress. My grandmother's blanket hung over one end and I traced the stitching with my fingers as I sat and thought about what I had done.

Falling against the back of the metal frame, I pulled the blanket over my knees and up to my shoulders. Burying my face in the fabric, I broke down again. More muffled sobs made my chest ache, and the salty tears in my throat made it hard to breathe. I didn't hear the door open, or the light footsteps across the floor. It wasn't until the mattress dipped at my back and two slender, but strong, arms wrapped around me that I knew I wasn't alone.

"Shhh, I'm here, Bella. It'll all be okay," Alice soothed as she pressed her cheek between my shoulder blades, squeezing me tightly against her chest. She rocked us both while I gasped for air, the breeze blowing the voile at the windows as the birds sang, oblivious to my heartache, on the balcony. Alice hummed songs from our childhood as she ran her hand over my hair, never stopping the steady pendulum motion our bodies made.

Finally, when it felt like my throat would take no more, my cries became sniffles and my tears dried on my cheeks. Alice had always known when to come. The day my mom died she'd found me in the exact same place, and Charlie had found us both wrapped around each other hours later. We were so much smaller then. He'd stayed with us that night—him consoling his girls, me consoling my father, and Alice consoling us both.

She'd never stopped. She was here now, and even in my absence Alice had been here for Charlie.

"I called Jacob. For closure," I added vacantly.

"Oh?"

"He has someone else," I murmured, not sure what I hated more—the sadness in my voice or the fact that he had moved on while I had struggled to get through each day.

"Already?" Alice asked, shocked but never releasing me from her grasp. I nodded, unable to repeat the words. "Oh, Bella," she breathed, placing her hand over my breaking heart. Was I really so replaceable? Was seven years so easy to forget?

"I don't understand, Ally. Was he with _her_ all this time? How long has _she_ been in my house?" I choked out.

"Honey, it's not your house anymore. You're home's here. Don't torture yourself over this. It was never your fault." I felt her body shaking against mine and I pressed back into her. It had always been the same with us. My pain was hers, and hers, mine. We were kindred and it seemed that no amount of time apart would destroy that.

"I feel so empty. I feel like my entire marriage was a lie. And I still have questions."

"Maybe you didn't get the closure you wanted, Bella, but at least it's over now," she hesitated, stilling us both at the same time. "It is over, isn't it?"

I nodded, feeling her sigh against my back, her body still pressed tightly to mine, and she began her gentle swaying once more. She was holding me together, trying to ground me in the moment and trying to ensure that the steps I had taken forward weren't for naught.

"Whenever it started, Jacob's affair's a reflection on him—not on how you were as a wife, and definitely not on you as a person." Alice pulled back then, turning me to face her as best she could. With her hands on either side of my face, her eyes bored into mine. "You're beautiful, Bella. You're kind and givin'. I've never known you to have a selfish bone in your body. I know you did everything you could. None of this is _your_ fault."

Alice smiled gently, her eyes glistening with tears in the midday sun as the rays bounced off my vanity mirror. Shards of light brightened neglected, darkened corners, and my own eyes filled with tears as the shadows were chased away.

I pulled Alice into a fierce embrace, never more thankful to have her in my life. We cried on each other's shoulders—her face pressed into my neck and her hair tickling my nose—and with every tear I shed, I felt like the healing was beginning again. The ebbing salt was cleansing my soul and each breath I took told me that I had done all I could.

Alice was right. This wasn't on me, this was all on Jacob.

It was then that Edward's words stirred within me, awakening my self-belief and removing any lingering doubt. _You are enough._

Faint noises drifted up from the kitchen and I heard Charlie muttering curses amid muted thumps and bangs. I laughed, a watery sound, almost strangled from what felt like days of grieving.

"What's he doing down there?" I asked, pulling away from Alice and wiping my nose with the back of my hand.

"Makin' your favorite." She smiled again, her cheeks as tear stained as mine. "Come on, let's wash up and get you dressed. After we've eaten we're goin' out."

Twenty minutes later, I was fresh out of the shower, my damp hair hanging loose down my back. Alice had scrubbed her face clean, and we were both pink cheeked and brighter eyed. She reached into my closet and passed me out a pair of jeans so old and comfortable that they were worn through in places.

As I finished dressing in a casual shirt and loose vest, Alice squeezed my hand. "You're perfect."

The smell of Charlie's cooking hit me as soon as Alice and I reached the foot of the stairs. It was the scent of my childhood and of family breakfasts on early summer mornings.

"Hey, sweetheart." Charlie wrapped his arms around my shoulders and crushed me to him. "I won't let him hurt you again, Bella," he said sincerely, his words a murmur against my hair.

I was relieved that Charlie knew about Jacob's betrayal. Edward had saved me that much. I wondered if the others knew, if the news of Jacob's infidelity had already spread through town. Could I face going back to work? Jacob's father and family still lived in Masen; there would never be any getting away from him.

I clutched at Charlie's back, balling my fists into his shirt, calming myself further with the scent of home and the vanilla essence that was enveloping the kitchen. There was nothing I could say. Charlie had never let me down.

After a moment, he spoke again. "I made your favorite."

Standing back, I surveyed the countertops. The griddle was still sitting on top of the range, broken egg shells sat discarded on a small plate, the jug of two percent was still sitting out, along with the butter, and the dish Charlie used to soak the bread also sat in the center of the disarray.

Alice was busy carrying sliced bananas and fresh raspberries to the table, along with, what I was sure would be, two small jugs of warmed honey and toffee sauce.

I leaned up and kissed Charlie's cheek before walking over to the table and pulling out a chair.

"Thanks, daddy," I said as both he and Alice took their seats. I ducked my head and spooned some fruit onto my plate, hoping to avoid more tears at the table, before adding, "You make the best French toast."

~oOo~

"Thanks, Chief," Alice called through the window as she closed the door to Charlie's truck.

"Anytime, Ally. You know that."

"You ready?" Alice asked, turning to me and linking her arm through mine. I took a deep breath. It was the middle of the week; the bar would be quiet. It was as good a place as any to see if the gossip mill was already turning.

"As I'll ever be." With a tight smile on my face we walked into Whitlock's.

As I took in the dimly lit bar, I could feel tears begin to prickle at the back of my eyes. Jasper and Lottie were behind the bar flicking towels at each other, Edward's head was thrown back in laughter and Emmett was helping Rose off her stool.

"You didn't think you'd have to do this alone, did you?" Alice whispered, hip checking me gently and wrapping her arm around my waist. I shook my head and blinked hard, determined not to start crying again.

"Baby Bell!" Jasper shouted. "You made it." His smile was infectious and I couldn't help but grin back. "First one's on me," he said, and as he pulled a bottle of Jack from behind the bar, I groaned playfully.

"We're headin' out, guys," Emmett said, ushering Rose toward the door.

"It's good to see you again, Bella," Rose murmured as she passed, brushing the back of her hand down my forearm.

"You, too," I replied, a little startled by the contact.

"See you at work tomorrow, Baby Bell?" Emmett asked, almost as an afterthought, stopping before disappeared through the doors.

"Sure, Em, bright and early." Maybe getting back into a routine was what I needed.

"Not too early." With a final wink, he left the five of us in the bar.

"Hey, Ally," Lottie greeted, setting down a lemonade with a twist of lime in front of Alice, as we reached the bar. "Bella," she said warmly.

"Hiya, thanks for the drink." Alice lifted her glass toward Lottie, who smiled, before taking a long sip.

"Hi, Lottie," I replied quietly. She smiled kindly and wiped the bar, removing the ring of condensation left behind by Alice's drink.

"Do you need me up here, boss?" Lottie asked, turning to Jasper. "If not, I'm gonna check the inventory and stock the bar."

"You go on ahead, darlin', we're good up here," Jasper said over his shoulder. I watched as she twisted her hair up into a messy knot with a pen, grabbed a notepad, and disappeared down into the cellar.

"Come shoot some pool with me?" Alice asked Edward, tugging gently on his arm and cocking her head. Edward scrunched his nose and threw Jasper a disparaging look.

"Fine, but you're rackin' 'em." He drained the last of his beer and followed Alice to the tables.

"What was that about?" I asked Jasper, not understanding the looks or what had been said.

"Trust me, you don't wanna know." He laughed, walking around the end of the bar and sitting next to me on one of the stools. Knowing Alice, he was probably right. "So…" he trailed off, maybe to give me the chance to offer something first.

"So…" I replied, not sure what to say or where to start.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really." My voice sounded small. It was the same voice I'd used as a child whenever I had to tell Charlie how I'd gotten in trouble.

"It'll help." Jasper took a large mouthful of his own Jack and tea, and I followed suit. I welcomed the burn as it coated my mouth, and the lingering sweetness as my tongue and lips slowly began to numb.

"He has someone else."

"I heard something like that," he muttered dryly.

"I burned his car."

"I heard that, too." From the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper nod his head and a smirk pull at the corner of his mouth. "How'd that make you feel?"

"At the time? Better, I guess." We both took another mouthful. "But then there was nothing."

"It's the adrenaline. You peaked. You fell." His tone was matter of fact. "I see it in here sometimes, guys letting their emotions mix with the alcohol. They always take it outside, they know better than to fight in here, but still, it's not pretty," Jasper finished with a knowing smirk and a shake of his head.

"I can imagine."

"But Edward was there, right?" he asked, turning his head to look at me.

"He was, and he took care of me," I said, running my finger around the rim of my glass. "He's a good friend." Jasper laughed through his nose before swallowing the last of his drink.

"That he is." Jasper reached over the bar for the bottle of Jack and poured himself a large measure, this time foregoing the sweet tea. When he offered to top me off, I shook my head. Getting drunk wasn't going to make me feel any better.

"So what now?" he questioned, his tone probing but not demanding.

I sipped the dregs from my glass, tasting more of the melted ice than the sweetened whiskey.

"That weekend you saw me down at the lake, I just realized that I could _breathe_ here. I may never find out why Jacob asked for a divorce, or when he started cheating, but I need to try and accept it so that _I_ can move on too. I can't waste my life on him anymore." I swirled the last of the ice in my glass, watching as tiny chips fragmented and began to slowly melt. "I have people here who love me and enjoy spending time with me. I intend to take full advantage of that. Maybe piece by piece, taking baby steps, I can pull my life back together and just be me. You know, not be defined by someone else."

"Sounds like a plan, Baby Bell."

A loud cheer carried over the bar, and we both turned to see Alice dancing circles around Edward. Jasper laughed and got to his feet.

"Oh, she's good." He kissed my temple and smiled down at me. "You know we're all here for you, right?" Closing my eyes, I nodded. It felt good to have people I could rely on. I'd missed that in Phoenix.

"Are you hustlin' that man, angel?" he called over to Alice. He was so sweet with her. She shook her head, laughing hard, as Edward grabbed her around the waist and hooked her over his arm.

"Best of three, and this time, I'm bringin' my A game." Edward smiled directly at me as he challenged Alice.

"I'll be right back."

I bumped into Lottie, briefly, as she made another run up from the cellar—her arms full of bottles. Exchanging quick 'hellos', I continued through the bar toward the hallway near the front. Passing both Jasper's second office and the door marked _Cowboys_, I walked through the door showing a cute cowgirl scorched into the wood. Taking two minutes to myself, I remembered Edward's laughter as Alice and I walked into the bar, Jasper's easy and welcoming smile, and even Rose's tentative, but comforting touch. There were no awkward moments, just a casual easiness that made being with these people so natural and calming.

Content enough to join the others, I left the little _Cowgirls'_ room and walked straight into a wall of muscle.

"Sorry," I gasped, bracing myself, trying to stop from falling over.

"Bella." I felt the blood drain from my face, and my heart began to thump erratically in my chest. "Dad said he saw you come in here." I pushed away from the hands holding firm on my shoulders, pressing myself into the wall, unwilling to believe what I was seeing.

_Fight or flight. Fight or flight._

Why had he come? What did he want? For the shortest moment, I wanted to be wrapped in his arms, for him to tell me _this_ was the lie, that the pain and the deception weren't real. But as he reached to touch the side of my face, I recoiled. He was touching _her_ now.

"Don't touch me," I hissed, trying to slip past him. Goosebumps trailed along my arm as his fingers grazed my skin, finally securing themselves around my wrist and holding me firmly in his grasp.

"We need to talk. You wouldn't answer any of my calls. I drove all night. I even tried calling from the motel, Bella. Please?"

Please? Was he serious? Now he wanted to talk. He'd had months to speak to me—before I'd left Phoenix, since I'd been in Masen—and there'd been nothing. He was lucky I wasn't scratching his eyes out. My stomach began to twist and flutter happily at the prospect of seeing his reaction when he found out what had happened to his precious Audi.

"Is everything alright back here, Bella?" Lottie stood at the end of the hallway, holding the small fruit knife that Jasper kept on the bar for cutting the citrus.

"Jacob was just leaving," I said through gritted teeth, yanking my arm free and walking quickly toward Lottie.

"No. I. Wasn't," he ground back, taking a menacing step forward. Although I'd seen it rarely, and never directed at me, I knew Jacob had a temper. Lottie put her own body between us but I'd seen enough. My _fight_ was done and in its place _flight_ had me running out of the bar, heading for the road and the safety of the trees lining the back of Doc Garrett's boundary line. I slowed as I hit Smith Street, counting each of my steps as my shoes resounded lightly off the dirt track.

As I reached forty-seven, I heard the steady hum of an engine behind me.

"Would you just get in!"

"Leave me alone, Jacob. I have nothing I want to say to you." Lies. All of it lies. I had wanted closure, a chance to find out why, but my head wouldn't process the questions. I hadn't had time to prepare. The one small mercy I could be thankful for was that the anger had returned. It wasn't as consuming as yesterday, but at least I wasn't crying in front of him.

"I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me, and it's a long walk back to Charlie's, Bella." He sidled up next to me, his arm hanging casually out of the window and his head pressed into the back of the seat, as he watched the road. I crossed my arms firmly over my chest, trying to steady my quickening breaths. Jacob was right about one thing: it'd take me at least two hours to walk home. Could I stomach fifteen minutes in a car with him for a ride home and some answers?

No. I had more self-respect than that.

Just as I had resolved to walk, a familiar red truck pulled up in front of Jacob, effectively cutting him off on the quiet back road. Edward sat behind the wheel, and even in the small reflection of the side mirror, I could see his jaw was tight and his eyes were hard. He was angry, and he was looking right at Jacob.

The passenger door swung open and Jasper stepped out, not bothering to close it behind him. His eyes were fixed on mine as he walked with a determined step over to me. His hands took a brief inventory as they skimmed the sides of my face and then my arms, finally and carefully, lifting the wrist Jacob had grabbed in the bar.

"You okay?" I nodded as Jasper dipped his head, his blue eyes searching my face. "Go get in the truck." I did as he said, and as I cast a look over my shoulder, I saw him lean into Jacob's window, his face no longer full of the concern it held as he had spoken to me.

As I settled next to Edward, I could hear his breathing was almost labored—as if he were struggling under a heavy weight on his chest.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"Don't Bella. Just don't. If you apologize, I'll…"

"You'll what, Edward?" I asked, cautiously touching the side of his leg.

"I'll get out of this truck, and so help me—"

The bench seat dipped again as Jasper got in, slamming the door closed behind him.

"Let's get Bella home."

As Edward drove back to Charlie's we sat in silence. My only comfort was the knowledge that these men—my friends, my protectors—weren't angry with me. They hadn't let me fall. I'd run, but they'd caught me nonetheless.

~oOo~

Maggie had made slipping back into working at the diner easy. She took the orders, talking to customers, while I stayed behind the register—keeping a tangible fortress between me and the townsfolk. As I'd walked in this morning, Emmett had tried to do two things. The first was to send me home. The second was to offer to 'run Jacob outta town.' Sweet as his gestures were, I declined both.

On the occasions I felt up to it, I would venture out and bus a table or two with Riley, but for the most part, Emmett was happy to leave me sitting behind the counter, refilling napkin dispensers and issuing checks.

That was until Jessie Call came in with her kids in tow. "Hey Bella, I heard you were back in town." She dropped her enormous purse onto the counter and I cringed a little at the sound it made. "I'm sorry things didn't, you know," she whispered conspiratorially, "work out."

"Yeah, thanks, Jess," I answered, hoping she missed the expression on my face as I rolled my eyes. I needn't have worried. Her son was tugging at her dress and whining while her daughter was picking at the quarters glued to the counter.

"Momma, why would someone stick these down," she huffed, trying to pry her little fingers under the edge of one of the coins.

"Benji, stop pullin' on momma, please." She swiped at the boy's hand and turned her attention to the girl. "I don't know, baby. Only stupid people throw away money." I raised an eyebrow at her statement, feeling slightly insulted.

"What can I get you, Jess," I deadpanned. She whimpered as Benji continued to pull at her dress and the girl started to spill sugar over the counter top.

"Timeout guys. Momma needs two mommy-minutes." I almost felt sorry for her. Jessie was older than Emmett, but I didn't know by how many years exactly, and she looked like she couldn't keep it together.

"Just two banana splits, Bella—with cherries and chocolate sauce." I held back a snort. These kids didn't need anymore sugar.

"Take a seat, I'll have them sent over."

The three of them moved toward a booth, and I heard the bell chime over the door as I began to scoop vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry ice-cream into banana boats.

"Hey, Bella. You okay?" Emmett appeared and hovered at my side.

"Sure. Just making sundaes." I smiled at him. His own smile faltered as a shadow fell over the counter and a throat cleared from the other side of it.

"I don't want any trouble in here, Billy. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave," Emmett said as he leaned over the counter, keeping himself between me and my ex-father-in-law. With shaking hands I pushed the finished deserts into Maggie's waiting hands while I kept my eyes fixed on her back as she took them over to Jessie and her kids, watching Billy out of the corner of my eye.

"I'm not here to cause any trouble; I came here to warn Bella." Billy held up his hands in a peaceful gesture. I picked up one of the discarded trays, eager to have something in my hands and something else between me and any prying eyes.

"If this is about Jacob, she already knows he's here."

"I wish it was just about Jake, but there's more," he said, as he shook his head. I stepped forward, ready to tell him that I wasn't interested in anything he had to say. That if it involved Jacob, I didn't care any longer. But before I could open my mouth, the bell over the door chimed again, and an eerie silence fell over the diner.

"This ain't gonna be good," Billy murmured, sinking down onto one of the stools, and I turned my head to follow his line of vision.

I had met her only once before. Jacob had invited her home for dinner, explaining that her father was an important investor and that it was vital that we get his daughter on board. She had been perfectly styled and coiffed, from the tips of her designer shoes, to the couture outfit that had hugged her hips and ample breasts. Her bright blue eyes, full red lips, and manicured nails were an obvious indication of how eager she had been to be accepted.

But as she stood before me in McCarty's, I assessed her again. Everything about her seemed different. Her eyes were taunting and condescending, and her lips were pulled into an evil sneer. Her clothing was bright and out of place in Masen, but no doubt, still expensive, while an oversized purse hung in front of her body, looped though her slender arm. Her eyes roamed through the diner, searching for something or someone, and it was when her glacial stare finally found my face that her sneer widened into a devious grin.

"Isabella, so nice to see you again." As soon as she spoke, I felt my heart rate increase, and the empty tray I'd been clutching fell to the ground. I recognized that voice with such clarity now; I had been a fool not to place it sooner. When I'd heard it yesterday, as I'd called _him_, I was too distracted to really _listen_ to who it could have been. I took a step backward, right into Emmett, and she stepped forward. It was obvious that she had come with Jacob, the question was, what was she doing coming to see me?

"Tanya," I muttered, offering what I hoped was a curt nod.

"Is that all you have to say to me?" she continued.

"I don't think now's the time," Billy interjected.

"Oh, do hush. I think now is the perfect time. Jacob's made me wait long enough." Tanya waved Billy off.

"What do you want?" I asked timidly, only comforted minutely by Emmett's hands resting on my shoulders.

"I don't _want_ anything. I _have_ what I want now. I just resent being made to wait so long to get it." Her heeled sandals clicked across the floor as she maneuvered through the tables before coming to a standstill just shy of Billy's seat at the counter. Biting the bullet, I swallowed hard and almost whispered the question I dreaded most.

"How long have you been sleeping with Jacob?" I didn't understand why I was suddenly able to string the words together. Why here, in the middle of the diner, and to a woman I didn't know, when I couldn't ask Jacob the same question only yesterday?

"Seven months, give or take." She shrugged nonchalantly, not even taking a pause to consider her answer.

"_Seven months!_" I whispered back, horrified. It was so much worse than I'd imagined.

"Come now, don't sound so surprised. You're a girl from a small town, what could you possibly know about satisfying and keeping a man?"

"Hey now! That's enough!" Emmett's voice sounded loud over my shoulder. "I don't know who you think you are, lady, but Jacob Black's a guy from a small town, too."

"That may be so, but he's a man with big city dreams." Her eyes fixated on mine again as the hits just kept on coming. "And you were just holding him back. Now with you gone, Jacob can finally have what he's always wanted." It was at that exact moment that Tanya Randell moved her arm, shifting her purse, and revealing the real reason she had come to town.

She smoothed her manicured hand over her swollen belly, and as I watched the movement, my vision began to swim and bile rose in my throat. What had Jacob done? How could he have done this to me? For two years he had promised me a family, putting it off for the sake of his business, and now his mistress—his whore—had waltzed into my sanctuary, flaunting his unborn child in my face.

My chest crumbled, the fissure nothing less than a gaping canyon. My heart sank into my stomach, slowly dissolving in the bile that remained there. A baby. He'd taken everything.

"Tanya, that's enough. Jacob should've—" Billy tried to stop her.

"If I had waited for Jacob, she'd still be in Phoenix," she hissed at him. A moment later her narrowed eyes and pursed lips were focused on me again. "He chose me and his baby over you. You're nothing to him! Do you understand?" Her voice rose as she pointed her finger at me.

"You need to get the hell outta my diner. Right now." Emmett gave my shoulders a squeeze before stepping out from behind the counter and moving to guide Tanya to the door. "Don't make me force you out."

As she shuffled backward, her tirade continued. "He came back for her! He came back because she's broken and wounded! Just grow up and move on, Isabella! He made his choice. He chose ME!"

"ENOUGH!" Billy's voice loomed across the diner. "Tanya, get out." He stood from his stool and fixed his hat on his head. I could only watch in silence as he marched over and gripped her arm, pulling her forcefully from the diner, the door slamming shut behind them, causing the bell to tinkle with the vibrations.

"Sorry about that, folks," Emmett announced from where he stood, ducking his head and flashing a sincere smile at his regulars.

Suddenly I felt like I couldn't breathe. Dropping to a crouch, I doubled over as if I'd been punched in the gut, trying to gulp down air as if my life depended on it.

I'd kept my promises—stayed faithful, and supported him—postponed my plans in favor of his, and all the while he was getting his dick wet with someone else. Now she was having his baby to boot. It should have been mine. I had waited so long.

"Bella?" Emmett's voice sounded from above me. "Bella, what can I do? Do you need anything?" he offered.

"Home," I gasped as tears began to flow down my cheeks. "I need to go home."

"Of course." He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side. "Whatever you need."

The drive back to Charlie's was difficult for us both. Emmett trying to concentrate on getting us there, and me trying to breathe, trying to process what had just happened. The sun, through the windows of Emmett's mustang, was stifling, and I clawed at the handle on my door to roll down the window. Turning in my seat, I let both arms dangle limply from the opening, holding my head out to feel the breeze on my face.

The air dried my tears and stung my eyes but it couldn't erase the image of Jacob's child growing inside another woman.

"It'll be okay, Baby Bell," Emmett soothed, and my body tensed momentarily as his hand began to rub my back.

"How will it be okay?" I wailed, allowing my head to fall against the door. The more I thought about it, the more I could rationalize that maybe I _had_ pushed Jacob toward Tanya. It was possible that our divorce wasn't directly my fault, but I could still be the reason he had found solace in the arms of another woman.

"Didn't you see her? How could I compete with that? I didn't even know. I'm so stupid," I continued, allowing my emotions to spiral out of control as Emmett listened helplessly.

"I did see her; she has nothing on you," Emmett said softly. "And you're not stupid, Bella."

I laughed bitterly through a broken sob. "No? He must have come home smelling of her, covered in her perfume and—" I broke off, suddenly feeling sick. What if he had been with her and then with me? I couldn't bear it. The image twisted in my gut, churning my stomach and forcing me to gag.

"Pull over," I said urgently, covering my mouth with my hand. Emmett swerved off the road, his tires sending a ribbon of dust toward the sky. Opening the door, I slid awkwardly from my seat falling to my knees and digging my fingernails into the dry dirt bed. I purged my stomach onto the ground in front of me, squeezing my eyes shut and gasping for breath.

Unbidden, images of Tanya being taken by Jacob flashed through my mind, made all the worse by the fact that her piercing blue eyes never left mine.

I felt Emmett's large hands at my neck, gathering my hair away from my face and whispering calming words in my ear as he crouched beside me.

"Don't let this defeat you, Bella. You're stronger than this," he murmured, but he was wrong. I didn't even have the strength to answer him.

After a moment, my breathing evened out and I was able to draw a cleansing breath into my lungs. The scent of sunflowers blew across the field we had stopped next to and I greedily took in another breath.

"Better?" Emmett asked, smoothing his hand through my hair.

"Not really," I whimpered as I peered up at him.

"Come on," he said, helping me to my feet. "I called Charlie. Edward's at the house too. They're both waitin' for us."

What seemed like only a few minutes later, I was cocooned in Charlie's arms, telling him about Tanya and the baby as he rocked me back and forth from one foot to the other in the middle of the yard. I could hear Edward and Emmett talking in the distance, before the rumble of Emmett's engine muffled my crying.

"What's this about a baby?" Edward asked quietly, sounding confused. Although I didn't think it possible, when I felt his fingers brush my lower back, my body relaxed further—a small coil of warmth spreading from his touch.

"Jacob didn't come alone." Charlie's voice was low and slightly distorted with my ear pressed against his chest, but it was as tense as the arms surrounding me.

"What?" Anger and disbelief colored Edward's tone, but before anyone could answer him, the sound of an engine filtered back down the driveway. I pushed away from Charlie's chest, desperate to be released and to thank Emmett for bringing me home.

"What in the blue hell?" Charlie seethed, and Edward grabbed his arms, pulling him back before he could take off across the yard. Strangely enough, it was all the encouragement I needed. The Bella that drove home with Emmett made way for the scorned ex-wife, who stood tall and fierce.

_Don't let this defeat you, Bella. You're stronger than this._

Emmett's words rang true as my eyes settled on Jacob's through his windshield, and I watched as he had the audacity to smile. Squaring my shoulders, my body surged forward, placing one sure foot in front of the other.

"Bella, I'm glad you're here. We need to talk," Jacob said as he climbed out of his rental. He held his arms open as if to embrace me on my approach. I scoffed under my breath—if he thought I was going to let him touch me, he was sorely mistaken.

As soon as I was close enough, I lunged for him, slapping him hard across his jaw and sending him reeling. My palm stung and my fingers twitched as I shook out my hand.

"What the hell, Bella?" Jacob said, startled.

"How dare you come back here. What are you trying to do to me?" I asked, my voice rising.

"I'm not happy, Bella. I need you at home, I know that now."

"Don't you dare! You wanted out," I yelled. "Not happy?" I stared at him incredulously. "Seriously? Are you fucking serious?" I saw Charlie grimace out of the corner of my eye.

"Bella, maybe you should—" Edward called from his position next to Charlie. But I didn't want to hear it; I was too angry. Ignoring him I stalked toward Jacob again, stopping a few feet in front of him.

"You can't come back here, like you have a right to me or my life, and start making demands, Jacob," I seethed. "I've seen her. I _know_ why." I stood firm as I confronted him, no longer interested in running away.

"I don't understand, Bella." He shook his head, and a frown drew deep lines across his forehead in confusion.

"I heard you," I hissed, massaging my aching palm with my thumb. "You told me you weren't happy—you made _me_ miserable. And for what? Something on the side? I may have sent the papers, but they were at your request, Jacob. Now that I've really seen the man that I married, I've never been happier to have been awake that night.

"For so long, I wished I hadn't heard you say those words, and for three months I hoped you'd talk to me. I stayed, out of a sense of duty. Of loyalty! What a fucking joke," I said, feeling my face twist into a sneer. My body gave an involuntary shudder, and Jacob reached out for me. I took an unsteady step back and glowered at him in disgust. He had touched me more than enough.

"Bella, I don't know what—"

"Don't treat me like an idiot!" I bellowed, and I was vaguely aware of Charlie trying to break free of Edward's hold. "She's here! You brought her here to my home! She came looking for me, and for no other reason than to rub your 'happy' news in my face," I finished, with a trace of sarcasm. The words tasted like poison in my mouth as the image of Tanya, swollen and radiant, seeped to the forefront of my mind.

Jealousy laced with anger twisted through my veins and almost crippled me where I was standing. She had my husband, my house, the baby I'd longed for, and my picture perfect life. What had she offered Jacob that I hadn't been able to give him in seven years?

"Shit," he muttered. "It's not like that, Bella. I came to Masen because it's all wrong. If I could take everything back, I would. I _need_ you in my life," he said desperately.

"You should have thought about that before you started fucking _her_." My voice was even and cold as I stared at him accusingly, clenching my fists in an effort to stop them from shaking.

"I told you it was complicated…" he trailed off. "I never said I didn't love you, that I don't _still_ love you." His eyes held mine, and I felt sick again.

"Shut up," I seethed. "Love me? This is how you treat someone you love? She's having your baby, Jacob. She's having your baby when you didn't want mine." I couldn't stop the tears of anger that started to spill down my cheeks.

"Bella, baby," Jacob took a step forward, reaching for me as he did. "Please don't cry. It kills me to see you upset."

""No!" I shouted, my voice feeling hoarse as I pointed my finger in his face. "You did this. This is on you."

"Just let me explain," he begged.

"Why? Why _her_? I could have given you everything. Hell, I _did_ give you everything!" I accused. Jacob's eyes shifted, the blood rising under his skin, and I could see his pleading was finally giving way to his own anger and frustration.

"You don't understand!" Jacob yelled back. "She would've ruined us. I'd have lost everything." I laughed, not sure if he realized how crazy what he was saying actually sounded.

"_We_ are ruined, Jacob. _You_ have lost everything. What've you got left?" I asked him, finally understanding that as I stood, falling to pieces in my father's yard, I still had _everything_.

"My business is still standing, at least I have that," Jacob fired back.

"Your business?" He was making no sense.

"I had no choice," he defended, and with those words my restraint snapped.

"No choice? No fucking choice?" I screamed, stepping forward and raising my arms, pounding my fists hard on his chest. He allowed my outburst for a few moments before grabbing my wrists and yanking me toward his body.

"I'll kill you, you son of a bitch!" Charlie yelled. "Get your hands off of my daughter!"

"Enough!" Edward said sternly, at the same time that Charlie spoke. "Let her go." Edward released Charlie then, and both men stepped forward menacingly.

"Fuck off, Masen. You don't own Bella anymore than you own this town," Jacob tormented, releasing my arms. I wasn't surprised to see a fist fly past my face, sending Jacob sprawling onto his back with a split lip. It was no less than he deserved. I turned around as Edward's voice carried urgently between us.

"Charlie, leave him—he's down, shake it off."

"Daddy, your hand!" My eyes widened in shock to see Charlie's split knuckles and his enraged face. I'd never seen my father so angry.

"That's it, Bella. Run back to your daddy. Takin' you out of this town was a mistake anyway." I watched Jacob wipe at the blood on his mouth, staring up at the three of as with disdain on his face.

"You don't mean that," I whispered sadly before I could stop myself.

"Doors have opened for me now. You only ever held me back." He got to his feet, dusting off his pants, and I stumbled back into Charlie, desperate to put some distance between me and Jacob's hateful words.

"I loved you." The words left my throat in an anguished croak, and I clutched onto Charlie's hands, my nails biting into his burst skin.

"That's enough. You'd better leave," Edward said, putting himself between Jacob and me. His arm curled backward, as if shielding us both from Jacob, but it made no difference, the damage was done. "Take her inside, Charlie."

No one moved.

"Charlie?" Edward turned his face. Charlie lifted me into his arms awkwardly, and I was glad of the support. I wasn't sure I'd have made it to the house by myself.

"Get off my property, boy. Don't make me come back out here."

Charlie carried me to my room—the light and warm space betraying my emotions as I reflected on the events of the day.

It had all been too much.

Tanya. Jacob. The baby. Being confronted by it all.

As I slipped into the welcoming darkness of sleep, I heard the sound of tires tearing at the driveway and the muted sound of the front door closing. It was over. It had to be. I had nothing left to give, and no more to take.

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A/N: The next update will be for RoH: A Slice of Hope and is a peek inside Jacob's head. It will hopefully be up next Saturday (on or close to 11th.) Teasers will be back in the usual places too. Thanks for being so patient and for reading.

**Music Mojo: Life Left to Go by SafetySuit**


	13. Suffering

**A/N: I couldn't post these chapters without miztrezboo and annanabanana, so thank you, ladies.**

**Chapter Music: Hope for the Hopeless by A Fine Frenzy **

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Chapter 13: Suffering**

**:: Charlie ::**

Standing in front of the fridge, I sighed for the umpteenth time. My feet were freezing from the kitchen tiles and the chill off the open door; I had no idea how long I'd been staring at the contents. The light shining from it hit the clock on the wall and I saw that it was a little after two. I reached for the piece of apple pie that Alice had left in there earlier, and sat down at the kitchen table in the dark. I poked at the crust with my fork, watching as the pastry flaked under the slightest pressure.

Forking some of the filling into my mouth, I chewed slowly, and for the first time since Bella had left Masen for Phoenix, I struggled to swallow the stewed apple.

I could hear Bella whimpering in her room for the second night in a row. Hear her tossing and turning as she slept fitfully through another nightmare. I had tried to comfort her when they'd begun, but she hadn't let me. Bella was pushing us all away, isolating us out of her life again, only this time she wasn't moving a thousand miles across country to do it. She wouldn't let me in, she wouldn't talk to me, and I was still at a loss on how to fix it.

I carried the rest of the pie to the sink and scraped it into the waste disposal. "Sorry, Ally." My apology was a mumble she'd never hear, but it eased my guilt a little.

In a couple of hours the day would be starting. The birds would be up, and the fish would be biting. An hour or so after that, Emmett would be getting the diner ready for the breakfast rush—if you could call it that. Next would be Rose rallying her first graders, followed by Alice opening the store. Jasper and Edward would be busy at the bar all day, seeing to a delivery and clearing out the cellar.

I would be by myself.

I couldn't expect them to put their lives on hold because of the mess that Jacob had left to clean up. They had jobs and responsibilities, just like Bella was mine. Renee would have known what to do. She was always so good with Bella. As Bella had grown up, her mom had known exactly what to do or say to make her feel better.

As I stared out of the window and into the darkness, I knew I'd have to try harder. Try to make Bella see sense. Try to get her to talk to someone—anyone. Try and get her out of her goddamned bed. Because I knew, if I didn't do something, that's where she'd stay until she lost all hope.

~oOo~

I stood breathing heavily in the yard, the wooden handle twisting in my hands and the old stump at my feet. But after almost a week, there was nothing left to chop. Exhaling hard, I swung the axe over my head and down into the scored and nicked wood.

"You gonna be able to pull that back out, Chief?" Jasper asked, drinking a mouthful of his lemonade as he sat on the grass, his elbows propped on his knees. I grunted back, knowing that it was safer stuck where it was.

I'd been trying. I'd stayed in Bella's room, only for her to ignore me. I'd watched her stare out of the window as if I wasn't even there.

"How long are we gonna leave her like this, Charlie?" Alice asked as she walked out of the house. Her eyes were red and her cheeks were pink, and I knew she was hurting too.

"I don't know, Ally. The doc said if she's not any better in another week to give him a call and he'd write out a script." I wiped the sweat off my forehead with my sleeve. "But I can't get her to eat anything; she's not gonna take a pill."

We'd come full circle and it was just like when she had first arrived back in Masen. I took her food, she ignored it. I opened her drapes and windows, she pulled her duvet over her head. Bella had changed into her pajamas at some point through that first night, but she hadn't changed out of them or showered since we'd run Jacob out of town.

Alice had been over most days to check up on her, and Edward had stayed the occasional night, too. Jasper popped in through the day when Alice was at the store, and Emmett and Rose swung by when they could, but I was trying not to rely on any of them too heavily.

"She'll come 'round, Charlie. We just have to give her some time," Alice said, helping Jasper to his feet.

"I need to go and open the bar, Chief, but Emmett and Rose'll be by once the diner's closed." Jasper clapped his hand on my shoulder and offered a sympathetic smile before they left.

~oOo~

I threw my keys on the kitchen table, wondering how long Edward had been upstairs for. I'd only been down at the boat for forty minutes but I hadn't heard him arrive. I pulled the fresh pitcher of lemonade out of the fridge and put it on the side. When Rose and Emmett had stopped in last night, they'd brought dinner and pie, and just like old times, Rose had stocked my freezer so I had one less thing to worry about.

Edward's feet sounded on the stairs and through the hallway before shuffling to a stop behind me, and I poured us both a glass of McCarty's Lemonade.

"How's she doin'?" I asked, drinking eagerly. It was another warm day, and I'd worked up a thirst tinkering with the engine and trying to keep busy.

"I'm not even sure she knew I was there," Edward said, reaching for his glass. It had been the same when I'd taken her breakfast this morning.

"Still buried under her duvet, huh?"

"Pretty much."

I sat down at the kitchen table, dropping my head to my hands.

"I should've never let her marry him. When he came to me and asked, I should've said no."

"You couldn't know this would happen, Charlie."

"No, but I knew what he was like—even in high school. The parties at Billy's, the girls. I busted him more than once in the back of his goddamn car! How do I know any of that stopped once he got to college? Once he talked Bella into going with him?" I could feel the anger rising in my body as I thought about what Black had put Bella through. "No, I knew what he was like and I still let it happen. It's my job to protect her. After her mom— " my voice broke off. I had failed her. My little girl was broken because I had let her down.

"I'm all she's got, and I let this happen," I concluded, suddenly feeling defeated. I heard Edward's glass against the counter and the scrape of the chair across from mine as he lowered himself into it.

"Charlie, you're a good father. There's nothing you could have done to change this." Edward's voice was level and insistent, and when I looked into his eyes, they were determined and honest. "When everyone else left for college and I stayed here with my grandfather, it was your strength and guidance that got me through the tough times. And since they all came home to Masen, you've been there for each of them, too."

"Don't mean shit if I can't help my own flesh and blood."

"Don't do that," he reprimanded. "Don't dismiss years of being my friend, and of being like a second dad to me—and to Alice." I held his gaze and his tone changed, softening somewhat. "Bella has to process this in her own way, in her own time. It's hard for us all to watch, but if we try and force her, she'll just end up stickin' a band-aid over the wound, and sufferin' to please us. She needs to let the air in, Charlie. Needs to let it heal. Bella knows we're here for her.

"When she needs us—when she's ready—she'll let us back in," he concluded, though as he spoke, his forehead puckered as if it pained him as much as it did me to leave Bella up in her room.

"And what if she doesn't? What if she doesn't know when it's time?"

"_Then_ we'll step in. If she can't find her feet, we'll catch her, but she needs to feel this first."

I knew he was right, but that didn't mean I had to like it.

~oOo~

I knew Bella was awake. Her breathing had changed about twenty minutes ago. I hadn't moved, sitting perfectly still on her old daybed, waiting for her to do _something_. That didn't mean that she hadn't heard me opening her drapes and windows.

"I know you're awake, sweetheart." She stopped breathing, and I chuckled under my breath for the first time in days. "That didn't even work when you were a kid." I heard her release the breath slowly.

"I brought you some breakfast," I said, sitting forward with the plate in my hands. She was going to eat today, I wasn't taking no for an answer. "It's just some fruit and a little juice, but it's all fresh."

"No thanks," she muttered, her voice muffled by the duvet. My hands tightened on the plate and for a moment I worried that I might break it.

"That's not an option today, Bella."

"I'm not hungry." All the while she spoke with her duvet over her head.

"I don't care if you're hungry or not. You haven't eaten in days. You need to put something in your system."

"Just leave it then. I'll eat it later. I promise."

"Bella, God help me, you'll eat something right now, or I ain't leavin' this room!" I raised my voice as I marched over to her bed, angry at the easy lies she told. I knew if I left it she wouldn't eat a thing. It would waste, just like the rest had.

Bella threw off her sheets, kicking her legs out from the tangled mess while she pushed her knotted hair off her forehead. For the most part, her face was pale and grey looking, though her cheeks were a blotching pink and her eyes were bloodshot from her obvious crying. Her bottom lip was cracked and so raw in places that it was clear to see it had bled at some point during the last couple of days.

She was a mess, and it was breaking my heart.

Bella reached for the plate, snatching it out of my hand, and began forcing slices of banana and strawberries into her mouth, along with raspberries and grapes. I stood, staring at her in shock as she half swallowed, half choked down, lumps of fruit.

"Sweetheart, stop." I tried to pull the plate from her but she yanked it back.

"Is this what you want from me?" she garbled, tears flowing from her sad brown eyes.

"Bella, stop!" She let me take the plate this time, but not before scooping up another handful of fruit. "I just don't want you to give up. I can give you your space, but you need to keep up your strength," I tried to reason as she squeezed the banana through her fingers, letting her nails bite into her palm.

"Stop pushing me, please," she begged, coughing and gagging. She should have eaten it slowly; her stomach hadn't been expecting such a harsh assault. She clambered off the bed, smearing fruit into the sheets, staining them pink from the berries, and ran for the door. "Why can't you all just leave me alone?" A minute later the bathroom door slammed shut and I could hear her retching echo down the hall.

With a defeated sigh I began to strip her sheets.

~oOo~

As I was standing, washing dishes, laughter sounded through the front door. "Hey, Charlie," Alice called out.

"In here, Ally."

Rose and Alice both walked into the kitchen laden with grocery bags, dropping them on the table and the center island. "You girls are gonna have to stop doin' this."

"Hush now," Rose scolded, walking to me and kissing me on the cheek.

"Thank you," I said, and while I finished washing, she began to dry and Alice put the food away in the pantry and the fridge.

"How's Bella today?" Rose asked.

"Last time I checked, she'd made it out to the balcony. She was sitting in her grandma's rocker, staring out at the lake."

"That's good, Charlie," Alice enthused. "Edward said she hadn't been out of bed." No one but Edward knew about Bella's meltdown yesterday, and I was planning on keeping it that way. It wasn't that I was keen to keep secrets, but enough people were hurting already and nothing stood to be gained from sharing it with anyone else.

"Yeah, well, one step at a time."

"That's why we're here." Alice folded the last of the bags and tucked them away in a drawer. "You're meeting the boys at Whitlock's, and Bella's taking a bath." She scrunched up her nose and made a face. "It's pretty ripe up there, Charlie," she whispered out the side of her mouth, her eyes sparkling, and I couldn't help but laugh at her playfulness despite the situation.

"Go on, get out of here." Rose whipped the towel against my thigh.

"You girls are angels," I said as I grabbed my keys off the wall hook. I hadn't realized it until they'd arrived, but a break away from the house was exactly what I needed.

~oOo~

"Chief! I've got a cold one sittin' right here for you," Emmett hollered as soon as I walked into the bar, and I hunkered down onto the stool in front of my traditional lemonade. It wasn't McCarty's homemade, but it was a close second.

"How's our girl doin'," Jasper asked, sliding two beers over the bar toward Emmett.

"Better today," I replied, taking a mouthful out of my glass. Edward joined us then, taking a seat on the other side of Emmett and reaching for one of the beers. "She made it out to the balcony this afternoon."

"Fresh air _and_ sunshine! That's a big step," Emmett said as he toasted his beer in the air toward me. I nodded my head noncommittally, catching Edward's eyes as he grimaced.

"Come on, Chief, shake it off. Black's gone—we made sure of that. You should be focusin' on what Bella needs now." Jasper usually was the voice of reason.

"She needed me to castrate him," I ground out through clenched teeth.

"Charlie, that ain't gonna help matters," Emmett said quietly, trying not to provoke me.

"Maybe not, but it'd make me feel better." I forced a laugh through my nose and swallowed another mouthful of lemonade.

"At least you got one good punch in," Edward retorted.

"What?" Emmett thumped his bottle down onto the bar and turned to glare at me. I shrugged and avoided his eyes by focusing on the mirror running along the back of the liquor bottles behind the bar.

"You kept that little gem to yourself, Chief." Jasper stepped into my line of vision and raised his eyebrows at me.

"He was grabbin' at Bella. You'd have done the same thing," I defended.

"Just one swing? That's all you got?" Emmett grunted, picking his beer back up. "Black's damn lucky I'd left before he got there."

"Knocked him clean on his ass though," Edward laughed. "Went down hard, too."

I remembered back to the three of us—Jasper, Emmett and me—standing in the motel parking lot while Black packed up his stuff, making sure he was going to leave. It was probably just as well neither of them had known about how he'd pulled and grabbed at Bella. Those boys would have torn him apart. As it was, I barely held it together, and only because I wasn't lowering myself to brawling with him in front of a pregnant woman. Even if she did deserve to see him have his ass handed to him.

"You think he's stupid enough to come back?" Emmett asked.

"Oh, he's stupid enough all right," Jasper replied before I could say anything. "His dad's still here after all." He started stacking glasses behind the bar. It was still early, but his regulars would be drifting in before the hour was up.

"Yeah, well, Billy lives just outside of town. If Black knows what's good for him, he won't wander off his daddy's ranch while he's here." Emmett's voice was full of unspoken promise. I knew that if he saw Jacob in town again, Emmett wouldn't think twice about making him pay for touching Bella.

He toasted his beer again and signaled to Jasper for another round. I let out a steady breath knowing that Bella was in good hands with Alice and Rose, and that I could relax for a couple of hours, before heading home to do it all again.

I'd always taught Bella that revenge was never the answer to any problems. She should always ignore her aggressors, turn the other cheek if provoked, and always try to be nice. Because maybe there was a little kindness missing from the lives of those who tried to make hers difficult, and she had plenty to spare. It was always harder to be mean to someone sweet. I knew Edward and Jasper had given her some trouble from time to time, but boys will be boys. They'd never meant any harm, and for the most part Bella's sweetness won out and she was left alone.

Although those were the values I'd raised Bella with, I'd been ready to take my pound of flesh out of Jacob—or let Emmett, Jasper or Edward have their shot.

Maybe revenge would've made me feel better in the short term, but when it was all said and done, Bella would still be no better off.

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A/N: This is the last update until after the New Year. I hope you all enjoy your holidays; drink responsibly, travel safe and wrap up warm if you need to. As always, thank you for reading.**

**Mojo Music: Hibernate by Michelle Featherstone**


	14. Emmett

**A/N: Thanks to miztrezboo and annanbanana who both loved Emmett. I couldn't, and wouldn't, update without them.**

**I hope you all enjoyed your holidays. Mine were quiet and not nearly productive enough, lol.**

**Chapter Music: Dare You to Move by Switchfoot**

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**Chapter 14: Emmett**

**:: Emmett ::**

"I'm sorry, Maggie. I don't know how I got the orders mixed up," Rosie said, and I could tell she was stressing about making a mistake. We'd been short handed since Bella had been off, and while Rosie had been helping out when she could, I wasn't about to replace Bella. I knew she'd be back when she was ready, and I was going to make sure her job would be here waiting for her.

"It's okay, Rose. No harm done. Mrs. McKenna will still get her fries and ice cream—totally gross, by the way—and Brady's steak and eggs is already cooking, right, Em?" Maggie called through the window into the kitchen.

"Sure is, Maggie." I turned to Rosie and flashed her a grateful smile. "You're doing great, baby. Do you know how much I love you?"

"Yes, but you can tell me again." She leaned through the divide and kissed me sweetly.

"I love you, always," I murmured against her lips just as the bell chimed over the door. Edward's hand was thrust in his hair and his other was stuck in his pocket as he walked to the counter.

"This should be good," Rosie whispered as she saw him out of the corner of her eye.

"Yeah," I sighed. "Hold down the fort, Maggie?"

"You know I will, Em," she assured me. I kissed Rosie again and headed out of the kitchen toward the counter, where Edward had settled. I pulled one of the bottles of home brewed lemonade out of the fridge and grabbed a couple of glasses before making my way around the counter and sitting down next to him.

As the cloudy liquid filled each glass, I was reminded of days gone by when Ally and I would stand in Grams' kitchen, watching her make a batch for the diner. It was a tradition passed down from one generation to the next, and I couldn't help but think of my childhood whenever I sat down to a glass.

I fingered the quarters stuck on the counter, waiting for Edward to speak first. He'd talk when he was ready, no sense in rushing him.

The easy hustle of the diner continued around us for over twenty minutes. Rosie laughed with our regulars, while Maggie took orders and cleared tables with Riley. I wanted to ask how Bella was doing, knowing that's where Edward had come from, but I knew better than to try and force small talk.

I poured second glasses for us both when we'd drained our lemonade, and I reached over to the cobbler on the counter, lifting off the glass lid and cutting off a slice to slide in front of Edward. Cutting myself a slice of Ally's pie, we both ate in silence, watching each other in the mirror behind the counter.

"Thanks, Maggie," I muttered, when she walked by to clear our empty plates, not stopping or interrupting the quiet lingering between Edward and me.

"She's not gettin' any better." Edward sighed, taking a mouthful out of his glass.

"Thought she'd been outside?" Sure it had only been the balcony, but it'd been a start.

"That was almost a week ago." Edward shook his head. "Charlie says she's back to stayin' in bed again, and if it weren't for Alice goin' over to get her showered each day…" He dropped his head into his hands and ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at the roots.

"So what're we gonna do? We can't just leave her. Charlie said he'd have to get the doc involved if she didn't snap out of it."

"Yeah, and we know that Doc Garrett means well, but we can't let that happen, Em. We need Bella back as _Bella_, not as some medicated version of herself." Edward's voice was strained as he pressed his palms flat on the surface of the counter.

"You're closest to the Chief," I said. I meant nothing by it, it was just the truth. I knew Charlie had always been there when Edward had needed any extra help with his grandpa. "Maybe you could—"

"It has to be you, Em. It can't be me," he reasoned, shaking his head. "I can't be _that_ guy." Edward dragged his hand through his hair again, fisting his other on the counter. "I can't be her rebound."

He stared at me, his eyes full of anguish. It was the same look Ally'd had on her face when she'd told me that she'd moved in with Jasper.

Fear. Pain. Desperation.

"You want more than that, don't you?" I realized, finally understanding what Rosie had been saying since we'd left Whitlock's the night I'd tossed Burton on his ass.

"I don't know what I want." His eyes shifted and I rolled mine. "But I know I can't have whatever it is if I'm her hero. I'd never know if it was because she felt _something_, or if she just felt…I don't know," he finished, defeated.

I'd never seen him so confused. Edward was a straight up kinda guy—what you saw, was what you got. He'd lay down for a friend, he'd stop to help a stranger, and he'd never lie or cheat. If Edward felt that he couldn't be the one to help Bella now, then he had a damn good reason for it, and I wasn't about to question him or demand an explanation.

"Hey, it's fine, Eddie. Course I'll go. Bella's family. You both are." He nodded his head in appreciation, and I clapped my hand on his shoulder. We fell back into an effortless silence as we stared at our half filled glasses, and I again began to run my fingers around the edges of the quarters.

"How come you never scraped those off, or replaced the counter, anyway?" Edward asked as he nodded his head at the coins. I laughed, happy that he seemed a little more relaxed.

"Same reason I never repaired the chip outta the end booth when you and Jasper scuffled over the last slice of cobbler, senior year. And the same reason why I haven't sanded down the initials Rosie carved in a heart out in the store room. Just like the rest of us, Ally and Baby Bell left a piece of themselves right here on my counter," I said, running my fingertips fondly over the warmed metal. "I never wanna lose that."

"How'd you—"

"I ain't stupid." I laughed, remembering back to the ear-lashing dad had given me for not paying attention while someone 'defiled his diner.' "Ally was pickin' glue off her fingers for days. And damn sure—where there was one, there was the other."

Edward chuckled, drinking the last of his lemonade. "Bella doesn't think you know."

"I know that. Let's keep this between you and me. I kinda like them thinkin' they have their secret." Edward shrugged. "And don't worry about Bella. I'll go and speak to her."

"Thanks, Em."

"Family, Eddie. Anything for family."

~oOo~

As soon as I let myself in, I could hear crying carrying down through the house. I'd seen Charlie out on the lake and I knew that Bella was up there alone. I steeled myself for what I knew I'd have to do. This would stop today.

I took the stairs two at a time, hoping that the adrenaline would help me keep my resolve. Both Ally and Bella had always had a way of forcing me to my knees with the simplest of looks and I was determined that today would be different. It had to be.

I paused outside of Bella's bedroom, one hand gripping the door handle, the other placed flat against the wood. I could hear her broken sobs and hiccoughs, and it made my chest ache. I knew what she'd look like as soon as I walked into her room. I'd seen it before almost fifteen years ago. I'd watched helplessly while she grieved over the loss of her mom, Ally mourning at her side, lost and afraid, scared of the world and what the future would hold.

Course, Bella had been less jaded back then. Sure her momma was gone, but she embraced the love others offered without hesitation. My mom had always been like a second mother to Bella, and over time, Bella had allowed her to fill the void Renee had left. I'd always tried to look out for her and Ally in equal measure, and there wasn't a pinky promise in the county that the two of them hadn't made at least a hundred times.

Blood wasn't important in a small town like Masen. Your promise was as strong as your bond; your faith was as tried as a parent's patience; and your love was as certain as the rising sun. We were all family, and we protected each other.

The door opened easily as I twisted the handle and stepped over the threshold. I walked across the room and threw open the drapes, followed by each of the windows in turn and finally the balcony doors.

"Not right now, dad," Bella begged, her voice tense and ropey. I clenched my fists at my sides and inhaled deeply through my nose. As I placed one steady foot in front of the other, I heard a defeated sigh, followed by another weak sob.

"It's now or never, Bella, and I won't take no for an answer."

The noise that escaped from under Bella's duvet was something between a gasp and a hiccup.

"Go away, Emmett," she wailed after a moment. It was a horrendous sound. If I'd been less of a man, I might have fled. But I'd been raised right. I could lend a friendly ear, and God knew I had shoulders wide enough for crying on.

"I ain't leavin', Bella. Not this time." I sat down on the edge of her bed and tugged at her duvet. She fought back, keeping it tucked over her head. "I don't wanna hurt you, Baby Bell, come on," I coaxed. She kept her grip on the cotton for a minute longer before finally releasing her hold and allowing me to pull it back and see her face.

She'd lost weight. More than was healthy, I was sure. Her eyes looked large and dark, set in her pale face, but there was no life there. I watched as Bella's chin trembled and she wiped at her eyes with her fingers.

"Is he really worth all this, Bella?" I asked quietly.

"None of you understand," Bella said, her voice hollow, as more tears spilled silently down her cheeks.

"No? So talk to us. Talk to _me_," I begged. "Let us help you!" Bella sat up quickly, her eyes suddenly fierce, and her hair falling around her face.

"Just leave, Emmett," she said forcefully as she shoved at my arm and chest. From her position, Bella couldn't budge me, and I moved to grasp her hands. "No!" She held up a finger and pointed it right at me. If it wasn't for the fact that this was the first time since Black had left that I'd seen any fire in her, the image might have been funny. Bella shifted awkwardly onto her knees and pushed me hard on the shoulder. I stood up and stared down at her.

"Fine, we'll do this the hard way." As I left her room, I heard her yelling after me.

"And tell the others not to bother coming back either."

The bathroom was already warm and bright when I walked in. The windows were open and the sun was shining in, reflecting off the mirror. Pulling back the curtain around the bath, I reached in and started the shower, letting the cold water run through before taking off the chill by adding a little warm water to the mix. With another deep breath, I turned and walked back to Bella's room. I set my jaw and clenched my teeth, flexing my fists at my sides as I walked.

"What are you doing?" she sort of sob-sighed.

"We could've done this the easy way, Baby Bell. But you pushed. Well this is me pushin' back. You ain't gonna spend the rest of your life wastin' over that sack of shit." I stood staring at her. She could have one more chance. "Get up."

"Get. Out." Her eyes burned into mine and I laughed.

"Fine. You had your chance, Bella." In three strides I was at her bedside. Her eyes darted across my face in mild panic and I felt my chest stutter in hesitation. Her look wouldn't work this time. With a quick shake of my head, I wrapped my arms around Bella's back and hoisted her up from the bed.

"What the hell, Emmett?"

"Stop your squirmin'. I don't wanna drop you." I hitched her over my shoulder and tightened my grip over the back of her legs as she shrieked at me. I was never more pleased that the Chief was out of the house. I felt Bella fall against my back and the sound of her palms smacking off the denim of my jeans echoed through the room and down the hall. "Quit it, will ya?"

The spray of the shower got louder as we approached the bathroom and Bella changed her tactics by gripping onto my t-shirt.

"Please don't," she whispered feebly. My steps faltered as her tiny body began to shake against my own large frame.

"Come on, Bella. Play fair." I was pretty sure she was just trying to press my buttons—the woman knew damn fine which ones to aim for, even after all these years—but she was fragile, and I knew I'd have to watch what I was doing.

I suddenly wished that I'd thought to stop and pick up Jasper on the way over. He was the people person, always listening from his side of the bar. I was the joker, the light relief. What did I know about people's feelings and getting them to open up?

"Don't do this, Emmy, please." Hearing Bella's old nickname for me, sounded out as a broken sob, just about winded me. But it was all the encouragement I needed. She was as good as my sister, maybe not by blood, but that didn't matter. She looked up to me and relied on me. If she couldn't count on me now, then we'd all just might as well stay away and never come back.

I pulled Bella down my body. "It's for the best, trust me," I whispered, running a soothing hand up her back and cradling her head. I lowered her into the bath, sitting her under the lukewarm water, before finally falling to my knees beside the tub. Bella reached for me and her nails dug into the skin of my forearm. "We'll sit here as long as it takes," I told her.

The sound of the water hitting the edges of the bath made a muted sort of _plink_ and mingled easily with my deep breathing and Bella's shallow stutters. We sat in that same way for over fifteen minutes—me leaning against the cool metal of the bath, and Bella with her knees tucked into her chest. Just as I began to worry that she'd get sick on top of everything else, she finally spoke.

"I can't do it."

"Sure you can, just talk," I prompted. "It's only me. Just the same old Emmett." I peered at her through the wet hair that had matted itself to the sides of her face and offered her a hopeful smile.

"No, I mean…" she spluttered, biting her lip. "I mean, I can't do it anymore." Bella wiped her hands down her face, and trickles of water followed the path her fingertips had traveled. "I've lost seven years of myself to this whole mess. If I started again, I'd be over thirty before I got to here. That's too late."

"Too late for what, Bella?" I followed her to a point. Rosie and I had been together since junior year. If anything happened to her, there'd be nothing left for me, I'd be done. But it was hard for me to get my head around. I needed her to explain it to me.

"Once I really thought about it, I didn't mind so much about putting aside a career. In the end, all I wanted was to raise a family in a small town, just like my parents. What could be better than that, right? They were so happy, so in love with each other, it was like they needed each other to breath. I wanted to sit on the porch and watch Charlie play with his grandkids; I wanted us _all_ to be happy. But now it's all gone. I can't keep cycling through it. It's going to be too late for me. I'm going to be sitting on that porch alone."

"Bella, you'll find someone else. Someone better than Jacob. Hell, maybe he'll find you, when you ain't even lookin'." I thought back to Edward's face, twisted in agony and hurting over the fact that Bella was heartbroken, and I knew that maybe someone already had.

"I don't care about Jacob, Em," Bella sniffled, shaking her head and resting her cheek against her knees. "I've been thinking since I've been home, and I'm not sure I even wanted to marry _him_. I think it was the _idea_ of being married, that I got swept up in. My high school sweetheart, only ever being with one person, moving away from home. The more time I spend here, the more I wonder if I ever even really loved Jacob Black. But I loved the promise of a baby—something that would be ours.

"It hurts that I wasn't enough for him, but it's the fact that he gave away _my_ dream of a future, the idea of a family. He gave _her_ a family, Emmy, and that's what makes it hard for me to breath," she finished, as more tears spilled over her cheeks and mingled with the running water.

I couldn't bear it anymore. She was right; none of us had any idea. We had spent all this time thinking she was devastated by Black's infidelity. None of us had considered the fact that she might be upset over the loss of possibilities. I stood up, wiping the back of my hand across my eyes, and carefully hooked my hands under Bella's arms. She slipped a little as I pulled her to her feet, and she steadied herself with her hands on my biceps.

"There's still time for you, I promise," I said softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"What if this was my one chance?" Her little body shook as I stroked her arms.

"It wasn't," I assured her. I turned off the water and draped a towel around Bella's shoulders before wrapping my arms around her and lifting her out of the bath.

We stood in the middle of the bathroom, in the warmth of the sun, listening to the birds outside while she cried quietly in my arms, soaking me with her dripping clothes and her tears. She leaned heavily against my chest and I tightened my hold across her back.

"Catch me," she whispered.

"Bella?" I twisted my head down to look at her, not sure if I'd heard her right. Her shoulders shook as she continued to let go in my arms.

"I'm falling, Em. I need you to catch me." Her voice was thick and pleading, and I raised my hand to the top of her head to stroke her hair.

"You can count on me, Baby Bell. We're all here to catch you."

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A/N: Posts over the next couple of months will be every 10 days to two weeks depending on RL. I'll be posting teasers on my blog only so head on over and subscribe for those titbits or you'll miss out. As always, thank you for reading and, for those of you who still do, for reviewing too. I know I'm fail with my replies but I read and cherish every one.**

**Mojo music: Place to Hide by Lucie Silvas -and- Yellow by Jem (Coldplay Cover)**


	15. The Clearing

**A/N: Thank you to miztrezboo and annanabanana for all that they do.**

**Chapter Music: Gotta Have You by The Weepies**

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Chapter 15: The Clearing**

**:: Edward ::**

"Stop fussing, woman."

"Lie still and this wouldn't take as long, old man." The teasing bickering between my grandpa and Carmen filtered through to the kitchen as I paced in front of the table.

"How long does he have, Doc?" I asked, lacing my fingers behind the back of my head, and bracing myself as best I could.

"Edward," he began, and I shook my head at his tone. I didn't need soft and gentle.

"Just tell me like it is."

"Not long. I can't be exact. A few weeks, maybe less."

I stopped my pacing and tugged at my hair, a dull ache rising in my chest as a muffled groan vibrated through my throat. I needed more time; I wasn't ready yet.

"I've adjusted his medication again," Doc Garrett continued, speaking through my haze, "and he'll be comfortable. Your grandfather won't be in any pain."

Silence fell over the kitchen long enough for me to hear Carmen reading _Tom Sawyer_ in the sunroom, and I sank down on to one of the chairs at the kitchen table. Aro hadn't been able to get out of bed for the last two days; he was too weak to move. Doc Garrett had agreed that keeping him at home was better than hospitalizing him at this stage, so we had moved him into his favorite room in the house. Aro had always felt closer to my grandma there.

"Don't change anything else, Edward. It's important that he keeps to his normal routine," the doc advised. I nodded numbly, unable to absorb what he was saying. I knew he'd spoken to Carmen earlier; she already knew everything we needed to know.

In just a few short weeks, my only surviving family would be gone. I'd be the last of the Masen line, and while I knew I wouldn't be alone, I would feel my grandpa's absence.

There was a wistful irony to be found in the fact that although he'd not really been here—not as I remembered him anyway—for a while now, I could still find comfort in his physical presence. The scolding tone he took with Carmen, his carefree laughter, and even the smile that appeared at whatever he was reliving in his mind. My grandpa's appreciation of life's simplicities—the warmth of the sun on his face, a stray butterfly entering through a window, the adventures of Tom and Huck—reminded me that Doc Garrett was right.

Aro was comfortable, and despite my own heartache, he was still somewhat happy.

"We'll be fine," I assured him. "Thanks for all you've done."

"You've got my number if you need me. Anytime, day or night." With a final nod, he slipped from the kitchen and left me to my thoughts.

~oOo~

It had been three days since I'd seen Bella, and although I'd spent almost every moment with Aro, I realized I was starting to miss her. Standing over my workbench, with the sun against my back, I was reminded of the week Bella and I had spent out on the Miller's ranch fixing their barn. I enjoyed my job; being my own boss, and working by myself had its perks, but spending the week with Bella had been something else.

I could have had the work finished in three days, if I'd been there on my own, but after Bella's minor accident on our first day, three days had turned into six and a half. She was a distraction, I couldn't deny it. I hadn't known what to tell Emmett when he had quizzed me in the diner almost two weeks ago, but if he asked me again now, I'd be able to tell him exactly what I wanted. I knew Bella wasn't ready, that I couldn't rush her, but if something was meant to happen for us, I could wait.

I rubbed harder at the wood under my hands, smoothing the finish and enhancing the grain. I'd been at it all morning, enjoying the breeze as it blew up off the river and through the surrounding trees. Stopping to measure another length of wood, the distinct sound of Alice's old Jetta broke through the stillness. I watched as she pulled up behind my truck and climbed out carefully with her hands full.

"Hey, Ally," I called, wiping my arm across my brow. "Whatcha got for me?"

"Rose sends her love," she said, smiling and raising the deep dish in offering when she reached the porch steps. I pulled off my worn work gloves and tried to take the cobbler from Alice but she dismissed my attempts—with her elbow—and walked past me, heading for the kitchen. Within minutes she rejoined me, empty handed, and sat down on the top step.

"The house is comin' along nicely."

"Yeah. There's not much left to do now. Just a few windows to replace around back, and the rest of the porch to finish," I said, gesturing to the wood I'd been working on since the sun had risen. I was running it along the south wall of the house and had a little under half left to do. "That said, I think the plumbin' needs checked again, too. There's a leak in the kitchen…" I trailed off, wondering how much longer I'd be living in the old house anyway.

"Well, I think you've done a great job, Eddie. When I think back to what it used to look like—" Alice stopped suddenly, deep in thought as her fingers traced the spindles of the railing running up the steps.

She was right; the house had been in ruins. I'd had to strip most of it out and rebuild a lot of it. New walls on the north and east sides, new flooring throughout, and I'd replaced a third of the roofing too. The pipes had seemed okay, although in hindsight, I should have ripped them out when I had the chance. The work had taken over four years—between paying jobs—but I'd done it myself. This small house, on the west side of the Masen estate, was mine.

"A really great job. You should be so proud," Alice continued.

I smiled in appreciation and sat down on the step below her, stretching my legs out toward the overgrown grass. The front of the house opened up into a large clearing, dotted with trees, before sloping off down to the river. I watched as the wind toyed with the dandelion clocks growing there in abundance, not strong enough to pull the heads free and scatter the seeds.

"So what's been keepin' you outta town anyway?" she asked. Alice never liked to sit in silence for too long.

"Aro's gettin' worse," I replied, turning around to look at her and squinting as the sunlight cast through the tops of the trees. "Doc says it won't be much longer now."

"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry." Alice reached out and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, hugging me awkwardly from behind. We sat like that for over ten minutes, just breathing and thinking, before I pulled away.

"I'm gettin' a beer. You want anything?"

"Some lemonade if you have it?" she asked as I stood up.

"Sure. I'll be right back."

The smell of peaches was starting to filter through the house, and my stomach ached for a slice of Rose's cobbler. Settling for the beer, I grabbed a bottle from the fridge and poured Alice's drink before heading back out onto the porch.

"So what've I missed?" I asked, sitting back down and handing Alice her glass.

"Honestly? Just the same as always. Mom and daddy have decided to say in Florida longer than they originally planned, so of course, Emmett's in his element at the diner. Rose is workin' on lesson plans for when school starts back up again, and I've been boxin' up stock at the store ready for the new deliveries at the end of the month."

That was one of the things I loved about Masen; most people were content with their lives. They were happy to just go about their business without any of the drama that people like Jacob Black and his big-city-girlfriend seemed to need.

"And how's Bella doin'?" I asked, trying to sound casual as I took a pull from my beer.

Alice laughed softly. "She's still a little tender, but her bruisin's fadin' nicely. You should've known better than to have her up on the roof, Edward," Alice scolded playfully, clucking her tongue at me.

"You can't make me feel any worse than I already do, Ally. So stop teasin' me."

"Fine, but only 'cause I hate to see a grown man pout." She laughed again and finished her lemonade, leaving her glass on the porch and standing up.

"You leavin' already? You barely got here."

"I need to get to the bar. Jasper's gettin' all worked up over the fall dance this year. He's still gotta find a band, make up flyers, make sure the bar's staffed, and make sure he orders any extra decorations and props. He hates most of it, but the town loves it. What can he do?" Alice laughed as she spoke, and shrugged her shoulders while she walked back to her car. "Try not to be a stranger, Eddie. You still need to eat," she called over her shoulder before she climbed into her car and backed out through the trees.

I took Alice's empty glass back into the house and finished my beer on the way, helping myself to a second from the fridge. Finally giving into the smell of cobbler on the sideboard, I cut myself a large piece, sat at my kitchen table and ate. Soon after, I was back out on the porch cutting the wood I'd been measuring before Alice had arrived.

It was easy to lose track of time when I was working, and it wasn't until the sound of startled birds deserting branches echoed through the air that I realized the sun had started to dip in the sky. The wind had picked up since the early afternoon, rustling the leaves overhead but still unable to disturb the dandelions in the clearing.

Deciding to call it a day, I began packing up my tools, putting them away in the toolbox on my truck and stacking the wood alongside the house. It was then that I saw her.

On the edge of the clearing, down near the slope of the river and wandering out through the trees was Bella.

I wanted to call out to her, to let her know I was there and to ask how she was, but I couldn't find my voice. If I'd had any doubt about what I wanted over the last few days, it was gone now.

Her skin was flushed with a light sheen of sweat, and her boots were dusty, while the smallest hint of her shorts peeked out from under the strapless top she wore. As she walked through the long grass, Bella took off her hat, letting the hair she'd gather up in it fall free around her shoulders.

I lowered myself onto the porch steps, watching as Bella lifted her head to the sky. The wind circled again, catching her by surprise, and she let out a small shriek, the sound echoing off the trees. The breeze lifted Bella's hair and sent it twisting around her face, and as a gust blew from the other direction, this time rippling the fabric of her top, she laughed easily.

With her arms stretched out at her sides, Bella turned in slow circles, enjoying the cool, early evening air. Without warning, the wind changed again and this time blew hard, lifting the heads off the dandelions and scattering clouds of white seeds through the clearing. As if in slow motion, I watched the seeds almost dance in the air, twirling in a counter-clockwise direction before lifting higher still, or floating back to the grass.

Bella's laughter pulled my attention back to her, and it was only then that I saw she was covered in them. Dozens of the little white tufts were stuck in her hair, but her laughter continued.

I couldn't remember a time when I'd seen her like this—so happy and carefree. Even when we'd been on the Miller's Ranch it was like she was holding something back, like she was unsure of something. But the more time we spent together, the harder it was for me to remember little Baby Bell, the girl I'd teased in school with paint in her hair, frogs in her locker, and snakes in her book bag.

Stepping off the porch, I walked slowly across the grass toward her, not even trying to fight the smile on my face.

"Hey, Bella," I said quietly, trying not to startle her.

"Edward!" She stopped spinning suddenly and a smile spread across her face. I was glad that she seemed pleased to see me too. "What are you doing down here?"

"I live here," I replied, gesturing to the house behind me, though she must have known she was on Masen property.

Her forehead puckered in confusion. "You don't live up in the main house?"

"I have a room up there, but this is mine." Bella's cheeks flushed as she muttered something I didn't hear, but that wasn't what concerned me. "Bella, where's your dad's truck?"

"Back at the house, why?"

"How long've you been out in the sun today?"

"I left after a late breakfast and just walked most of the day..." She shrugged and bit her lip for a minute. "Maybe four hours or so."

I looked at the small canteen she had clipped to her waist and rolled my eyes. "You're sunburned, and you're probably dehydrated, if that's all you've had to drink," I said, pointing at the flask.

Bella tilted her head and twisted her shoulders so that she could get a better look at her skin. Her arms and shoulders were pink and bright, in fact the only part of her that didn't seem touched by the sun was her face, and that had to be down to the hat she'd been wearing as she entered the clearing.

"I just wanted to get out of the house…go for a walk," she whispered, realizing her mistake.

"Come on," I said, wrapping my arm low around her waist, so as to avoid touching her skin, and steering her toward the house. "Let's get you into a cool bath. I'm sure I'll have something inside to fix you up."

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A/N: I'm still looking at an approximate 2 week (ish) schedule. The next update will be an outtake for A Slice of Hope and will show you what happened at the Miller's ranch. Thanks for your patience and for still reading and reviewing, despite my reply fail. I love you guys and reading your thoughts. Outfits, music and characters will all be updated on my blog this week and teasers will follow.**


	16. Brave Faces

**A/N: Thanks to annanabanana for betaing. Sorry for the delay in posting.**

**Chapter Music: Secret Garden by Bruce Springstein**

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**Chapter 16: Brave Faces**

**:: Bella ::**

Sitting at Edward's kitchen table, I awkwardly twisted my glass of water in my hands.

"You should drink that," he coaxed, gently pulling another seed from my hair. He'd been standing behind me for over ten minutes, removing them one by one.

I took a mouthful from the glass, trying hard not to concentrate on the way his fingers felt as they brushed against the skin behind my ears or in the hairline at my neck. My relationship with Edward had changed since our time out at the Miller's ranch. A friendship unlike those that I shared with the others had started to grow, but I still wasn't sure how to interpret the hesitant linger of his hand against mine as I passed him something, or the casual way his arm would rest across my back at lunch.

"You don't have to do this you know. I could just wash them out," I murmured, feeling a little self-conscious. Although it'd just been the two of us earlier in the week, being alone in Edward's kitchen somehow seemed more intimate than the carefree situation we'd created on the barn roof.

"They'd just get stuck if you got them wet. Besides, I don't mind so much." I could hear the smile in his voice, and his fingers combed through my hair again. Edward seemed content so I let him continue without further argument. Closing my eyes, I relaxed into the chair and inhaled deeply. His kitchen smelled of peaches. Rose must have been by.

I tried to imagine for a minute what it might be like to bake for Edward, to see his face as he bit into my honey vanilla pound cake. It had been years since I'd made it; Jacob had never even tried it, insisting that he was sweet enough. I took another breath and sighed, Rose's peaches bringing me back to the present and the careful way Edward was removing the seeds.

His fingertips skimmed my shoulders, and I shivered minutely at the unexpected contact. "That's the last of them," he said, walking to the open window and releasing the tiny white parachutes back out into the breeze.

"Thank you."

Edward smiled, hesitating against the remaining afternoon light. "Why don't you head upstairs and take a bath?" He inclined his head toward the stairs.

"Um, sure," I said, standing up but averting my eyes, still feeling a little awkward.

"The bathroom's right at the end of the hall at the top. I'll make us something to eat for when you're done."

Edward's bathroom was beautiful in its simplicity. The wooden floor was dark and matched the finishings throughout, while the near empty walls were painted a pale silvery grey. A circular mirror, mounted on the wall above the sink, pulled a small amount of light from the west facing window, warming the room despite its size. Hanging over the hamper was a small painting of a man and a boy pushing a boat out onto the water. The frame was old but cared for; it was obviously important to Edward.

The bath was deep and the water cool on my heated skin. The scent of Edward's lemon and spice soap swirled around me, filling my senses as I lathered it between my hands, and as I closed my eyes, smoothing the bubbles over my skin, I found myself back in the Miller's barn looking up into Edward's eyes.

"Bella?" Edward's unexpected voice just outside the door made me jump, causing the water to slosh a little as I slid in the tub. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I called out, tucking my legs up to my chest and hearing his hand fall from the door handle.

"I've left something out for you to put on. You can use my room; it's on the left when you come out."

I smiled and pressed my lips against my knee.

"Right, well, I'll see you back downstairs, Bella." I could hear the nerves in his voice and I wondered how long it had been since there'd been a naked girl in Edward's bathtub. As soon as the idea crossed my mind I felt my brow pinch. I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer to that.

"I won't be long, Edward." His footsteps retreated slowly from the door, and I quickly finished in the bath, the water almost cold now.

Just as Edward had said, I found a soft cotton button-up shirt on his bed, and a pair of cotton shorts. Looking in the full length mirror, I turned, marvelling at how much smaller I somehow seemed—cocooned—wrapped so completely in clothes too large for my body. Wrapped in Edward. I rolled up the waistband, and the sleeves, but could do nothing to keep the shirt on both of my shoulders.

As I padded into the kitchen with my dusty, damp clothes in my hands, I saw that Edward had changed. He was no longer wearing his jeans, but instead wore dark lounge pants with a clean vest. His hair was damp and pushed back off his forehead.

"You've showered," I said, a little unsurely. I'd been in the bathroom after all and I'd never seen Edward's house before.

Edward stopped slicing the cooked chicken for a moment and turned his head to look at me, his eyes appraising as he smiled kindly. I was suddenly aware of the fact that his shirt obscured the shorts.

"Yeah," he replied. "I've been up since dawn workin' on the porch. I took a quick shower down here while you were coolin' off."

"Sorry, I shouldn't have monopolized your bathroom."

"You didn't." He smiled again. "You can toss those in the washer," he said, nodding his head toward the items I held, before turning back to the chicken.

"Thanks." The utility room was small but just off the kitchen, and as I loaded the machine, I could see Edward working on dinner.

"Thought we'd have chicken salad with warm rolls for supper. You wanna give me a hand?" Edward asked.

"Sure."

I sliced tomatoes and peppers, while Edward finished up the chicken, taking time to slice some bacon and grate some Jack cheese. I tossed it all together as Edward pulled the rolls from the stove. The table was set, and before we sat down, he grabbed a pitcher of lemonade from the fridge and some dressing too.

~oOo~

"This'll be cold," Edward murmured. I hummed my acknowledgement and braced myself as I sat between his thighs. "Relax, Bella." I felt him move behind me, pulling away from his position against the couch. I couldn't control the shiver that rolled through my body as his breath washed over my bare skin. I shifted slightly, gripping the front of the shirt I was wearing and stopping it from falling any further down my arms.

Leaning forward, I rested my forehead against my knees. "I'm fine you know. This really isn't necessary," I whispered, my voice muffled.

"We can sit on the couch if you're uncomfortable down here," Edward offered, brushing my hair forward with his hand, grazing my neck with his fingers before letting my hair fall down my chest. We were both sitting on the floor in Edward's living room, with only a few candles lit, casting a shadowy glow across the walls.

During dinner the atmosphere had become more relaxed. Edward and I had managed to recapture the easiness that we'd shared out on the Miller's ranch, and I was relieved that we hadn't lost that.

"No, I'm good here." As I spoke, I felt the chill of a wet cotton ball swipe over my shoulder blade and I gasped.

"You'll get used to it in a second," Edward reassured. "It's just 'cause your skin's so hot. Can't do anything about the coatin' of pink you're gonna end up with though. Sorry." Edward chuckled under his breath as he apologised. I was no stranger to calamine lotion. Alice and I had fallen victim to poison ivy more than once, and we'd worn our pink splotches with pride.

"You mean this particular shade of pink isn't flattering, Masen?" I teased.

"Not at all," he replied ambiguously, blowing a stream of air across my heated back.

We sat in silence for a moment, and as we did, I realized that for all the time I'd spent with Edward since my return to Masen, I didn't really know anything about his life. Throughout high school we'd never really been friends; he'd teased me, and I'd tried to stay out of his way. I knew he'd been raised by his grandfather, but I knew nothing about his parents or how they'd died. Aro had asked me about Edward's girlfriends but I couldn't answer his questions; in fact if I really thought about it, I knew very little about Edward.

His family had founded the town but Edward didn't strut through it with a sense of entitlement. He clearly worked hard for what he could call his own—this last week was evidence enough of that. But I wanted to know more. Edward wasn't just the last son in a long line of Masens; I wanted to discover the man beneath the surface of the town's perceptions.

"Bella?"

"Huh?"

"I asked what made you wanna walk all day in this heat." He playfully tugged my hair, pulling me back to the moment.

"Sorry, I was…thinking." I chuckled under my breath. I hadn't even realized that Edward had spoken. I took a deep breath and licked my lips. "Charlie gave me the final papers from my divorce this morning. As of two weeks ago, I'm no longer married."

"I'm sorry, Bella," Edward said, continuing to sweep the lotion covered ball over my skin, coating my shoulder. "Maybe now that it's all over you can start to move forward?"

"It's been over for a while, Edward. I just didn't want to see it." I sighed as Edward's fingertips brushed across my skin, the slightest ghost of a touch. "My lawyer sent the settlement too. Charlie wouldn't let me tear it up."

Edward laughed, his exhale stirring wisps of hair at my neck. "That sounds like the Chief."

"I'm not banking it. It's sitting in a drawer in the kitchen," I said, though I was unsure why I was telling Edward about the mundane details.

"Don't you feel like you deserve it for what you gave up, Bella?" Edward asked, more curious than anything else, but never telling me what I should be doing or thinking.

"You sound like Charlie," I replied, remembering what my father had said, as I fingered the check, over French toast this morning.

_He took two years of marriage without battin' an eyelid, and what you wanted was put on hold. You're only gettin' what's rightfully yours. What you're holdin' hardly makes up for what he took from you, sweetheart, but it's a damn good start. Don't think of it as a settlement check, think of it as an open door to your dreams._

"I don't want to live off his money. I just want a clean break," I explained, my voice sounding a little more forced than I had hoped.

"Relax, Bella," Edward soothed, running his palms down my back, carefully slipping the shirt a little lower. I realized that, while I spoke, my body had stiffened, straining in the defensive. "It's your choice now. You don't have to answer to anyone."

Edward blew another stream of air across my raw skin and the tension melted away, sliding down my spine and giving way to the understanding that he was right; I had choices now. A tiny bloom of light seemed to take root in my chest and I smiled, mentally acknowledging the baby steps I was still taking.

"Thank you, Edward," I whispered sincerely, muffling my voice against my arms as they rested across my knees. I felt a fresh cotton ball flit across the still warm skin of my spine, and shivered once more at the cold lotion. "I don't want to talk about me anymore. Can we talk about you?"

"Sure," he said, hesitating against my skin. "What do you wanna know?"

I wanted to know everything, but knew I would have to tread carefully. I bit my bottom lip for a moment, contemplating the best place to start, when Edward spoke again.

"I'd tell you anything, Bella. Everything. I have no secrets." His words made my eyes prickle with tears and I was thankful to have him at my back, unable to see my face.

"How's Aro doing?" I asked after a moment, remembering that he'd been struggling a little when I'd been over to read to him last.

While I'd hidden from the town after Jacob left, Aro Masen had provided a beautiful solace in his home. The world through his eyes was pure and untainted, and served to remove me from the chaos that I was trying to avoid. The Aro I had caught a glimpse of weeks ago in the garden didn't reappear, but I listened as he spoke of his wife and of Edward's father as if they were still present in his life.

"A little better." Edward sighed as he stopped smoothing the calamine lotion on my skin.

"Edward?"

"It's worse—he's worse." The gentle strokes of the cotton ball began again as Edward took a deep breath. "Doc says he's only got a few weeks left, maybe less." Edward's voice broke, and he cleared his throat.

The light that had crept into my chest started to flicker, and the anguish I knew Edward would be experiencing—the same anguish and heartache I'd felt fifteen years ago—threatened to snuff it out. I lowered my hands to Edward's shins, his legs spread out on either side of my curled up body, and tentatively ran my fingers over the fabric of his pants. I wanted him to know that he wasn't alone, that as much as he'd let me when he first told me about Aro, I could help him bear his burden. He didn't have to be strong in front of me.

The gesture seemed to be enough, and as Edward continued speaking, I was grateful because at that moment I hadn't the words.

"I'm ready," he murmured roughly, his voice tight with emotion. "I've known for a while that it's been comin', and I'm ready—so's he—but it doesn't make it any easier. To watch him suffer every day, to war with what he thinks he knows against what is real. It's torture." As he moved, the tips of Edward's hair tickled their way across the sensitive flesh of my back, and I kept on trailing my fingers over his legs, unwilling to linger on the feel of what was stirring in the air around us.

I knew only too well the torture and agony that Edward spoke of. I was only a little girl when Renee passed but I remembered how Charlie had walked around for weeks, like the other half of him was missing. How for hours at a time I would curl up at the bottom of her closet, smelling her in the air and hearing her when I closed my eyes.

Memories of my mom's last days with us flickered through my thoughts, and I tried to stifle my tears.

Charlie carrying her out to the porch swing so she could watch the sunrise. Her brushing my hair, when she had none of her own left, telling me I was beautiful and would always be loved. Me snuggling into her side in the mornings because she didn't have the strength to get out of bed. Finally the church and a sea of black, interspersed with orange tulips. Crying and cotton handkerchiefs, half the town telling me they were sorry, while I didn't understand why.

"I know it's hard," I said, my voice soft and low.

"I've lost everyone," Edward lamented, pressing his forehead gently between my shoulder blades and placing his hands on his knees, his fingers almost reaching for mine. "For almost twenty years, Aro's all I've had. He raised me after my parents…" A rush of air shot down my spin as Edward exhaled hard.

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me." I didn't want to force anything he wasn't ready to share.

Edward's breath hitched, and I let my hands encompass his, linking our fingers and pulling his arms around my waist. It was awkward, but I hoped he understood that I was trying to ground him in the only way I knew how. Edward's arms tightened as he pulled me back against him. His body was warm next to my already overheated skin but I made no move to adjust our positions.

"I only know what Aro's told me, and what I've discovered from the records office," he began, sounding almost absent, as if removing himself from the conversation emotionally would make it less painful. "I was five years old and my parents were out of town. I was staying with my grandparents and thought nothing of it when mom and dad weren't home on time. Aro and I could get lost in our adventures and my parents often didn't want to disrupt that."

I squeezed his hands in quiet encouragement.

"It was two days before they told me that my parents weren't coming home, couldn't ever come home. The police report says that their car swerved into a tree, probably avoiding something on the road, but there were no witnesses, no one saw anything." Edward pressed his nose into my hair, inhaling briefly and I was glad in that moment to be his anchor in a bleak sea.

"Dad was driving. They didn't suffer." His voice became gravelly, and I wondered if Edward had ever spoken about his parents' deaths before tonight. "They both died on impact." I felt something trickle down my back, and knew by the shaky breath behind me that Edward was crying. At least I'd had the chance to say goodbye to Renee, and I still had Charlie. Edward still felt their deaths so deeply and I wondered if that was, in part, because he'd never had the same opportunity I'd had.

"Grandma never recovered. She spent most of the next two years in bed, mourning the lost of her son. She died when I was seven, leaving Aro to try and do the best he could."

I blinked hard trying to clear the moisture from my eyes, but it was hopeless. The tears spilled and I silently grieved for Edward's parents, his grandma, my mom, and both of our losses. Of course, each of our circumstances was different, but we weren't so dissimilar, Edward and I.

"So you see, once Aro goes, it'll just be me in his big old house. The last of the Masens." Silence fell over the living room, and I ran my thumbs over Edward's work roughened skin. "I need a drink." His voice sounded resigned as he unwrapped himself from around me and stood up. "You want anything?" he called from the kitchen.

"Whatever you're having's fine."

Edward returned with two beers, unscrewing the caps and passing one to me.

"Do you want to talk about something else?" I asked gently, twisting my head to look at him. Edward settled back behind me, and as he dropped his head for a moment, his hair brushed against my neck. I closed my eyes this time, allowing myself to focus on the softness of his hair, and the way our breathing evened out together—just like it had in the barn. Edward's fingers skimmed mine again before linking our hands together like before.

The atmosphere suddenly seemed to change. In the demi-glow, and under the feather light touches of Edward's caress, an unfamiliar charge filled the room. His breath felt cool on the exposed skin of my back, and it radiated throughout my entire body. It was like I was coming alive. For the first time, all of my senses were completely aware of the man behind me—and it was, in equal parts, exhilarating and terrifying. I wondered if Edward could feel it too, or if I was looking for things that weren't there in a bid to avoid the bigger picture.

I was drawn to Edward, I could feel it. Almost like tiny threads were slowing casting off from my own body and attaching themselves to his with each passing hour or day we spent together. His pain felt like mine, and I shared it willingly, just as he had been there for me. Every smile or laugh we shared eased the ache that had settled in my chest, and with each renewed breath, I struggled more and more to define what that ache actually embodied. Was it the realization that Jacob had probably never loved me? Or was it the failure I felt in myself for not expecting more, for not wanting more for myself? After all, even though Jacob had been the one to outline our future, I had stood back and accepted what he had offered.

Being with Edward posed questions I didn't have answers to. I had received plenty of answers tonight; I knew more about Edward and the brave face he wore for others, but I wasn't ready to take a closer look at me yet. My answers would have to wait.

In an effort to lighten the tone, I asked one other question I had been curious about for days.

"How'd you get the scar on your chin?" I drank from my bottle while I waited for Edward to speak.

"Huh?" He put his bottle down on the end table next to the couch, and I did the same.

"The scar," I repeated, twisting against him and running my finger along the faded silvery-white line. "On your chin." The day's growth along his jaw, scratched at my fingertips, and I watched, transfixed by the amber-gold hues growing through among the darker shades. He grinned down at me, his eyes shining with humor rather than the sorrow of our previous conversation.

"How d'ya think?" he teased.

I continued running my nails lightly over Edward's scruff, and he closed his eyes, breathing deeply. I thought back to my initial list of possibilities, and knew I couldn't mention anything about a car accident, not after what he had just told me. That left me with two options. If I worded it right, maybe I could get the answer to Aro's question too.

"Well at first I thought it was a bar fight. You know, like you broke something up at Whitlock's? But now I remember it was Emmett that took James outside, so I don't think that's part of what you do there." I swirled my finger around his chin again, tracing his scar slowly.

Edward hummed, either content or in agreement. "No bar fights. What else you got?" he asked, his voice low and husky. Edward turned his hand over in mine, pressing our palms together and running his thumb over the back of my hand. My skin grew warm under his touch, and I mentally kicked myself for drinking alcohol when I'd been in the sun all day.

"I'm just left with a fight over a girl then." I shrugged and felt his chest bounce against me as he laughed.

"Do I seem that violent to you? Do you really think I'm the sorta guy that just goes around punchin' people?" His tone was playful, but as his eyes opened and bore into mine, I knew he wanted an answer.

I thought back to the afternoon that Jacob had come to the house, when Charlie had punched him and Edward had tried to be the mediator; back to the time that Edward had sat in his truck while Jasper spoke to Jacob, and Edward had seethed by my side. I'd known then that it wasn't in Edward's nature to throw his fists. Sadness and loss balanced the anger that I knew could boil beneath the surface, but he had the self-control to walk away, to be the bigger man.

"No," I murmured, searching his eyes. "No, I don't." They softened, the mossy green liquefying with the burning flecks of citrine swimming there.

"It's from the claw of my hammer. First job I ever did I got my face too close to the damn thing." Edward laughed softly through his nose. "Besides, I've never really had time for girlfriends." Without permission, my chest pinched, and I tried to shake the sense of disappointment that started to creep over me. "Work and Aro take up most of the time I have." His grandfather would have been devastated to hear Edward's confession.

Edward's free hand skimmed my ribs tenderly. "How's your bruisin'?" he asked, shifting the subject back to me.

"Better now." I held my breath when Edward flattened his hand against the area that had been raised and purple just over a week ago. He pushed me forward gently, and shifted to the side of me.

"Can I?" he asked, his hands hesitating at the hem of the oversized shirt that hid my body. I nodded and bit my lip, not trusting myself to speak as Edward lifted the fabric high enough to see my ribs, but not high enough to expose any other part of me. "Much better." I knew that the bruising had faded, leaving only the hint of yellowing under the skin.

"Edward, I should probably go home, it's getting late." I had no idea what time it was, but it had been dark outside for the last few hours. Edward dropped the handful of fabric he was still clutching and cleared his throat.

"I've been drinkin'. I'll call your dad, see if he can come get you." Edward stood awkwardly, stretching his arms over his head, showing a slice of his stomach and the line of hair that disappeared beneath his lounge pants.

"Um, sure," I replied, clearing our beer bottles from the table and heading for the kitchen. I heard Edward's muffled voice as he spoke to Charlie. My clothes had finished washing and I had just transferred them to the dryer when Edward came in and leaned against the fridge.

"So, there's a bit of a problem," Edward said, scratching the back of his neck.

"Is Charlie okay?" I asked, suddenly worried. I hadn't checked in all day.

"No! He's fine, Christ. Sorry, Bella." Edward shook his head. "But he's been drinkin' too."

"Oh." Was that all? I sighed in relief. Then I realized what Edward meant. "Ohhh," I said as more of a breath.

"I can get Carmen to drive you home."

I looked at the clock hanging over the stove: 11:47pm. It was too late to be dragging people from their beds.

"It's fine, I don't wanna wake people. I'll just—"

"Don't even think about it," Edward warned. I frowned. Walking wouldn't be so bad, I'd arrived the same way and the air would be cooler at least. "It's late, you should stay. Let me just call your dad back." I began to protest, but Edward held up his hand, silencing my attempts.

Two minutes later Edward was back in the kitchen. "Okay, it's done. Charlie'll see you in the mornin'." I twisted a button on the shirt I was wearing—Edward's shirt—and considered how I felt about what was happening. "Don't panic, Bella. I only have one bed, but it's yours. I'll sleep on the couch." My eyes darted to the comfortable love seat, too small for Edward's tall frame.

I raised my eyebrows at him. "I'll fit better on there than you will," I said flatly. "Where are the extra blankets?"

Edward scoffed. "It's not happenin', Bella."

"How about a compromise?" I asked, unable to believe what I was about to suggest.

"Like?"

"We're adults, and friends; we could share. I trust you." And as I spoke the words aloud I knew they were true. It was Edward's turn to protest, and this time I held up my hand. "Ally and I are best friends and we used to have sleepovers all the time." I smiled, trying to ease his hesitation.

"It's hardly the same, Baby Bell," Edward whispered, his voice strained. "Charlie'd have my hide." His laugh was faint as he shook his head.

I walked to him and slipped my hand into his. "Charlie's not here, and I'm a grown woman. Come on." The walk up to his room was slow, and the closer we got, the tighter Edward's grip became around my fingers. After quickly taking turns in the bathroom, we found ourselves turning down the bed and climbing under the sheets.

Edward flicked off the light and although I'd previously found comfort in the timing of our breaths, the rise and fall of our bodies, lying with him by my side brought back painful memories of the last time I'd shared a bed and heard whispers in the dark.

When he spoke, it was like he knew—like he understood how I was feeling. "Thanks for bein' here tonight, Bella. I needed you here." Edward's soft voice warmed the darkness in the way that only it could, and a shuddering sigh seemed to echo through my chest as I quelled a sob.

"You're welcome, Edward." And he was, because in that moment there was nowhere else I'd rather have been.

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**A/N: Thanks to anyone still reading; I'll post again as soon as possible.**

**Mojo Music: Our Love Is Easy by Melody Gardot**


	17. Flying Free

**A/N: Anyone following me on twitter knows that I'm dealing with some RL issues right now; thanks for being patient. Also, thanks to annanabanana for betaing this chapter.**

**Chapter Music: More Than Fine by Switchfoot**

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******Chapter 17: Flying Free**

**:: Bella ::  
**

_I want a divorce.  
_  
I woke with a start, tiny slivers of golden sunlight filtering past the trees outside and in through the bedroom window, sending the ghostly echo back into the recess of my mind. Edward's arms seemed to tighten instinctively around me and I took a deep breath, the scent of clean sheets and lemon calming my rapidly beating heart.

I was in Masen—not Phoenix. I was with Edward, and he wouldn't hurt me. His chin scratched lightly against my forehead with each rise and fall of his chest, while his breath fanned out over my hair, and I closed my eyes again, sinking back to the edge of sleep, but not quite succumbing.

I spread my fingers over Edward's stomach, bare from his vest riding up in the night, and slid my leg slowly from where it was hitched over his hip, down his thigh and let it rest at his knee. I felt the low rumble in his chest under my cheek—a deep contented sound that vibrated through me and made my skin tingle. Something inside me that I'd long since forgotten was starting to come alive again. It was fighting for a breath and the warmth of the sun.

I thought back over the time Edward and I had spent together—the whispered touches, the stolen glances, the gentle smiles—and I started to panic. Even lying here in his arms seemed natural, so much so that I hadn't even thought to initially question it, only embrace it further, but it was too soon. Wasn't it? I'd only been divorced two weeks and here I was in bed with another man. What would people think? What would _Charlie _think?

I had to leave—before Edward woke up. With a quick glance up at his sleeping face, I rolled away carefully but quickly. In less than five minutes I had used the bathroom, was dressed in my now dry clothes, and was cutting back across the clearing.

It was cooler as I headed back toward the highway; the sun was barely breaking the treetops and had yet to heat the road's surface. I found myself walking quicker than I had yesterday, eager to get home and put some distance behind any potential fuel for the gossips in town. But the road was quiet as usual, and without the sound of traffic, it was easy to hear the birds in the trees and smaller creatures foraging in the underbrush.

While the air was still slightly crisp, I eased into a gentle jog, loving the way my heart beat in time with the steady rhythm my feet kept as I moved forward. I took a deep breath, clearing my head and focusing on placing one foot in front of the other.

It had felt like so long since I'd been able to fill my lungs and feel my chest expand without the restrictions of my marriage, Jacob and Tanya, and all of the choices I'd made leading up to those points. So long since I'd taken the time to appreciate the things I truly valued and found real comfort in. I had missed the subtle humidity that could sometimes be found on balmier days in Masen, and the fragrant scent of sunflowers and bluebonnets on the breeze in the morning. I had lost that in the dry heat of the Phoenix desert.

As I increased my stride, I let my mind wander, suddenly more uncertain of my actions in the last two months than in the last seven years.

I'd spent the last two weeks cocooned in the safety and love of my friends. I'd trusted Emmett when he'd said they'd catch me, and he hadn't been wrong. My head had told me that Edward had murmured those same words to me not so long ago, but my heart had warned me against trusting someone I was unsure of. I smiled at the memory, believing now more than ever that Edward was just as capable as the others, but Emmett was family. I'd been raised with him looking out for me. I had known that I could trust his promise.

After Jacob had left town with Tanya, things hadn't been easy. I'd taken one hour at a time, followed in turn by one day after the next, each of my friends banding together to provide support in their own way. But of all the people who had reached out to me, Edward had surprised me the most. Emmett and Alice were as close to me as anyone could be, and with them came Jasper; but Edward? He had no stake in my life or how I was doing, no obligations to help pick up any pieces.

Despite all that, it seemed as if he'd almost gone out of his way, opening himself up to me whenever we were together, expecting nothing in return. The more time I spent with Edward, the more at ease I felt, not only in his company but in my own skin again, too.

As I reached a peak in the road, I stopped to take a breath, realizing that leaving the way I had this morning was unnecessary. I cast my eyes across the horizon, watching the beginnings of the heat haze shimmer in the distance. The view was amazing. For as far as I could see, the dry terrain stretched out before me, broken up by rich greens, summer blues, yellows and reds. Wildflowers struggled to remain upright, while branches swayed lazily in the morning breeze. It all faded into the dusty silhouette of the town. The place I called home.

A low rumble and hum sounded nearby and I turned on the road, raising my hand to shield my eyes from the sun. A familiar red truck shimmered into sight and tiny butterflies took flight in the depths of my stomach. Nerves got the better of me and I turned, walking slowing back toward Charlie's. Edward would catch up to me soon enough.

Moments later, his truck ambled to a stop in front of me, angling off the road and disturbing the dry ground only minutely. His approach was slow and easy, as if he was trying not to spook a horse. My steps faltered, trying to buy my some time so I could figure out what to say. When I had stalled long enough, I moseyed over to Edward's open window.

"Bella," Edward said in greeting, as if I hadn't snuck out this morning. His eyes were hidden by the creamy Stetson he so often wore, and my butterflies lurched, their wings beating up against my ribs and trying to break free.

"Edward." My voice was a faint whisper, embarrassed not by the fact that I had stayed the night but by the fact that I had run away this morning. I needed to stop doing that.

"You left. I was gonna make breakfast."

"I thought I should leave before the gossip mill started." I squinted at him, wishing I had remembered to pick up my own hat before I'd slipped out of his house. There was some truth in what I said, but it was easier than admitting that I was scared. Scared that maybe I wanted to stay and just didn't know how to tell him—didn't know how to deal with the possibility of his rejection.

"Does it matter what other people think, Bella? You know nothing happened. So do I, and Charlie knows me better than that." Edward looked at me then, his eyes searching mine.

"I just don't want things to get complicated," I explained, turning from him and leaning against the side of the truck, needing to break away before he saw through me.

Edward sighed softly and I heard his hands rub over the old leather of his steering wheel. "Life's simple, Bella. It just blows along in the wind like a dandelion clock, passin' by on the breeze." I felt a small tug at the ends of my hair and I turned my head, seeing his fingers twisting through the strands, remembering how he'd pulled the tiny parachutes out of my hair last night. "Don't waste your time tryin' to control things outside of your reach. If it's meant to happen, it will. It's just the way life works." Edward paused, turning to stare out of the windscreen, letting my hair go as he did. "Yeah. Life's simple; it's people who are complicated."

I didn't know what to say. Edward was right—about it all. I was over thinking things.

I already knew that being back in Masen was making things easier for me; simplifying what had become a string of complexities and lies out of my old life in Phoenix. The comparisons were vast but easy to make. I had spent countless hours wining and dining potential clients at Jacob's side, and listened to him talk of afternoons spent on the golf course winning over investors. Days and weeks stressing over society events and country club luncheons, wondering if I'd ever really feel a part of it all.

But since coming home to Masen, I'd seen the relaxed atmosphere at Whitlock's, the easy going and welcoming vibe at McCarty's, and Edward's business survived by word-of-mouth alone. There'd never been a moment when I hadn't felt included or valued—my opinion always truly mattered.

So few things were hidden here; the town talked, friends shared, and family never gave up. Maybe I did just need to let things go and try to have a little faith.

"And what about you, Edward Masen? Are you complicated?" I asked, hoping that he would give me something in gesture, something to show me that taking the chance and opening my heart would be worth the risk.

Edward turned back to face me, sliding his hat off in the process, revealing his eyes and allowing the morning sun to catch the freckles across his nose. "You can ask me anything, Bella. I'm an open book; I'd hide nothing from you." The smile on his face matched the warmth in his eyes, and a small blossom of hope took root in my chest.

"I want to believe you," I whispered honestly. I did want to believe him, but I'd been let down before and I would have to be guarded this time.

"Then you will. In time." Edward's smile widened. "You wanna lift home," he asked, his voice gentle and kind.

"Sure, that'd be great." I grinned back at him, suddenly not caring who might see us driving together so early in the morning and what conclusion they might draw from it.

~oOo~

Charlie was leaning against the pillar by the front door, drinking coffee, as Edward and I pulled into the driveway and I smothered a laugh behind my hand.

"What's so funny?"

"He's standing there just like he always used to when Carlisle dropped me off after sleeping over with Alice. I guess some things never change."

"Is that such a bad thing?"

"No, it's not," I replied, getting out of the car, realizing that I'd actually missed being welcomed home. "Morning, daddy."

"Mornin', sweetheart. Edward," he said, raising his mug in greeting. "I've got breakfast warming in the kitchen if you're interested."

"Sure. I could eat." Edward accepted Charlie's offer and we all headed inside the house.

After a breakfast of cinnamon waffles, freshly whipped cream and fruit from the trees in the garden, I left Edward and Charlie clearing the dishes while I went to shower.

As steam filled the bathroom, I stepped under the spray, rinsing off the light dusting of pink-powdered-coating left behind by the calamine lotion. It had done its job, soothing my skin and leaving behind only the faintest hint of a fading blush under the start of a golden glow. I couldn't remember the last time that someone had put my needs above their own, as Edward had done last night. It was hard to reconcile him with the teasing boy of my teenage years. He had invited me into his home, had shared his table and his bed and had asked nothing of me in return.

I smiled to myself, remembering how relaxed Edward had looked this morning, and for the first time since I'd woken up, I wondered which one of us had crossed the line first. Did I roll into Edward or did he pull me over to his side of the bed? There was no disputing the intimacy of our position, or the familiar way that we were wrapped around each other. Had it been an accident or an unconscious, but deliberate, effort to seek out comfort after shared words in the flicker of shadows?

A knock on the bathroom door startled me and I rinsed the shampoo from my hair as I called out. "It's unlocked." I knew Charlie would open it a crack as always, just enough to avoid raising his voice but enough to maintain my privacy. The door clicked open but the voice that carried through the humid air wasn't Charlie's.

"Bella?"

My arms froze with my hands in my hair, as I squeezed the excess water from it. Before I could stop myself, I blurted, "Don't come in, I'm naked."

Edward's laughter was warm and rich, settling low in my stomach and tingling through my thighs. "Relax, baby," he said, the sound muffled by the water running at my back. "I'm not comin' in. I just came to tell you that your dad needs me out on the lake for a bit."

"Okay," I replied, letting out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. "I might head into town. I need to pick up my paycheck."

"I'm blocking your dad's truck, just take mine, 'kay?"

"It's fine, I'll get it out," I replied, wondering how much longer I'd, again, be naked and wet with only a door between us, curious to know if Edward was even thinking about it at all.

"… on the hall table," Edward 's voice carried through the steam and my inner musings.

"What?" I half-yelped as I tried to stop from slipping.

"The keys. I'll leave them on the hall table for you."

"Okay, thanks. If you're sure," I relented.

"Course. And say hey to Emmett for me," Edward said before the door clicked shut behind him.

~oOo~

The bell rang overhead as usual when I opened the door to the diner and I moved aside, holding it open for Doc Garrett who held a paper bag with the McCarty's logo on the side.

"Morning, Bella."

"Hey, Doctor Garrett."

"How're things?"

"Good, thank you." I nodded my head in affirmation and smiled.

"I'm glad to hear that. Your father was worried," he said, lowering his voice to keep our discussion private.

"I know. I'm going to make sure it doesn't happen again."

Doc Garrett reached out and squeezed my shoulder once. "You're a good girl, Bella. I'll see you around town." He turned and headed toward his office across the square.

"Wait!" I shouted when he reached the grass, and I ran to catch up with him.

"Bella?"

"Mr. Masen is sick."

"I'm sorry, Bella, but I can't discuss—"

"No, no. I know that. What can I do for Edward?"

Doc Garrett smiled sadly and tilted his head. "You've been through quite a bit yourself this year. Are you sure that, well…"

"Please? There's no one else," I almost begged, twisting my fingers into the hem of my vest.

"Edward has a lot of people here in town, Bella. A lot of other friends he can depend upon without you taking on so much."

"I made a promise to a friend. I _need_ to do this. Besides, things with Edward are starting to become…" I trailed off and stared down at the sidewalk, my forehead pinching as I tried to find the words.

"To become…?" Doc Garrett prompted.

"Complicated?" I offered with a small laugh, tucking my hair behind my ear as I looked up at him. After what Edward had said this morning, 'complicated' didn't seem like the right way to describe it, but I wasn't making things any easier on myself so it was as good a thing to say as any.

"It certainly sounds it," he replied with a laugh of his own. "Well, just let him know you're there for him, Bella. Give him space when he wants it, and someone to talk to when he needs it. You'll be fine, and so will Edward."

I nodded and exhaled hard. "Thank you."

"You know where my office is if you need anything else, Bella."

With our final goodbyes said, Doc Garrett continued across the square and I walked back to the diner, taking a seat at the counter and shredding a napkin while I waited for Emmett.

"Bella? Didn't you see us?" Alice's voice disrupted my concentration as her hand grazed my elbow. "Jeez, what happened to you?" Her eyes widened when she saw the faded pink tinge under my skin.

"Sorry, Ally, no I didn't, and it was worse yesterday. It's just a little sunburn," I mumbled, hoping to hide my embarrassment.

"It's fading," she soothed. "You never did burn for long." Alice ran her finger tip lightly over my shoulder and smiled at me. "Come sit with us," she said, linking her arm with mine and leading me over to the booth at the back.

Rose closed her menu and smiled warmly as I slid into the seat.

"Hey, Rose." I smiled back at her.

"I'm gonna grab some drinks." Alice moved through the tables and rounded the counter, pouring two cherry cokes and a lemonade, before placing them on a tray along with a large slice of apple pie, and bringing them back over to our table.

"You wanna bus some tables while you're helping yourself, sis?" Emmett yelled from the kitchen.

"Put a sock in it, Em. Or you can forget your tip!"

"Ha! I'd settle for you payin'!"

I covered my smile with the back of my hand as Alice mumbled under her breath.

"You two will never change," Rose scorned softly. "You push, Alice, and he's happy to pull you along." She shook her head and lifted her coke and a fork off the tray.

"Yeah, well, he always starts it," she replied, handing me a glass.

"Stop your pouting and come sit." Rose patted the vinyl bench next to her and Alice sat down. "You know he loves you more than anything." Rose slipped her arm around her sister-in-law's shoulders and hugged her tight.

"I do," Alice agreed with a smile, passing me a fork and taking one for herself.

It wasn't long before we fell into easy conversation, taking small forkfuls of pie when our chatter allowed it. The town's annual dance was just around the corner and Alice was busy helping Jasper organize all the details. Rose was making the most of the summer, taking the last couple of weeks before classes started again to do some decorating at home. But as the two of them talked, I was distracted.

Absently, I brushed my fingertips across the exposed skin of my shoulder, still feeling the skin warm under my touch. It didn't take long for me to realize that I was trying to recreate the feeling from this morning, the feeling of Edward's fingers grazing my flesh with every breath he took. I almost longed for the subtle disturbance of my hair with each exhale he made, and the tang of lemon with each of my own breaths.

"Bella?" Alice reached for me and touched my wrist. "Are you still with us?"

"Sorry, I was thinking about something else for a second," I said, taking another mouthful of apple filling off the plate.

"From the look on your face it must have been a pretty good something," Rose quipped with a kind smile. I felt my cheeks heat as I thought back to how Edward's stomach had felt against my palm: firm muscle and smooth skin, smattered with soft hair that looked almost golden in the morning sunlight.

"I don't know what it is yet," I said honestly, trying to stop the small smile from pulling at my lips.

"You shouldn't be scared, Bella. Just let it come, whatever it is. Don't stop it just because you don't know how things will turn out." It was just like Alice to know that I was hiding something.

"I just don't know how to trust what I'm feeling. A year ago I was so sure that I had what I wanted and now… Well, look how that turned out," I said pointedly but with a soft chuckle. "How will I know? How did you know?" I asked beseechingly.

Rose smiled kindly and spoke first. "I never doubted my feelings for Emmett. It was like he completed me. I could feel him humming under my skin; he was like the breath in my lungs. It just felt right."

Rose and Emmett had gone to school together, had shared firsts and awkward moments, their transition to husband and wife seemed to follow mine with Jacob to the letter, but the way she spoke about their connection was almost ethereal. I'd never had that with Jacob.

I turned to my best friend expectantly, wondering how everything had changed for her. Her eyes met mine, an apologetic expression flitting across her face, before she smiled almost sadly and began to speak.

"I think I've always loved him, Bella. I tried so hard not to. When he would tease you, along with Edward, I wanted to hate him so bad, but I couldn't do it." She hung her head a little, and cleared her throat. "I was always just Emmett's little sister all through high school, but when I came home from college that all changed.

"I walked into the bar with Rose and my eyes met his. It was like the world stopped; everything else faded away. I knew then that he felt it too. I wasn't the kid sister anymore, I was just Alice, and like I'd always been his, he became mine."

I ran my fingers over my forehead, brushing wisps of hair away from my skin, and began laughing softly. I finally understood. I was free. Free to choose where my life was headed, free to find someone who wanted me for who I was, free to be so wrapped up in a love that was all consuming—one that needed me just as much as I needed it.

If anything had become clear in the time since Jacob had left Masen, it was making the transition from high school sweethearts had been done without considering the lifelong consequences. What I'd said to Emmett was right: I didn't love Jacob, I never had. I had loved the idea of becoming someone's wife, someone's mother. I had loved the idea of becoming my parents.

"Bella?" Rose asked uncertainly, reaching across to stroke my arm.

Meeting her eyes across the booth, I smiled."Jacob didn't want or love _me_, just the _idea_ of me." We were both guilty of making the same mistake. We'd never really taken the time to _see_ each other for who we really were. Instead we'd built ideals and raised them up on impossible pedestals. It was only ever going to be a matter of time before it all fell apart.

Jacob had always wanted his business, he'd worked toward it for years—that was so obvious to me now—and I'd always been eager to please. I had fit into his shadow because, with his coaxing, that's where I'd allowed myself to stand.

"He wanted the wife he'd molded me into. I was never that person. I never really fit into that life. I was suffocating there. I was slowly dying under the weight of a marriage I hid behind because I was scared of the alternative. I was so scared of what might be waiting for me elsewhere, that I accepted something less than I deserved." I took a deep breath and stared out the window, focusing on the empty town square.

"I need the sun," I murmured, smiling and feeling like a weight had been lifted off my chest. In its place a sliver of delicious warmth spread out through my veins, taking hold and dissolving the last of the shadows and any remaining doubt.

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**A/N: Thanks to anyone still reading. I'll post again as soon as I can.**

**Mojo Music: The Reason by Rachael Yamagata -and- Can Last Night Last by Last Antebellum -and- Breathe (2AM) by Anna Nalick**


	18. Loss

**A/N: Thank you to annanabanana for her red pen and encouraging words.  
**

**Chapter ****Music:**** Heart**** Full**** of ****Wine ****by ****Angus ****and ****Julia ****Stone**

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**Chapter ****18****: ****Loss**

**:: Bella ::**

When I opened my eyes, the sun was still low in the sky, only just clearing the horizon as I glanced out of my window, and the birds were just starting to call to one another. I lay still, listening to my own breathing and the rush of the reeds along the lake as the wind blew outside. The weather had been the same for days, and we'd all been enjoying the last of the summer heat.

It had been two weeks since my epiphany in the diner while Alice, Rose and I had shared a slice of pie, and life in Masen was good. Alice and I had spent time at the lake, swimming like we used to and camping out under the fruit trees just like we'd done as kids. And just like then, we'd woken up to Charlie, sound asleep on the porch, as if we weren't grown-ups living our lives but the two girls he'd once watched over as the stars shone above.

Only Alice had been persistent enough to ask about my night with Edward, and she did so one afternoon while she had me cornered out on the lake.

"_So__ when __are __you __gonna__ to __tell __me__ about __Edward?__" __Alice __asked, __floating __on __her __back __next __to __me._

"_In __a __couple __of __weeks, __maybe.__"_

"_That long, huh?" she mused, humor lacing her tone._

"_I don't know what I'm telling yet," I replied truthfully._

"_Why__ don__'__t __you __start __with__ why __you __drove __his__ truck __to __the __diner __two __days __ago?__"_

We had looked at each other then, her eyes baiting me as mine, no doubt, had told her everything she needed to know.

"_It was blocking Charlie's, that's all. It was easier to drive Edward's," I said, trying to keep my voice level._

"_That's a crock of BS and you know it," Alice retorted, her voice pitching as she lowered her legs into the lake and started to tread water. "You can turn that truck in the tightest space, Charlie taught you himself. Besides, Edward doesn't let anyone else drive his truck."_

That was news to me. If I'd known then that Edward telling me to take his keys would be so noticed by anyone else, I would have made a point of maneuvering Charlie's truck.

"_I don't know what to tell you, Alice. It really was just convenient."_

"_Okay.__I__'__ll__ give__ you__ the__ truck._ If_ you__ answer __me__ this:__ the__ night __before__ Rose__ and__ I__ saw__ you__ at__ the__ diner,__ I__ called__ you__ at__ home__ and__ Charlie__ said__ you__ were__ staying__ out.__ Where__ were__ you?__ I__ know__ you __weren__'__t __with __me,__ and__ you__ weren__'__t __at__ Em__'__s.__ There __ain__'__t __many __people __left,__ Bella,__" __Alice__ concluded __with __a __smirk._

With a deep breath, I had ducked below the surface, allowing the water to rush past my ears. When I'd broken for air, Alice had been waiting patiently, but expectantly.

"_I was with Edward," I said simply, holding her gaze and treading water in time with her own movements. "He made me dinner. We had a drink and we talked. He couldn't drive me home so I stayed over. Nothing happened, Ally."_

"_I__ believe __you,__ but__ I__ also __know __you,__ Bella.__ I__ can __see __it __in __your __eyes, __hear __it__ in__ each__ breath__ you__ take.__ You__ can__'__t__ hide__ it__ from__ me. _Something_ happened._ You _might __not __realize __it__ yet,__ but__ others__ see __it.__ Just__ don__'__t __close __him__ off,__ okay?__ Edward__'__s __a __good __guy.__"_

I was truly starting to see that. Behind the boy who had dipped my hair in paint and filled my bookbag with frogs was the man who had followed me through a barn roof and taken care of my sunburn. Edward was fast becoming one of the friends I was eager to spend more time with.

A knock on my bedroom door as Charlie cleared his throat drew my eyes from the blue sky through my window. "Bella are you awake?"

"Yeah," I murmured, turning my head to look at him. My smile faltered on my lips when I saw his face. "Daddy, what is it?" I asked, propping myself up on my elbows.

Charlie walked to me and sat on the end of my bed. "Carmen just called. Aro died last night. I'm sorry, sweetheart."

"No," I said, pushing myself up slowly, trying to understand what he was saying. "But he—" It was too soon. "No. He can't." I stared down at my duvet, the fabric becoming obscured as tears filled my eyes and slowly began to fall down my cheeks. "How?" I asked, my throat feeling tight.

"Carmen thinks it was his heart, but Doc Garrett's there with Edward now."

"Oh God, Edward," I choked out, feeling like I couldn't breathe. "I have to—"

"I'll take you," Charlie said. "Just get ready, sweetheart, and we can go whenever you're done."

~oOo~

Less than twenty minutes later, Charlie was pulling up outside the Masen house. Before he even had the truck in park, I was out of the cab and running toward the steps and up to the porch.

Just as I was about to knock on the door, movement at the end of the porch caught my eye. Edward was sitting on the old swing, his legs stretched out in front of him and his elbow propped on the arm of the bench. His chin rested against his hand, allowing him to keep his focus out over the yard. I wasn't even sure he'd seen me.

I took a hesitant step in his direction. "Edward?" He remained still.

The door behind me opened and Carmen stepped out.

"Hey, Bella," she greeted me softly. I walked to her and hugged her hard, sorry for her loss and unsure of what to say. Charlie's footsteps sounded on the steps behind me, and I felt his hand on Carmen's shoulder as he offered her his condolences too.

"He won't move," she said as I took a step back. "He's been sitting there since the doctor left." Carmen wiped her nose with a tissue.

"Why don't I make you some tea?" Charlie offered. "And we'll leave Bella to it."

I only heard Charlie speak faintly; my eyes were locked on Edward and I was already moving slowly toward him.

"Can I sit?" I asked when I reached him.

Edward's shoulders rose with indifference while his attention remained on the yard. I eased onto the bench next to him and tucked my hands under my thighs.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I offered.

When my mom had died, I'd heard a lot of people telling Charlie they were sorry and as a little girl, I'd often wondered why. It wasn't their fault she was dead. She'd been sick. But now I understood that the condolences we offered weren't because of a sense of responsibility, they were because we couldn't do more to ease the suffering of those left behind.

Loss was never the same twice, and it differed for everyone, but on some level I could share Edward's pain. I knew what it felt like to grieve for someone who was a large part of your life and your heart, and I was sorry that I couldn't spare him any of that.

"I thought he was asleep," Edward said. "This morning when I woke up, I thought he was sleeping and I left him to get coffee."

"This isn't your fault, Edward."

"I was there all night. I never left his side and I didn't hear a thing." Edward's voice broke and he blew out an unsteady breath.

"At least he wasn't alone. Don't do this to yourself, you can't change anything," I said, raising my hand from the bench and brushing the hair off his forehead and out of his eyes.

"I knew it was coming, I thought I was ready, but it's too soon. I'm not—" He turned his head and looked down the length of the porch. "I can't do this, Bella."

"No one expects you to do it alone, Edward. Let me help you. What do you need?" I asked, brushing my fingers across the back of his hand, needing to comfort him.

"Most of it's done; his plans were pretty clear, you know? We're putting him in the family plot with…" Edward trailed off, swallowing hard. "Carmen's dealing with the wake here at the house and all of the notifications. But the flowers, suits, the church—I just can't, not by myself."

"Give me something, anything. Use me, I want to help." I encompassed his hand in both of mine and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"The flowers." Edward finally turned to look at me, his red-rimmed eyes sad and lost. "I can't face the town right now."

"Sure, I'll go tomorrow," I soothed, smoothing his fingers out along my own and pressing our palms together.

"And the church. Will you come with me to speak to Reverend Weber?"

"Of course," I whispered. "Anything you need, Edward. You just need to ask."

"Thank you," Edward murmured, letting his head fall back against the bench and closing his eyes with a sigh.

~oOo~

Fruits and Flowers was the only store in town that would be able to help me with the flowers for the service, and as I walked into the corner store I smiled sadly, remembering the last time I had been inside.

Esme McCarty had been helping Charlie with the arrangements for my mom's service and I'd stood among buckets of flowers as she spoke to the lady at the counter. Nothing had changed. The buckets still lined the walls, while baskets and bouquets adorned center stands and display tables.

I had no idea what to pick out. I'd been to one funeral in my life and although I could remember parts of it like it were yesterday, flowers were not what came to mind.

My most vivid memory of that day was Charlie telling me to wear something my mom would have liked—he didn't want his little girl wearing black. I'd worn the yellow dress they'd bought me just the month before and I remembered Charlie hugging me so hard after they lowered her into the ground. He'd said, _"__You__'__re__ my __light,__ sweetheart,__ my__ whole__ world__ now.__"_

As a child I couldn't expect to comprehend the sentiment of his words, even so, I'd told him I loved him and I'd hugged him back. I understood now that even on his darkest days he'd made it through them for me. He'd done everything for me, always.

Edward would need that strength now, and he'd need the people who loved him the most to show him where to find it.

"Can I help you?" A soft voice started me from my thoughts.

"Yes, please. I'm looking for—" As I turned, the sight behind the counter made my breath catch in my throat. "Lauren?"

I could hardly believe it. Though I knew she was my age, Lauren looked almost ten years older. Thin and stringy, mousey-blonde hair hung limply around her ashen face. Her cheeks were puffy from crying, and grey shadows rimmed the underside of her dull blue, bloodshot eyes.

"Hey, Bella. James said you were home." The sound of her dejected voice, and the look in her eyes, sat heavily in my stomach. When I'd returned to Masen, family and friends had helped me find my feet again; I wondered who Lauren had to turn to in her unhappiness.

"Lauren what happened to you?" I asked, taking a step closer to the counter.

She laughed bitterly. "I've been married to a man who doesn't love me for almost six years, takin' his crap and raisin' two kids. That's what happened, Bella."

I didn't know what to say. Of course I knew Lauren and James were married. When Lauren's daddy found out she was pregnant he'd insisted that James do right by her and he'd made no secret of it either. Back in high school they were inseparable, but I knew better than anyone the tragedies that could befall high-school-sweetheart-syndrome.

"I didn't know you were unhappy, I'm sorry." Despite the trouble Alice and I had caused when we were younger, as we had grown up we'd become friends with Lauren. By the time I was a junior, we spent most weekends in town, either going to a movie, sharing some pie, or dressing up in Second Chances.

"I don't want your pity. It's my own fault; I always did know how to pick 'em." Lauren sighed as she started to straighten up her counter top, rolling sheets of bouquet wrap and tidying ribbons away.

She was right about one thing—her taste in men was terrible. The glimpse I'd seen at Whitlock's was enough to tell me that James was a real piece of work. While he'd been varsity in school, Lauren had been a cheerleader, and she'd found James' biggest appeal at the time was his reputation. A year older than us, he bullied the younger kids—not just teasing like Edward and Jasper—demanding lunch money, shutting them in lockers, and destroying art projects. He even broke the window at McCarty's once.

But Lauren loved it. In our small and quiet town, James was adventure and daring. She'd said the adrenaline high was almost as good as the natural high of being with James himself. Charlie had busted them more than once out on Centennial Springs for fooling around in the back of James' car.

"If you're miserable why don't you just leave him?" Even as the words passed my lips I knew it was easier said than done. It had taken me three months to drive out of Phoenix, away from Jacob, and never look back.

"Where do you get off?" Lauren scoffed, shock and anger marring her face. "Comin' in here after all these years of nothing, and then tryin' to tell me what to do? I can't leave him. I've got my kids to think about." She was right. I might have distanced myself from Alice and my father when Jacob and I had moved, but Alice and I had left Lauren to it when she married James years before that.

"I'm sorry I haven't been a good friend," I whispered contritely, truly sorry for abandoning her when she needed us.

"I'd have settled for a bad friend, Bella. You weren't even around to be that. When my parents moved away, James was all I had." She pursed her lips and crossed her arms over her chest.

"That's not a good reason to stay with someone, Lauren. What about being loved and wanted?" Nothing was worth sacrificing those things, especially her own happiness.

"I haven't got the same choices you had. Babies outta high school, married to a man I'm not sure I _ever_ liked. We live on his parent's ranch, Bella. I haven't got anywhere else to go—no way to support my kids, and I won't leave them," Lauren argued, tears beginning to form in her eyes. The choices we had made in life were so similar; both married young to men we could now live without. The only things that separated us were that I thought that I had loved Jacob once, and Lauren had to think of her kids before herself.

"You've always got choices, Lauren," I said, rounding the counter and drawing her into my arms. "They might not be easy and they might be painful but they might just lead to something better."

"Who's gonna want a woman with an ex-husband and two kids? Huh, Bella? No guy wants to raise another man's kids," she sobbed, clawing at my back and hugging me hard.

"Are you really going to stay with James just because you don't want to be alone?" I asked against her hair, smoothing it back as I spoke. "Lauren, your life could be so much more than that."

"I don't know how to," she admitted. "I want to but I'm scared."

My own eyes felt damp and I wiped at them with my fingers as I whispered, "I was too, and it's okay to be scared, I promise."

"I missed you. I've had no one to talk to." Lauren's voice was muffled as she spoke into my neck. The more time she had spent with James, the less time she had spent with Alice and me. The truth was, I didn't miss the person she became when she was with him, but I did miss the fun times the three of us used to have together, before James started taking up all of Lauren's time.

"I missed you too," I replied. "Maybe I can help, if you really want out?"

Lauren pulled away from me, wiping her eyes as she nodded. "I do, but I need to take the kids with me. I won't stop him from seein' them but they can't stay there. I can't be without them."

"Shhh, calm down. We'll find somewhere for you to go, don't worry." I smoothed her hair back off her face again and gave her a smile. She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly.

"Jeez, look at me, I'm a mess." Lauren half-laughed as she ran her hands over her face. "You didn't come in here to listen to this, anyway, so what can I get you?" She grabbed a notepad and a pencil, ready to make some notes.

"Edward asked me to sort out the flowers for his grandfather's service. I have no idea what to get." I looked around at the buckets filled with colorful blooms and then back at Lauren.

"I heard about Mr. Masen. I'm sorry. He was a sweet old man."

I smiled and nodded in agreement. As the face of the town, everyone knew who Aro was, and Carmen was getting the notifications done swiftly, making sure that everyone knew to be at the church on Sunday to pay their last respects.

"Had you thought about colors?" Lauren asked, pulling some tulips out of an arrangement.

I shook my head. "I think something simple would be nice, though he loved the flowered vine in his garden. The bogain, bourga—"

"Bougainvillea?" Lauren asked, arching her eyebrows.

"Yeah, that sounds right. It's red and orange."

"I could work with that if you'd like. I could use roses, tulips and lilies in cream and white for a casket spray and pull some orchids through it along with one or two trails of the bougainvillea to add a hint of color." As she spoke, Lauren flicked through an album until she found the photograph she wanted. Turning it toward me, she pointed at the arrangement she had just described.

"It's perfect. And this one too?" I pointed to the matching standing spray. "But no vines on this one, just on Aro's."

"Sure, Bella. I'll speak to the church and see about some smaller arrangements too."

"Okay, but I don't think Edward wants a lot. The two big ones—one for the foyer and one for the altar—along with the casket spray should be the largest pieces. If you add anything else could you just make them small and in the same style?"

"No problem. Do you want anything for the cemetery, you know, for folks to drop in as they leave?"

"Just whatever you think, but not roses—something else?"

"Sure, I'll pick something out. Calla lilies, maybe?" Lauren mused, and I smiled. Lilies would be nice. "I'll just write you out an order slip."

"Thanks." With my order placed and Lauren's assurance that the fresh flowers would be delivered on Sunday morning, I started to head for the door of the shop. "Oh and Lauren?"

"Yeah?"

"After the funeral we should get a slice of pie like old times and figure out where you go from here, you know, just you and your kids, if you still want to."

"That'd be great, Bella, thanks."

With a final smile, I closed the door behind me. The next couple of days were going to be hard but Edward needed to be my main focus; I needed to get him through Aro's service and make sure he was going to be okay. If I was going to try and be any sort of friend to Lauren now she deserved more than half my attention, unfortunately that would mean waiting a few days. I was going to have to get through Aro's service before I could help Lauren with anything, but at the moment, Edward needed to be my main focus.

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**A/N: Thank you to anyone still reading. I'm sorry if I didn't get around to replying to your review last chapter; know that I read and cherish every one. ****The next update will be a short outtake for A Slice of Hope.**  


**Mojo:**** Did ****I ****Dream**** It ****by ****Aaron**** Zigman ****and ****Cello ****Suite ****No.****1**** by ****Bach ****(Performed ****by ****Yo-Yo ****Ma)**** — ****These ****two**** pieces ****were ****instrumental**** in ****getting**** this**** chapter**** finished.**


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